BF-GF sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m told that it is commonly accepted by parents that their teenagers will have sleepovers with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I completely floored by this concept and not sure if I should believe what I’m hearing. Is this really a thing these days where parents just go along with this or even enable it on summer trips?

Depends on the kids and family really.
Spent a month at a bf's family's ranch as a kid, hundreds of miles away from home. Was just 14 and he was 17. We had separate bedrooms but didn't always use them.
Story as old as time.

You should not have had a boyfriend at 14 especially one that was 17and no way traveling together.

I'm sorry your parents were so neglectful

We didn't travel together, his parents came and got me.

Our families knew each other. Both were large ranching and farming families well known among that circle.

Sorry your family wasn't mature enough to raise you to be independent.

That's even more effed up your parents essentially trafficked you

Interesting how your mind works.
I'd suspect you are on some lists.

I'm not the one claiming that parents arranging for their 14 year old to go with a 17 year old on vacation to have sex is independence. Part of a parents job even for teenagers is to provide age appropriate protection and they didn't do that. I'm sorry you didn't have that and I'm sorry you still think that was okay.

[Anonymous]

My white/WASP DS just graduated hs and has been dating a lovely young woman a year behind him whose parents both immigrated from countries with more conservative dating cultures. Because she lives in another town it has been easier/safer to have kids stay at one another’s houses sometimes and actually it was her family who started this practice ( which surprised me.) When she stays at our house I always have the guest room made up for her although I don’t keep tabs on where they actually end up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never heard of this. My teen has had a GF for over a year and has slept over at her family’s weekend home a few times. However, in each instance, her parents and I communicated beforehand and it was made clear he would be sleeping with her brother. They’ve never suggested a sleepover at home, nor would either set of parents allow it.

Kinky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in our household. Not at 19 either. You can share a room in our house when there's a ring on someone's finger and not before

So they’ll just stay in a hotel when they visit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allowed this from 17 onwards in the context of a committed relationship. My kids have turned out great and are both in good long-term relationships, one is engaged.

I don’t really care what anyone else does.

No one should be in a committed relationship at 17
.

I'm a PP who finds this whole trend bizarre. And it's mostly for the reason that the PP above notes. No one should be so attached to their HS boyfriend/girlfriend that they're routinely sleeping over. Forget the sex, they're just too young for become part of the family. I'm in my 50s and one of my oldest friends is still obsessed with her HS boyfriend who dumped her when we were 17 and destroyed her self-esteem.

That’s not normal. Most people can move on from a breakup. Sure those people shouldn’t be in a relationship but the vast majority of people are not like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allowed this from 17 onwards in the context of a committed relationship. My kids have turned out great and are both in good long-term relationships, one is engaged.

I don’t really care what anyone else does.

No one should be in a committed relationship at 17
.

I'm a PP who finds this whole trend bizarre. And it's mostly for the reason that the PP above notes. No one should be so attached to their HS boyfriend/girlfriend that they're routinely sleeping over. Forget the sex, they're just too young for become part of the family. I'm in my 50s and one of my oldest friends is still obsessed with her HS boyfriend who dumped her when we were 17 and destroyed her self-esteem.

It really isn't age appropriate. They aren't adults. And I see the impact of such permissive parenting in my office every day. You can and should set limits for your kids and their dating habits they need you to.

What are the impacts of such permissive parenting? Oh no, the teens are ruined for ever! The girl will have no decent suitors from good families for her future arranged marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some families allow this, some don't. Disregarding the occasional logistical reasons like late nights/snowstorms, etc., those who do allow it are just accepting of what is going on (i.e., sex). Also, age matters a lot. 14 vs. 18 is a very big difference.

Among those who don't (which are most, but not by the majority you'd think), I believe:

1) Some don't as a way to pretend that their teens do not have sex, even when they know they do. It's a "I'm not going to make it easy for you," which still signals that it's wrong and potentially dangerous but in a subtle way. It keeps the conversation shut down, which can be beneficial in the short-term (avoids the awkward!) but potentially negative long-term (teens don't feel it's okay to ask parents questions or share concerns, and/or lie).

2) Others don't because they truly believe it prevents teens from having sex. It doesn't generally, because obviously sex can take place anywhere (well, almost anywhere) at any time. So it's about control.

3) A third group doesn't actually care but doesn't allow it because they don't want to be judged.

+1

The parents that are supposedly stricter don’t understand how to make the transition of their children into adulthood. Sex happens, can’t see why is that such a problem. Likely the culture of the parents is that they hide romantic affection with each other in front of the kids, assuming it still exists.

