Is the snotty teen/tween behavior really starting as early as 3rd and 4th grade now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s because it’s girls. Boys aren’t like this.

No, not all girls. Girls with mothers who are mean and catty do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are letting children intimidate you. When the kids sass you, you SASS BACK but in your most lighthearted manner. I don't care if these kids think I am cool, but I will always push back when they are rude. I try to keep it friendly and say ask for what I want.

So if a kid rolled their eyes when I asked a pizza preference I'd go big and silly "OK THEN! I guess anchovies alllllll arouund because that's Larla's favorite! Right Larla?" and then in a calm voice the say "ok but seriously, I'm getting all cheese unless someone has another request".

But don't let them shrink you with their attitude. If they see that works they do it more.

I think some kids would be encouraged to continue the behavior by this.

+1

My DH sometimes does this with kids and it just encourages sarcasm and sass. I also think directing that at one kid in a group of her peers, no matter how rude she is, could be really mortifying and just deepen her distrust of authority figures.

I feel you have to model maturity and respect for kids. Going tit for tat is escalating, even if you think you're hitting just the right tone.

It is all about the tone. And the kid. You can easily slip into a mocking tone, which will not go over well. But I find kids sometimes let something slip out that is RUDE and when you call them on it, in a kind or filly, but firm way, they usually don't do it again. The key is to make sure you are not acting wounded or mad about it. You are Fun Rule Mom, who is kind, but not putting up with BS.

See, I think unless this is perfectly executed it is not going to work. And anyway, I don't want to be fun mom, and I do not want there to be ambiguity about whether the behavior is acceptable. The kind of kid who is giving this kind of sass at 9 years old is generally going to need a blunt approach.

[Anonymous]

I have worked with children for 30 years. To call this “snotty tween behavior” suggests that this type of response to adults is part of a developmental stage. It’s not. It’s just rudeness, lack of empathy, and poor impulse control.

Children acting this way is not typical, but is is increasingly more common. Classrooms are a nightmare right now, especially as a lot of parents and administrators do not support consequences.

[Anonymous]

NW DC children have serious entitlement problems. What should we do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are letting children intimidate you. When the kids sass you, you SASS BACK but in your most lighthearted manner. I don't care if these kids think I am cool, but I will always push back when they are rude. I try to keep it friendly and say ask for what I want.

So if a kid rolled their eyes when I asked a pizza preference I'd go big and silly "OK THEN! I guess anchovies alllllll arouund because that's Larla's favorite! Right Larla?" and then in a calm voice the say "ok but seriously, I'm getting all cheese unless someone has another request".

But don't let them shrink you with their attitude. If they see that works they do it more.

I think some kids would be encouraged to continue the behavior by this.

+1

My DH sometimes does this with kids and it just encourages sarcasm and sass. I also think directing that at one kid in a group of her peers, no matter how rude she is, could be really mortifying and just deepen her distrust of authority figures.

I feel you have to model maturity and respect for kids. Going tit for tat is escalating, even if you think you're hitting just the right tone.

It is all about the tone. And the kid. You can easily slip into a mocking tone, which will not go over well. But I find kids sometimes let something slip out that is RUDE and when you call them on it, in a kind or filly, but firm way, they usually don't do it again. The key is to make sure you are not acting wounded or mad about it. You are Fun Rule Mom, who is kind, but not putting up with BS.

See, I think unless this is perfectly executed it is not going to work. And anyway, I don't want to be fun mom, and I do not want there to be ambiguity about whether the behavior is acceptable. The kind of kid who is giving this kind of sass at 9 years old is generally going to need a blunt approach.

OP here and I agree. With our own kid, we always seek to be really clear about what our behavioral expectations are, and when possible, explain WHY certain behavior is not acceptable. One thing I've learned about my specific kid is that she doesn't always understand nuance, sarcasm, irony, etc. She's better at it now, but it's a very easy way to confuse her. So when I'm laying out a rule or telling her to stop with a behavior, I try to just be kind but firm.

I am reluctant to do that with other kids though because if a child has not had the experience of their own parent saying, clearly, "no, do not speak to me in that way, it is disrespectful," then it might be very upsetting or embarrassing to hear from another parent, especially in front of their friends. And the last thing I want is for them to get upset, go home and tell their parents (who maybe don't do a great job with rules and discipline to begin with) "hey Larla's mom yelled at me!" and then that parent is upset with me too. I'd rather just not wade into it.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old and genuinely have not experienced this with her group of friends. They definitely act sillier and more wild in a group but I’ve never experienced snottiness or rudeness. I will say that all their moms are super nice and grounded and well-mannered so I would expect the kids to be as well.