Question for moms: did going part-time solve your work-life balance problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I highly recommend part-time if it’s workable financially. I’m a fed atty worked part-time for a few years while our kids were in early elementary. I was allowed to do it because I still worked 5 days a week, just shorter days (30 hours per week). Honestly, I worked more than 30 hours, but by being part-time, I was better able to manage everyone’s expectations for my schedule and I had flexibility to take the time for planned and “urgent” child-related things. And because I still worked every day, I maintained my normal workload so my colleagues didn’t have to cover for me. Bottom line - it wasn’t easy, but it bought me the flexibility to be a less anxious parent while enabling me to continue my professional career during the most challenging of childcare years.

+1 this is me exactly except I am not an attorney. The time I don’t work is filled with child care that others would outsource, so I’m not sure I’m any less busy but it’s been really good for my kids (SNs in the mix, after care is not ideal, we have weekly therapy etc). I, and my husband, enjoy knowing I could ramp back up pretty easily and earn a decent salary if he lost his job. I also know if my husband left me I’d be able to support my kids moderately well - this wasn’t something I cared about initially but I have been watching a friend deal with financial abuse and it’s been absolutely horrifying so it’s now an added benefit.

All that to say, it does depend on your spouse and your HHI a lot. I am not terribly stressed or upset by the money I leave on the table each year so I don’t get upset/angry if I work at night once in a while. I think it PT work can be great and a big reason it’s not more common is the whole WOHM vs SAHM mommy wars. Just try not to buy into any of that and just do what makes sense for your family.

I agree with most of what you said except the last part. It's not more common because a lot of employers don't offer it or don't create a culture where employees are comfortable taking it. The fed govt (until recent times) was one of the more family-friendly and work-life balance focused employers. (I'm a former fed atty from an earlier post.)

I think it’s more common than people realize, it’s just women feel pressured by the mommy wars to present themselves as having chosen a side. I can’t tell you how many moms I’ve met who say they work, tell me what their job is, I reply with the same, and then if I say oh I actually only work PT they tell me they do as well.

I actually once knew a mom who was a lawyer with 3 kids and a nanny who “confessed” to me over drinks that she only worked 15-20 hours a week and that this was a secret she didn’t want me sharing with others. It’s how she managed to be so active in our kids’ school community, manage music lessons for all three kids, etc, but she felt it was important to keep it a secret - even as others who knew her wondered how she “did it all”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I highly recommend part-time if it’s workable financially. I’m a fed atty worked part-time for a few years while our kids were in early elementary. I was allowed to do it because I still worked 5 days a week, just shorter days (30 hours per week). Honestly, I worked more than 30 hours, but by being part-time, I was better able to manage everyone’s expectations for my schedule and I had flexibility to take the time for planned and “urgent” child-related things. And because I still worked every day, I maintained my normal workload so my colleagues didn’t have to cover for me. Bottom line - it wasn’t easy, but it bought me the flexibility to be a less anxious parent while enabling me to continue my professional career during the most challenging of childcare years.

+1 this is me exactly except I am not an attorney. The time I don’t work is filled with child care that others would outsource, so I’m not sure I’m any less busy but it’s been really good for my kids (SNs in the mix, after care is not ideal, we have weekly therapy etc). I, and my husband, enjoy knowing I could ramp back up pretty easily and earn a decent salary if he lost his job. I also know if my husband left me I’d be able to support my kids moderately well - this wasn’t something I cared about initially but I have been watching a friend deal with financial abuse and it’s been absolutely horrifying so it’s now an added benefit.

All that to say, it does depend on your spouse and your HHI a lot. I am not terribly stressed or upset by the money I leave on the table each year so I don’t get upset/angry if I work at night once in a while. I think it PT work can be great and a big reason it’s not more common is the whole WOHM vs SAHM mommy wars. Just try not to buy into any of that and just do what makes sense for your family.

I agree with most of what you said except the last part. It's not more common because a lot of employers don't offer it or don't create a culture where employees are comfortable taking it. The fed govt (until recent times) was one of the more family-friendly and work-life balance focused employers. (I'm a former fed atty from an earlier post.)

