Did anyone's kid choose quality of life/social factors over prestige?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case the schools are largely the same so prestige doesn't matter so the child can choose the more social school without sacrificing academics and prestige.

But in other cases one has to consider the peer group. The other kids might be "fun" but will your kid have a lot in common with them? Will these kids go on to do the same level of things that grads of the higher ranked schools do? For many of us, our college friends are our lifelong friend group and network.

Agree peer group matters for all the reasons.
But UVA students are not at all the same peer group as northwestern and the ivies.

You are grossly underestimating UVA peer group. Grossly.

Top 10% at UVA might equal top 50% at Penn or Northwestern. Just a rough sketch.

My valedictorian, 4.0 uw, 1550 (no prep), NMF with great ECs is at UVA as an Echols Scholar and absolutely loves the school. Found their people (out of state and in-state) who are brilliant, fun, and driven - just a bunch of wonderful, salt of the earth group. Gorgeous campus with every possible resource and opportunity. My kid has thoroughly enjoyed all their courses and professors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you mean by social/quality of life? My penn seas DD picked it because of social fit and ability to continue music and be an engineer. She just finished freshman year with a 3.91. The two other top-12 she got accepted to had a similar feel but Penn edged them out with arts and collaboration among engineering evident at admitted days. UVA is very Greek-forward, fewer club spots for freshmen than penn, arts are not easy to do as an engineeri and not at all the quality of life she wanted.

I think by social I mean friendly, laid back kids, lots of parties, lots of hanging out on the lawn. And there is probably some element of wanting preppy and mainstream.
Greek forward is viewed as a positive to her. She is very smart but isn't a striver (if striver means pushing the envelope beyond what is asked) or an academic and she isn't quirky at all. No obscure interests or passions. Little career direction. She is very well-liked, very hard working, and a perfectionist. She has done very well at a challenging magnet school in highest rigor courses. But she is not entering college with passions about economics or philosophy or robotics or anything really.

[Anonymous]

If interested in finance then Penn or Columbia probably have better recruiting and placement.

Also UVA Greek life is not something out of state students can just walk right into because they are interested. See the many post from January about sorority/fraternity rush at UVA. Girls want to be in the “top tier” sororities because that’s the only way to get into the fraternity parties. They use door lists so girls can’t just get in like in the old days. Guys want to be the ones throwing the parties. It can create a ton of social pressure and stress that might not be found at Columbia or Penn?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter told you her choice. Can you imagine telling her, “wrong choice, you will be going to X school?”

If you did do that, would you be prepared for her resentment if she dislikes your choice next year?

I’d let my kid go with UVA (a very well respected school) and never bring up the other school again. If she keeps hearing the “what if?” , she may grow to resent you.

It’s time to listen to her. It’s her college education and experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you mean by social/quality of life? My penn seas DD picked it because of social fit and ability to continue music and be an engineer. She just finished freshman year with a 3.91. The two other top-12 she got accepted to had a similar feel but Penn edged them out with arts and collaboration among engineering evident at admitted days. UVA is very Greek-forward, fewer club spots for freshmen than penn, arts are not easy to do as an engineeri and not at all the quality of life she wanted.

I think by social I mean friendly, laid back kids, lots of parties, lots of hanging out on the lawn. And there is probably some element of wanting preppy and mainstream.
Greek forward is viewed as a positive to her. She is very smart but isn't a striver (if striver means pushing the envelope beyond what is asked) or an academic and she isn't quirky at all. No obscure interests or passions. Little career direction. She is very well-liked, very hard working, and a perfectionist. She has done very well at a challenging magnet school in highest rigor courses. But she is not entering college with passions about economics or philosophy or robotics or anything really.

Your child sounds wonderful and incredibly refreshing in this age of overly curated, overly stressed kids with no joy or social skills. Congratulations on raising a great kid! I'm sure she will thrive wherever she goes and I know this isn't helpful but there is no wrong answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter told you her choice. Can you imagine telling her, “wrong choice, you will be going to X school?”

If you did do that, would you be prepared for her resentment if she dislikes your choice next year?

I’d let my kid go with UVA (a very well respected school) and never bring up the other school again. If she keeps hearing the “what if?” , she may grow to resent you.

It’s time to listen to her. It’s her college education and experience.

I appreciate your thoughts but rest assured, I am listening to her.

Remember, she already rejected Northwestern, Berkeley, Michigan, etc. If I had my choice she would be going to one of these (I'm not going to share which one because I don't want the thread to derail). But I absolutely kept my mouth shut at that juncture and I'll do it again. It's just helpful to verbalize some thoughts to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He chose UMiami.

No one with a brain chooses Miami over better schools.

Not true.

