Possible relocation - what would you do?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both federal employees. I have been misersble in my job all year but managing to avoid being laid off. DH still loves his job. We have one son who is in seventh grade.

I just got an offer for my absolute dream job - it is very secure and pays about 20% more than I currently make. Problem is that the job is halfway across the country in a town where DH would have trouble finding a job easily. If he did, it would be less money and not as good as his current job.

The way I see it, I have three options:

1. Decline the job offer and remain miserable as a fed, hoping things might change.

2. Take the job offer and we all move. Not having DH’s salary immediately would be a financial hit but housing is much cheaper in the new city so we probably could afford to purchase a house with no mortgage.

3. Take the job offer and only I move. DH stays in DC with son (who likes his school). The new job allows partial telecommuting so I could be back in DC most weeks from Friday-Monday.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would not consider 3 with a 7th grader.

Can you afford 2 if DH did not get a job right away. What are his thoughts on that?

Which location do you prefer regardless of jobs? Proximity to family, activities you enjoy, good schools, healthcare etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not consider 3 with a 7th grader.

Can you afford 2 if DH did not get a job right away. What are his thoughts on that?

Which location do you prefer regardless of jobs? Proximity to family, activities you enjoy, good schools, healthcare etc

We could afford 2 because we wouldn’t have a mortgage. It might be tighter and it certainly would change our retirement expectations because he’d no longer be earning a federal pension.

The new location is far better than DC. More livable, less traffic, and much better schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not consider 3 with a 7th grader.

Can you afford 2 if DH did not get a job right away. What are his thoughts on that?

Which location do you prefer regardless of jobs? Proximity to family, activities you enjoy, good schools, healthcare etc

We could afford 2 because we wouldn’t have a mortgage. It might be tighter and it certainly would change our retirement expectations because he’d no longer be earning a federal pension.

The new location is far better than DC. More livable, less traffic, and much better schools.

Then I would lean towards 2 and hope DH finds something remote he loves. Also...is there any change DH could keep his spot working somewhere close to the new location? My fed office is desperate to keep people. They will not allow work from home but they will allow work from an office in Minnesota in case of a hardship transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not consider 3 with a 7th grader.

Can you afford 2 if DH did not get a job right away. What are his thoughts on that?

Which location do you prefer regardless of jobs? Proximity to family, activities you enjoy, good schools, healthcare etc

We could afford 2 because we wouldn’t have a mortgage. It might be tighter and it certainly would change our retirement expectations because he’d no longer be earning a federal pension.

The new location is far better than DC. More livable, less traffic, and much better schools.

Is the bolded just your opinion or is it shared by DH? If DH wants to stay in DC, you should probably not take this job. Couples I’ve known who moved when only one wanted the move have been very unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I know families that have made 3 work. It is not easy, particularly when it is the mother who is living apart. Having more than 1 kid would make this too difficult, but with planning you could probably manage.

[Anonymous]

Quit two secure jobs at the same time and move to an area with a job market that apparently only is good for one parent? Seems like a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Accept new job. Live out option 3 for 6 months to make sure you love the job and scope out the location, housing market, etc. And if it’s as great as you thought- only then does DH quit his job and everyone moves.

[Anonymous]

Why would you apply to a job in a different area without your husband's buy in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit two secure jobs at the same time and move to an area with a job market that apparently only is good for one parent? Seems like a bad idea.

Are there two secure jobs? I don’t think federal jobs can still be considered that secure.

[Anonymous]

Bird in hand…you need to go for it.

People who survive recessions and come out ahead make strategic moves and don’t just wait around crossing their fingers.

As long as your DH likes the new location I’d go for it.

Federal employment is no longer stable and desirable, the job market in DC is terrible and I wouldn’t even count on a pension.

Also your DH can likely find gainful employment. Something decent.

Unfortunately if he refuses then he may need to learn the hard way when one of you is laid off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Accept new job. Live out option 3 for 6 months to make sure you love the job and scope out the location, housing market, etc. And if it’s as great as you thought- only then does DH quit his job and everyone moves.

This is what you do.

[Anonymous]

Agree that federal employment is about the least stable thing now.

[Anonymous]

Location of new job is “good” but do you have any ties there, i.e. friends or family? If not, is there a major airport nearby?

[Anonymous]

We moved out of DC for DH’s job to an area similar sounding to what OP described. No ties to the new area but a lot of good lifestyle features. Our kids were a little younger though.

I found a local job for less money and stayed at that for a year then got a fully remote job this summer at my previous salary. It’s been a good move. Take the leap.