My parents are upset we didn’t invite them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you tell her you were going there for a weekend? My inlaws, parents, nextdoor neighbors, multiple close friends, and coworkers have no idea where I’m going to be this weekend.

This. That was your mistake. Over sharing.

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar boat, OP. Except mine did t complain as much as yours but it was apparent that we’d have to take into account their growing limitations as well as the already big challenges of our 3 small kids. Plus, in the past we paid for the trip and this year we just couldn’t afford a place that would accommodate us all. We just told them we were going and they asked if they could come and I said the place wasn’t big enough.nothing more I could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - below is literally the exact script I used on my parents for a similar situation:

"We didn't invite you because you said you couldn't travel. We have already made our plans for that weekend and unfortunately due to your and dad's mobility issues, you wouldn't be able to participate. We'd love to come visit when the kids have a long weekend in the fall so that we can spend time with you."

+1. This is the most adult and reasonable reply. It’s honest and straightforward without being mean.

I mostly agree but I do wonder about leading with empathy, or acknowledging their feelings and yours too. I wish you could come too, it stinks to miss and we'll miss you. But remember the last time, we all agreed that the travel is just too much with kids that need to be active. Then the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

What is this place you repeat visit?

[Anonymous]

At some point you just have to be ok with them being upset. Don't get into the mode where you are trying to get them see your very valid point of view. Just say "I can see you're upset about this" and stay neutral and then move on. Don't explain or defend yourself. They are looking for ways to make you feel bad and to give in to their POV. If you don't get into a back and forth about it, that can't happen.

My MIL is a lot like this. We have learned to just shrug and say "ok" when she complains. I'm sure she talks trash about us but IDGAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a troll on here who constantly makes up stories about overbearing mothers and MILs?

Just tell her the harsh truth, OP. No gloves.

I’m not a troll, I wish I didn’t have this issue.

I hate to have to spell it out like that because she has to know, right?

PP you replied to.

I wish I could make a PSA about this.

You enabled this behavior by not speaking out sooner. Doormats never win. There are very few truly vulnerable people in the world who cannot stand up to their bullies. The rest can, but won't, because they're cowards. You've got to accept people are going to be unhappy with you in order to protect your rights.

So do what needs to be done.

Hmm, ok, I gotcha, but I also feel like I sort of did protect my rights. We vowed never to travel with them again and we aren’t. They also aren’t going on this trip. I’m just trying to avoid crushing them with the truth, but perhaps that’s unavoidable.

DP
Some people, like my parents, refuse to learn. Even when I'm direct with the truth and it hurts their feelings, they refuse to learn. You have to have boundaries or it will be a take, take, take relationships. Maybe that's just my parents....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point you just have to be ok with them being upset. Don't get into the mode where you are trying to get them see your very valid point of view. Just say "I can see you're upset about this" and stay neutral and then move on. Don't explain or defend yourself. They are looking for ways to make you feel bad and to give in to their POV. If you don't get into a back and forth about it, that can't happen.

My MIL is a lot like this. We have learned to just shrug and say "ok" when she complains. I'm sure she talks trash about us but IDGAF.

This X10000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you tell them? That’s just 1) rubbing in their faces that they can’t travel like they used to 2) that you didn’t invite them.

Seems mean, honestly. In the future keep your tap shut.

For a lot of us it would not be logistically possible to keep travel a secret. You also don't have to be so nasty. I believe in telling them and letting them know it wasn't possible to include them. They're adults and their personality problems are not my responsibility to fix.

DP

It sounds like you have a personality problem that is within your control to fix.