The parents that don’t allow also fall into several categories.

1. Cultural taboo, sex is perceived as something shameful, that should be kept after marriage, or put some value on (female) virginity of low number of sexual partners.

2. Parents assume that having a romantic partner in high school is a distraction from more important things like academics and extracurriculars. These parents usually want tight control over what their kids are doing.

3. Don’t care, but don’t allow it because they don’t want to be judged.

Age and maturity matter, if you’ll treat your 20 something year old that graduated college, the same way as a 13 year old middle schooler, you wont have a good relationship with your adult child.

Weird. I and everyone I grew up with and close friends circle now didn't have sleepovers with our boyfriends/ girlfriends in college and still have a great relationship with our parents. Interestingly those with permissive parents have difficult relationship now .

Most young adults resent that level of control at 20-25. When do you allow them to be independent, and treat them like they are allowed to do whatever they want? Curious why it is so bothersome that your 20 something is having sex in your house.

We don't believe in sex before marriage. We also believe in respecting the rules of the house you are in.

You might not believe in a spherical Earth either, but that doesn't mean it isn't a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m told that it is commonly accepted by parents that their teenagers will have sleepovers with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I completely floored by this concept and not sure if I should believe what I’m hearing. Is this really a thing these days where parents just go along with this or even enable it on summer trips?

Depends on the kids and family really.
Spent a month at a bf's family's ranch as a kid, hundreds of miles away from home. Was just 14 and he was 17. We had separate bedrooms but didn't always use them.
Story as old as time.

You should not have had a boyfriend at 14 especially one that was 17and no way traveling together.

I'm sorry your parents were so neglectful

We didn't travel together, his parents came and got me.

Our families knew each other. Both were large ranching and farming families well known among that circle.

Sorry your family wasn't mature enough to raise you to be independent.

That's even more effed up your parents essentially trafficked you

Interesting how your mind works.
I'd suspect you are on some lists.

I'm not the one claiming that parents arranging for their 14 year old to go with a 17 year old on vacation to have sex is independence. Part of a parents job even for teenagers is to provide age appropriate protection and they didn't do that. I'm sorry you didn't have that and I'm sorry you still think that was okay.

See how your mind works? You are obsessive with that thought. Nothing was said about that being the reason. That's all on you.

[Anonymous]

What are the families going to do now that abortion is illegal? Back to the 1950s, minus the good economy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the families going to do now that abortion is illegal? Back to the 1950s, minus the good economy.

Move to a blue state?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m told that it is commonly accepted by parents that their teenagers will have sleepovers with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I completely floored by this concept and not sure if I should believe what I’m hearing. Is this really a thing these days where parents just go along with this or even enable it on summer trips?

Depends on the kids and family really.
Spent a month at a bf's family's ranch as a kid, hundreds of miles away from home. Was just 14 and he was 17. We had separate bedrooms but didn't always use them.
Story as old as time.

You should not have had a boyfriend at 14 especially one that was 17and no way traveling together.

I'm sorry your parents were so neglectful

We didn't travel together, his parents came and got me.

Our families knew each other. Both were large ranching and farming families well known among that circle.

Sorry your family wasn't mature enough to raise you to be independent.

That's even more effed up your parents essentially trafficked you

Interesting how your mind works.
I'd suspect you are on some lists.

I'm not the one claiming that parents arranging for their 14 year old to go with a 17 year old on vacation to have sex is independence. Part of a parents job even for teenagers is to provide age appropriate protection and they didn't do that. I'm sorry you didn't have that and I'm sorry you still think that was okay.

See how your mind works? You are obsessive with that thought. Nothing was said about that being the reason. That's all on you.

You ;iterally wrote that your parents and his arranged to spend the summer together. You wrote that you 2 had sec. He was 17 and 14. You also wrote that your parents doing this means they valued your independence. To the rest of us your boyfriend is guilty of statutory rape, and his and your parents facilitated that.

That's the reality. Your Whataboutism and attenpts to deflect don't work here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some families allow this, some don't. Disregarding the occasional logistical reasons like late nights/snowstorms, etc., those who do allow it are just accepting of what is going on (i.e., sex). Also, age matters a lot. 14 vs. 18 is a very big difference.

