Possible relocation - what would you do?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Ok this is PP who said priorotize your kid's needs. Op, I thought you said your son was doing well in MS. Now he's not? Ok. Wish you had been honest about that in your OP. With this new info my vote is to def move and give him a fresh start. |
Anonymous
|
Has your husband looked at what job opportunities there might be for him in the new city? How stable is the new opportunity for you, including how well will it weather problems with the economy that everyone is saying are coming?
How well will your child tolerate you not being around half the time? How old are you and your husband, which will give us an idea of how many more years of working you are talking about? Is the misery in your current job because of the current administration, because you don’t like the actual work, or some other reason? |
Anonymous
|
Husband has just looked online for jobs in the new city and there definitely are some private sector postings that he'd be qualified for, but no way to tell how they'd view his application as he is a lifelong fed.
My new opportunity is very stable. Most of the people with similar roles have been there for well over a decade (and many far longer than that). There have never been layoffs, though of course there is a first time for everything. I'm 48 and DH is 52 (so he also is worried about age discrimination when he applies for new jobs). My misery mainly comes from what the administration did to my agency and what it continues to do. But even after this administration, I don't see how the agency recovers to anything like it had been, as so many people have left. I try not to panic about these sorts of things, but I don't see how it would be a place I want to work in the next decade.
|
Anonymous
| Make the move now. All of you. At 52, your husband won’t face the worst types of age discrimination because he realistically could be in his job for another 10-15 years. But if he waits a few years, it will be more of a problem. |
Anonymous
|
You are just trading your misery with his misery.
Pass on the job. |
Anonymous
It also depends on where the job is. If it’s in a livable and affordable area like Denver, there is less chance of misery than, say, Dayton or San Francisco. |
Anonymous
Agreed. At 52 the trailing spouse will most likely not get a job anything close in responsibility or pay to their current job. In most cases, a move only works in middle age if the trailing spouse is willing to stay at home or takes a hobby job (or can move and continue working remotely). I wouldn't move unless you can fully support the family and your DH is okay with an early retirement, even though that may involve some sort of part-time or underemployment. I am a trailing spouse and made clear that if we moved for DH's job, I would not be expected to earn a professional salary again. |
Anonymous
| If husband is a real superstar, there is the slight possibility that his agency would let him work remotely. Yes, this is unlikely with the new rules. But agencies can make exceptions. My agency just did for a coworker who we couldn’t afford to lose. |
Anonymous
| How solid is your marriage? |
Anonymous
Very solid. Married for 25 years. |
Anonymous
|
At 40, I no longer believe in dream jobs. The role may sound great, but may have a toxic manager, horrible clients, etc. Stuff that you can’t always assess during interviews but which can make you miserable.
I would take the job if you want to leave DC generally, and not just because of what you think this job might be. |
Anonymous
Do 3 and then, assuming you still like the job and new city, kid moves the year after next for high school, and husband moves when he retires a few months later. |
Anonymous
In that case, why not consider option 4, which you don't mention. Move with your son to the new city while your husband stays in DC during the week and joins you on weekends. Your husband can job hunt for the new locale if your family does love the area, or perhaps he might have some opportunity for remote work in the future. Your son could either interrupt the school year (since you mention the bullying, etc.) or opt to finish up the school year in the DMV area while staying with dad, and move over the summer to start 8th grade there. It would still be tough, but less impossible to imagine than being away M-F for years on end. |
Anonymous
| Option 3 for a year. |
Anonymous
| If you really can be home for 3-4 days per week, it’s not that much different than some of my friends who are consultants. |