I’m the PP you are responding to and yes I agree with you that it’s not offered much or encouraged (when I went PT in my current role it was something my boss set up specifically for me, but others have since done the same). I do stand by my comment though as when I was considering cutting back at work the SAHMs thought I should quit (my kids were young enough that still needed childcare at the time so I wasn’t “raising my own kids “) and my friends who still work FT can’t believe I don’t pursue my career more intensely and tried to convince me I’d do all the work for less pay, which has not been the case. Honestly the biggest downside for me personally to being PT is feeling like pretty much everyone disagrees with my decision one way or another. It’s obviously fine and that’s not how I make my decisions but I really wish working PT was more normalized especially where I live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I highly recommend part-time if it’s workable financially. I’m a fed atty worked part-time for a few years while our kids were in early elementary. I was allowed to do it because I still worked 5 days a week, just shorter days (30 hours per week). Honestly, I worked more than 30 hours, but by being part-time, I was better able to manage everyone’s expectations for my schedule and I had flexibility to take the time for planned and “urgent” child-related things. And because I still worked every day, I maintained my normal workload so my colleagues didn’t have to cover for me. Bottom line - it wasn’t easy, but it bought me the flexibility to be a less anxious parent while enabling me to continue my professional career during the most challenging of childcare years.

+1 this is me exactly except I am not an attorney. The time I don’t work is filled with child care that others would outsource, so I’m not sure I’m any less busy but it’s been really good for my kids (SNs in the mix, after care is not ideal, we have weekly therapy etc). I, and my husband, enjoy knowing I could ramp back up pretty easily and earn a decent salary if he lost his job. I also know if my husband left me I’d be able to support my kids moderately well - this wasn’t something I cared about initially but I have been watching a friend deal with financial abuse and it’s been absolutely horrifying so it’s now an added benefit.

All that to say, it does depend on your spouse and your HHI a lot. I am not terribly stressed or upset by the money I leave on the table each year so I don’t get upset/angry if I work at night once in a while. I think it PT work can be great and a big reason it’s not more common is the whole WOHM vs SAHM mommy wars. Just try not to buy into any of that and just do what makes sense for your family.

I agree with most of what you said except the last part. It's not more common because a lot of employers don't offer it or don't create a culture where employees are comfortable taking it. The fed govt (until recent times) was one of the more family-friendly and work-life balance focused employers. (I'm a former fed atty from an earlier post.)

I’m the PP you are responding to and yes I agree with you that it’s not offered much or encouraged (when I went PT in my current role it was something my boss set up specifically for me, but others have since done the same). I do stand by my comment though as when I was considering cutting back at work the SAHMs thought I should quit (my kids were young enough that still needed childcare at the time so I wasn’t “raising my own kids “) and my friends who still work FT can’t believe I don’t pursue my career more intensely and tried to convince me I’d do all the work for less pay, which has not been the case. Honestly the biggest downside for me personally to being PT is feeling like pretty much everyone disagrees with my decision one way or another. It’s obviously fine and that’s not how I make my decisions but I really wish working PT was more normalized especially where I live.

I think it's pretty normal in my circle. People think it's awesome when someone can still make a pretty high salary but work PT (part time Counsel at a law firm, certain doctor specialties like radiology). I don't think anyone cares if someone else isn't pursuing their career intensely. I think a lot of us are just jaded on the workplace at this age though. It's mostly a means to an end.

I live in a Bethesda and work FT but fully WFH. A lot of people seem to think that's pretty great.

[Anonymous]

I was part time for 12 years or so. When the kids were little, I had a nanny for working hours. That was key because if they were sick, I could still work. I started at 20 hours and eventually went to 30 (with some telework) when they were in school. It was a fantastic arrangement for my family. However, the key to my success was supportive management. They respected my agreed upon schedule and I provided flexibility whenever possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I highly recommend part-time if it’s workable financially. I’m a fed atty worked part-time for a few years while our kids were in early elementary. I was allowed to do it because I still worked 5 days a week, just shorter days (30 hours per week). Honestly, I worked more than 30 hours, but by being part-time, I was better able to manage everyone’s expectations for my schedule and I had flexibility to take the time for planned and “urgent” child-related things. And because I still worked every day, I maintained my normal workload so my colleagues didn’t have to cover for me. Bottom line - it wasn’t easy, but it bought me the flexibility to be a less anxious parent while enabling me to continue my professional career during the most challenging of childcare years.

If you ‘maintained your workload’ then you just accepted less pay for the same amount of work ? In return for flexible hours?

This issue comes down to whether you're trying to go part time to cut your work responsibilities, or if you're trying to go part time to commit less hours to work. Most people are absurdly inefficient at work - one hour lunches, dumb meetings etc. It's pretty easy to figure out how to turn an 8 hour day into a 5.5 hour day and still get all the same amount of work done. Most moms who go PT are doing the schedule change to make sure they can walk away from work at 3pm every day, and don't care if they get paid for the same work output as a FT person. That's how I was. Happy to take a commensurate pay cut in order to walk away from work without guilt. I still got most of my work done. It was a short period of my career (5 years, only one kid) and i was seen as a highly productive employee still during that time, so easy to slide back into full time with extremely high pay.

