DH is wild

[Anonymous]

my daughter has a partner like this, though i don't think he has ever not come home.

get ready to deal with a DUI in the near future. it's coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married and randomly spending the night elsewhere- would be a non-negotiable. I’ve seen way too many marriages where cheating happened on those nights. Friends providing alibis, lies, etc. It’s very immature at almost 40.

Yep. cheating or alcoholism.

I vote for both.

Being unreachable, not coming home and showing up at 9am the next day….yep he was fkg someone else that night.

[Anonymous]

I’d call him immature and selfish, not wild. Definitely do not have kids with him.

[Anonymous]

He needs to tell you where he is staying at least via text if he's not coming home. Yes he does sound immature like this is something a 22yo who's single is more likely to be doing. But unless you are worried about cheating I don't really see the big deal. Seems like he's always been like this - why did you think marriage would be different than your relationship before that once it got serious?

I would be more concerned if you had kids / wanted kids that he would not be an equal and dependable parent l.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't describe that as "wild" on its own. Can you provide more examples?

OP here. It’s just that he generally has a go with the flow live in the moment attitude. He also has ADHD which I assume contributes. He’s also very stubborn and generally feels entitled to do as he pleases often.

I think not coming home after going out is a problem. We are married. I don’t mind that he has fun, but he shouldn’t over do things to the point that he’s not coming home until the next morning and not calling.

Twice a YEAR? Come on. You know this about him. Show him some grace. Demand that you know where he is but if he needs to stay over (again twice a year?) then stop being so tightly wound. If kids are involved or you genuinely think he has developed a drinking problem then say something. Otherwise, stop being so uptight. Otherwise, decide now, before kids, that you aren't well suited and divorce. Seriously. He very well might decide that he would prefer a partner who can also be extroverted.

show him some grace for being irresponsible, a liar, and possibly a cheat? Grace is for honest mistakes, not habitual poor choices.

Enjoy being a doormat, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't describe that as "wild" on its own. Can you provide more examples?

OP here. It’s just that he generally has a go with the flow live in the moment attitude. He also has ADHD which I assume contributes. He’s also very stubborn and generally feels entitled to do as he pleases often.

I think not coming home after going out is a problem. We are married. I don’t mind that he has fun, but he shouldn’t over do things to the point that he’s not coming home until the next morning and not calling.

Twice a YEAR? Come on. You know this about him. Show him some grace. Demand that you know where he is but if he needs to stay over (again twice a year?) then stop being so tightly wound. If kids are involved or you genuinely think he has developed a drinking problem then say something. Otherwise, stop being so uptight. Otherwise, decide now, before kids, that you aren't well suited and divorce. Seriously. He very well might decide that he would prefer a partner who can also be extroverted.

show him some grace for being irresponsible, a liar, and possibly a cheat? Grace is for honest mistakes, not habitual poor choices.

Enjoy being a doormat, pp.

Disappearing for the night and drinking a lot ……leave him or don’t plan on having kids. I see misery and you taking on 100% of everything once the kids come.

+3 voting that he’s cheating. I had this happen. It’s cheating.

[Anonymous]

The only circumstances under which it is acceptable to not come home at night without alerting your spouse is if you are in a coma or dead. There’s nothing wrong with crashing on a friend’s couch when you’ve had a few too many, but you damn well call or text to let your family know where you are.

Your husband is acting like a selfish, overgrown frat boy who isn’t ready to leave the Kappa Sig house.

[Anonymous]

That's not really wild. If you knew he liked to party and you still married him, that's a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Who are the friends he hangs out with? Is it always the same group of people? Or given his “ability” to make new friends, always a different crowd that is much younger than him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d call him immature and selfish, not wild. Definitely do not have kids with him.

+1
I don’t think “wild” is the word I’d use to describe this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't describe that as "wild" on its own. Can you provide more examples?

OP here. It’s just that he generally has a go with the flow live in the moment attitude. He also has ADHD which I assume contributes. He’s also very stubborn and generally feels entitled to do as he pleases often.

I think not coming home after going out is a problem. We are married. I don’t mind that he has fun, but he shouldn’t over do things to the point that he’s not coming home until the next morning and not calling.

Are you planning to have kids? This set up is bad enough when you're just married but it will be way worse with kids. He sounds like he doesn't want to grow up. How old are you both?

[Anonymous]

Being married doesn't mean you can suffocate him. He needs to understand you would prefer a message at any hour, that he's not coming home - when that happens twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are the friends he hangs out with? Is it always the same group of people? Or given his “ability” to make new friends, always a different crowd that is much younger than him?

It’s always the same friends. They are old friends he’s had for a long time, who are his “party friends”. All of them are immature and I spend little time with them. As opposed to his more mature friends who I socialize with every couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being married doesn't mean you can suffocate him. He needs to understand you would prefer a message at any hour, that he's not coming home - when that happens twice a year.

Yeah he's only totally disrespectful to the relationship twice a year. OP really needs to lighten up. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's an overgrown boy with no sense of responsibility and a thinning sense of basic decency? Nah, this shit isn't cute after, like, 25, tops.

If you don't have kids, don't have kids. He's still very much a child himself. If you do, yikes. Honestly? I'd divorce him. Ignore the nutters who will say it's your fault for being a "wallflower" or whatever other nonsense. Needing to pass out on someone else's couch is a college thing. If you're still doing that as an adult, more than maybe once every 3-4 years, you either have a substance use problem or just feel a sense of entitlement that doesn't fit with being a partner. Not a good look either way.

He can go out for his birthday, get white boy wasted and crash with his bestie (and that way, it's not a surprise to you). Anything more than that is indulgent to the point of ridiculousness, and if he's not willing to dial it back, well, there's the problem.

People should marry someone who agrees on the exact number of times one may get "white boy wasted" per year, and the appropriate occasions for doing so, while remaining short of ridiculousness. Your number is one, on a birthday. OPs seems to be a couple times a year. For others it will be zero.