[Anonymous]

In the past few years I’ve known people who chose the following, so yes it happens. Usually financial reasons but don’t discount following your child’s gut. Sounds like your child will be successful wherever they go. No doubt Ivies have the prestige advantage but good for her for not focusing on just prestige.

-UVA over Penn (OOS sports recruit, they could afford full pay but liked UVA better and scholarship)
-UVA (OOS) over Northwestern
-UMich over Penn (semi-local to Penn and wanted out of PA)
-Pitt over Penn (basically full scholarship to Pitt)
-Georgia Tech over 2 T20s, again scholarship
-UNC (OOS) over Harvard (sport scholarship)
-UMich (in-state) over CMU

[Anonymous]

I have a personal hang up on paying oos tuition for publics, but I’d have an extra hard time with Penn on the table. If my kid truly wouldn’t be happy then I’d get over it and support though. I don’t view them as being equal, but if a kid is going to be miserable than the prestige bump and opportunities wouldn’t be seized anyway.

[Anonymous]

Mine chose Williams over Yale. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter told you her choice. Can you imagine telling her, “wrong choice, you will be going to X school?”

If you did do that, would you be prepared for her resentment if she dislikes your choice next year?

I’d let my kid go with UVA (a very well respected school) and never bring up the other school again. If she keeps hearing the “what if?” , she may grow to resent you.

It’s time to listen to her. It’s her college education and experience.

+1 Her choice. UVA isn't going to hold her back from anything.

FWIW, my kid (not as much of an academic high achiever as OP's) turned down her highest ranked option to go to a mid-range LAC. It felt like a better fit to her and had a great program for her major. So, far, doing well and has had good summer internships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you mean by social/quality of life? My penn seas DD picked it because of social fit and ability to continue music and be an engineer. She just finished freshman year with a 3.91. The two other top-12 she got accepted to had a similar feel but Penn edged them out with arts and collaboration among engineering evident at admitted days. UVA is very Greek-forward, fewer club spots for freshmen than penn, arts are not easy to do as an engineeri and not at all the quality of life she wanted.

This made me laugh as my girl just finished her first year in engineering at UVA—including time-intensive participation in the arts. Of course Penn is more prestigious and harder to get into, but just a note.

[Anonymous]

DC chose Gettysburg (#55 Liberal Arts College) over Hamilton (#14).
Liked the atmosphere better and was given almost full tuition merit scholarship whereas Hamilton gave DC very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine anyone sending a child to Columbia in this current environment, so that wouldn't even be a consideration at my house. Penn, maybe.

But I would take UVA over Penn any day.

I'm not going to say that nothing is happening at Columbia because that would be lying and only Donald Trump is allowed to do that, but things at Columbia really are not as bad on a day to day basis as Trump, Fox News, and the rest of them want you to think. And I am a Jew who is frequently in the neighborhood of Columbia.

That being said, based on the description of the kid, I don't think it is the best fit. But not because of "this current environment."

OP here. Thanks! She's done her due diligence and talked to a number of current Columbia (and Barnard) students that are the children of our friends and friends-of-friends and they all report that most of what is in the press is overblown and hasn't impacted their lives at all (besides currently having to QR code in their guests...)
So she's not dissuaded by the Trump related unrest. More-so because it's hard to tell how great the community is or what the experience is really like. She LOVES NYC but apparently is really attracted to a classic campus, college town experience. She applied far and wide and most of her acceptances were more urban. UVA was one of only several classic college campus options she received that also has high academics.

As a parent it unnerves me a little though.I have read too many disparaging things on here (DCUM) about UVA. And give up a ~4% Ivy acceptance rate spot? (Penn, Columbia?) That gives me a little pause even though I never thought I really valued the Ivies or prestige. i have not said anything to her-This is hard but I and my spouse are keeping our thoughts to ourselves.

Well here you made it clear what you value… the acceptance rate. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In the past few years I’ve known people who chose the following, so yes it happens. Usually financial reasons but don’t discount following your child’s gut. Sounds like your child will be successful wherever they go. No doubt Ivies have the prestige advantage but good for her for not focusing on just prestige.

-UVA over Penn (OOS sports recruit, they could afford full pay but liked UVA better and scholarship)
-UVA (OOS) over Northwestern
-UMich over Penn (semi-local to Penn and wanted out of PA)
-Pitt over Penn (basically full scholarship to Pitt)
-Georgia Tech over 2 T20s, again scholarship
-UNC (OOS) over Harvard (sport scholarship)
-UMich (in-state) over CMU

I know (this year and full pay at all)

Michigan OOS over CMU
UVA over Vanderbilt and Chicago and Emory
UVA OOS over Michigan OOS