[Anonymous]

For me it has been great ( psychologist, home office). But of course not without conflict. Earlier on I did feel a self esteem/identity drop because I was no longer singularly focused on my career as I was before kids. But now many years in and in my fifties it has been a lifesaver, particularly when my kids became teens, one of them was diagnosed with a health issue and needed me more as we navigated appointments, some medical crisis, etc. She's well now but it was a demanding two years. My parents are aging too and live in another state so having more flexibility helps there too. I take the long view on careers...it's good to pace yourself if you can and also to keep in mind you are not a machine. As kids hit adolescence it can get more complicated. It's good to have some bandwidth for that. Having a supportive partner helps too. I do do a lot at home but not everything. He cooks and contributes in different ways, we are partners and yes I kept my cleaning person every two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I highly recommend part-time if it’s workable financially. I’m a fed atty worked part-time for a few years while our kids were in early elementary. I was allowed to do it because I still worked 5 days a week, just shorter days (30 hours per week). Honestly, I worked more than 30 hours, but by being part-time, I was better able to manage everyone’s expectations for my schedule and I had flexibility to take the time for planned and “urgent” child-related things. And because I still worked every day, I maintained my normal workload so my colleagues didn’t have to cover for me. Bottom line - it wasn’t easy, but it bought me the flexibility to be a less anxious parent while enabling me to continue my professional career during the most challenging of childcare years.

+1 this is me exactly except I am not an attorney. The time I don’t work is filled with child care that others would outsource, so I’m not sure I’m any less busy but it’s been really good for my kids (SNs in the mix, after care is not ideal, we have weekly therapy etc). I, and my husband, enjoy knowing I could ramp back up pretty easily and earn a decent salary if he lost his job. I also know if my husband left me I’d be able to support my kids moderately well - this wasn’t something I cared about initially but I have been watching a friend deal with financial abuse and it’s been absolutely horrifying so it’s now an added benefit.

All that to say, it does depend on your spouse and your HHI a lot. I am not terribly stressed or upset by the money I leave on the table each year so I don’t get upset/angry if I work at night once in a while. I think it PT work can be great and a big reason it’s not more common is the whole WOHM vs SAHM mommy wars. Just try not to buy into any of that and just do what makes sense for your family.

I agree with most of what you said except the last part. It's not more common because a lot of employers don't offer it or don't create a culture where employees are comfortable taking it. The fed govt (until recent times) was one of the more family-friendly and work-life balance focused employers. (I'm a former fed atty from an earlier post.)

I’m the PP you are responding to and yes I agree with you that it’s not offered much or encouraged (when I went PT in my current role it was something my boss set up specifically for me, but others have since done the same). I do stand by my comment though as when I was considering cutting back at work the SAHMs thought I should quit (my kids were young enough that still needed childcare at the time so I wasn’t “raising my own kids “) and my friends who still work FT can’t believe I don’t pursue my career more intensely and tried to convince me I’d do all the work for less pay, which has not been the case. Honestly the biggest downside for me personally to being PT is feeling like pretty much everyone disagrees with my decision one way or another. It’s obviously fine and that’s not how I make my decisions but I really wish working PT was more normalized especially where I live.

I went part time for years, and I did not have any FT working friends who were not incredibly supportive. Everyone knows work and kids is tough. The FT working moms were all “yay I’m glad you’re sticking with your career and not quitting”. In fact now that I think back, the sahm women I knew were also cool about my work schedule and more nice to me than they tycpaily would have been to a working mom, because they felt like I was kind of sympathetic to their choices. Point being, I didn’t sense any judging. Rather it felt like I was making everyone pretty happy. Not that it mattered what they thought. But I felt like I was straddling both camps pretty well:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it has been great ( psychologist, home office). But of course not without conflict. Earlier on I did feel a self esteem/identity drop because I was no longer singularly focused on my career as I was before kids. But now many years in and in my fifties it has been a lifesaver, particularly when my kids became teens, one of them was diagnosed with a health issue and needed me more as we navigated appointments, some medical crisis, etc. She's well now but it was a demanding two years. My parents are aging too and live in another state so having more flexibility helps there too. I take the long view on careers...it's good to pace yourself if you can and also to keep in mind you are not a machine. As kids hit adolescence it can get more complicated. It's good to have some bandwidth for that. Having a supportive partner helps too. I do do a lot at home but not everything. He cooks and contributes in different ways, we are partners and yes I kept my cleaning person every two weeks.