Among those who don't (which are most, but not by the majority you'd think), I believe:

1) Some don't as a way to pretend that their teens do not have sex, even when they know they do. It's a "I'm not going to make it easy for you," which still signals that it's wrong and potentially dangerous but in a subtle way. It keeps the conversation shut down, which can be beneficial in the short-term (avoids the awkward!) but potentially negative long-term (teens don't feel it's okay to ask parents questions or share concerns, and/or lie).

2) Others don't because they truly believe it prevents teens from having sex. It doesn't generally, because obviously sex can take place anywhere (well, almost anywhere) at any time. So it's about control.

3) A third group doesn't actually care but doesn't allow it because they don't want to be judged.

+1

The parents that are supposedly stricter don’t understand how to make the transition of their children into adulthood. Sex happens, can’t see why is that such a problem. Likely the culture of the parents is that they hide romantic affection with each other in front of the kids, assuming it still exists.

The parents that don’t allow also fall into several categories.

1. Cultural taboo, sex is perceived as something shameful, that should be kept after marriage, or put some value on (female) virginity of low number of sexual partners.

2. Parents assume that having a romantic partner in high school is a distraction from more important things like academics and extracurriculars. These parents usually want tight control over what their kids are doing.

3. Don’t care, but don’t allow it because they don’t want to be judged.

Age and maturity matter, if you’ll treat your 20 something year old that graduated college, the same way as a 13 year old middle schooler, you wont have a good relationship with your adult child.

Weird. I and everyone I grew up with and close friends circle now didn't have sleepovers with our boyfriends/ girlfriends in college and still have a great relationship with our parents. Interestingly those with permissive parents have difficult relationship now .

Most young adults resent that level of control at 20-25. When do you allow them to be independent, and treat them like they are allowed to do whatever they want? Curious why it is so bothersome that your 20 something is having sex in your house.

We don't believe in sex before marriage. We also believe in respecting the rules of the house you are in.

You might not believe in a spherical Earth either, but that doesn't mean it isn't a thing.

Your comment doesn't make sense? Do you care to explain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not in our household. Not at 19 either. You can share a room in our house when there's a ring on someone's finger and not before

So they’ll just stay in a hotel when they visit you.

They haven't so far, but if they do okay,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allowed this from 17 onwards in the context of a committed relationship. My kids have turned out great and are both in good long-term relationships, one is engaged.

I don’t really care what anyone else does.

No one should be in a committed relationship at 17
.

I'm a PP who finds this whole trend bizarre. And it's mostly for the reason that the PP above notes. No one should be so attached to their HS boyfriend/girlfriend that they're routinely sleeping over. Forget the sex, they're just too young for become part of the family. I'm in my 50s and one of my oldest friends is still obsessed with her HS boyfriend who dumped her when we were 17 and destroyed her self-esteem.

It really isn't age appropriate. They aren't adults. And I see the impact of such permissive parenting in my office every day. You can and should set limits for your kids and their dating habits they need you to.

What are the impacts of such permissive parenting? Oh no, the teens are ruined for ever! The girl will have no decent suitors from good families for her future arranged marriage.

Anxiety, depression. Increase risk for drug and alcohol abuse. Increased risk for risky behavior ( e what do i have to do to get mom and dad to sat no more). and a large number of young ladies in my office end up sexually assaulted at these sleepovers and parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allowed this from 17 onwards in the context of a committed relationship. My kids have turned out great and are both in good long-term relationships, one is engaged.

I don’t really care what anyone else does.

No one should be in a committed relationship at 17
.

I'm a PP who finds this whole trend bizarre. And it's mostly for the reason that the PP above notes. No one should be so attached to their HS boyfriend/girlfriend that they're routinely sleeping over. Forget the sex, they're just too young for become part of the family. I'm in my 50s and one of my oldest friends is still obsessed with her HS boyfriend who dumped her when we were 17 and destroyed her self-esteem.

It really isn't age appropriate. They aren't adults. And I see the impact of such permissive parenting in my office every day. You can and should set limits for your kids and their dating habits they need you to.

What are the impacts of such permissive parenting? Oh no, the teens are ruined for ever! The girl will have no decent suitors from good families for her future arranged marriage.

Anxiety, depression. Increase risk for drug and alcohol abuse. Increased risk for risky behavior ( e what do i have to do to get mom and dad to sat no more). and a large number of young ladies in my office end up sexually assaulted at these sleepovers and parties.

A large number (10-20???) of young ladies in your office ended up sexually assaulted at these sleepovers with their boyfriends while in their parents house? What parties are you talking about, are you imagining some kind of orgies taking place? Honey, you forgot to take your meds again.