How part time did you go that you felt you were not “singularly focused on your career”? When as a lawyer I dropped to 30-ish hours a week, I still felt like work filled up a huge part of my day and was the primary thing I was doing all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it has been great ( psychologist, home office). But of course not without conflict. Earlier on I did feel a self esteem/identity drop because I was no longer singularly focused on my career as I was before kids. But now many years in and in my fifties it has been a lifesaver, particularly when my kids became teens, one of them was diagnosed with a health issue and needed me more as we navigated appointments, some medical crisis, etc. She's well now but it was a demanding two years. My parents are aging too and live in another state so having more flexibility helps there too. I take the long view on careers...it's good to pace yourself if you can and also to keep in mind you are not a machine. As kids hit adolescence it can get more complicated. It's good to have some bandwidth for that. Having a supportive partner helps too. I do do a lot at home but not everything. He cooks and contributes in different ways, we are partners and yes I kept my cleaning person every two weeks.

How part time did you go that you felt you were not “singularly focused on your career”? When as a lawyer I dropped to 30-ish hours a week, I still felt like work filled up a huge part of my day and was the primary thing I was doing all day.

This makes sense...so for therapists part time clinical work (meaning *billable hours) is in my estimate, below twenty hours per week, since having kids I do about 15 clinical hours, sometimes less, per week. I sometimes take classes virtually or seek out a colleague for consultation on difficult cases. as well but these are choices,and obviously not income producing but they improve my clinical work and build connections. This spring I am teaching. Admin and returning calls take maybe an hour or two
per week. I write quick notes during virtual sessions or briefly after in person sessions.

I have the pros and cons if pt work. I have a job that is fascinating and demanding and I have built an ideal practice I love.

At the same time, I don't make the money my full time colleagues make, obviously, I have not I made a big name for myself ( though I think I am known enough and my work is respected). I try to do excellent work, over many years in my own little practice basically and I make the effort to be involved enough in my main professional organization. I am not a professional superstar though. But I do have a loving family I get to enjoy and enough space and time in my life to see friends, parent, have an organized house and good marriage and to not have burned out basically. I am slow and steady. For better or worse. I can feel bad if I compare myself to my top tier colleagues. But most of the time I feel really good about my part time career. It just took time to get there. I woukd say it's a process like anything else. You try it and then tweak it if you need to. Or tweak your expectations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I ended up being paid for 20 hours but working closer to 35-40 hours per week. This was less than I would have otherwise, but very far from half time. It only works if you actually work half time.

Exactly my experience. Basically the message was 40 hours a week was part time. IT / Engineering Consultant

Same for my IT career...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I was part time for 10 years while my 3 kids were young. Then I ramped back up to full-time.

I am so grateful that I was able to be part-time. It had downsides, but at least I did not feel guilty for being away from the kids so much.

I'm now 55 (with 3 kids in college), and working full-time as an in-house counsel at a corporation. I could ramp up my career at this point if I would like, but I'm happy with my salary and work-life balance.

In the future, my goal is to work until 65 and allow my 2 daughters to be SAH moms if they would like, and help them financially if they need it. (This is a variation on the grandparents providing childcare while the mom works. Instead, my goal is to be the grandparent who works, so that the moms can take care of the kids.)

That is so generous of you.

[Anonymous]

No, made it horrible. Theyre in preschool. Just went SAH and grieving that I couldn’t make it work til everyone was in school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have always worked fulltime. I've made adjustments at various points in my career (stepping out of management roles, moving to positions less "in the hot seat", a little more telework, etc.) but now with all three kids in elementary school, I still feel like working 40+ hours is not ideal and I want to explore the option of working part time in the near future.

Setting aside the question of finding a position (which I know isn't easy) and whether it would work for us financially, I wanted to see if other moms who switched from full to part time work found that it was sufficiently helpful in bringing work-life balance. Or, did it actually create more stress (i.e. less time to get work done but expectations to do more with kids, too much of a financial hit, etc.)? And how many hours did you work per week, since part time can be many things?

Anyone care to share their experience?

It hasn’t solved it for my friends so I refuse to do it. DH is supportive of me quoting entirely, but we both realize my job will expand to fill any space it can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it does. But you will still feel busy every day. Don't take on more volunteer commitments like room mom, etc., because you think you have more time. You really don't. You will have more time to take care of chores and go to appointments, though, which is nice.

This. Every day feels busy and full, but I feel like less of a failure.

[Anonymous]

I work 3.5 days a week/27 hours a week self employed as a therapist and it’s great. I can not imagine working more.