set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have posted as a woman putting aside the money for her parents. You would not have received many of these answers—and no one would have called you “daddy’s girl” or whatever. American culture is pretty critical of men caring for their parents because the nuclear family is prioritized above all else (women caring for their parents are not as harshly judged though). But you should tell her because building a marriage on lies is not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m a little confused why OP doesn’t want to tell his fiancé. Do you think she will react badly to this? It’s not really about whether or not she has control over the money (she doesn’t) and not whether or not she’s entitled to the money (she’s not), but more about why you think she wouldn’t understand this is something important to you to do. Tell her or not, it’s up to you with respect to your premarital assets, but your bigger problem is definitely once the money runs out, are you planning on giving them more money? At that point she will be your wife and you really do need to share what you do with your income, since it’s hers too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband did something like this AFTER they got married when he realized that she was spending for beyond his comfort level on her own parents (Asian), and he worried he wouldn't be able to take care of his parents or their kids, so he put everything he could in a trust. She was really hurt, but I understand his perspective, too.

The proper approach would be to discuss how to help BOTH sets of parents as you are adults and Married/in a committed relationship. Get your family finances on the same page, or it won't end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is not the WIFE.

They are engaged to be married. Hiding financial things is a recipe for disaster. I simply do not understand "they are not married YET" mentality. IMO once you are on the path to being a committed couple, you discuss finances and work things out like a grown up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

This. Asking your fiance or BF about their money (aside from discussions about future finances, debt, gambling addiction issues etc) sounds very golddigger-like.

But not asking your finacee about their money is insane. I would never enter into a binding financial partnership with someone and give them the power to bind me into joint liability for their debts without having a clear picture of the finances, including detailed and transparent discussions about assets, liabilities, values, and priorities around money. Before marriage, we exchanged credit reports, talked about insurance, and were already working toward shared financial goals like buying a house and starting college funds for our unborn children.

This is 1000% what you do if you want the relationship to work out long term.

[Anonymous]

Have you already had a detailed discussion of finances? Before you get married you need to talk about all of it - how much you have, what you make, how you would like to spend it, when you want to retire, if you are going to commingle assets, etc. You need to be on the same page before you get married. If you are really determined to set aside $1m for your parents, you should get it out of your assets before you get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money do you have? How much do you make? Why do they need $1m (that's a lot)? Do you have siblings? If you're going to do it, look into a trust.

It’s not a lot of money it’s less than 5 years of decent, full time care.

If that's not a lot of money to you, you should be working with a professional financial advisor and an attorney to work out arrangements for something like this and your prenup. Not trolling here.

+100

Be honest with your future spouse and then get it in writing.

[Anonymous]

Will you also give one million to your biological parents, her parents?

Once you start giving away money everyone will want some

[Anonymous]

I'm curious if the $1m is basically all of OP's net worth. What he's doing here is trying to protect his premarital assets, using his parents as an excuse, but really it's about protecting his premarital wealth, which is normal, but he's going about it in a roundabout and secretive way that most of us find, at best, to be immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should have posted as a woman putting aside the money for her parents. You would not have received many of these answers—and no one would have called you “daddy’s girl” or whatever. American culture is pretty critical of men caring for their parents because the nuclear family is prioritized above all else (women caring for their parents are not as harshly judged though). But you should tell her because building a marriage on lies is not a good idea.

I think the vast majority of responses are very supportive of his desire to care for his parents. It's the planned deception that's ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will you also give one million to your biological parents, her parents?

Once you start giving away money everyone will want some

Why would he do that? They are not even married yet..

[Anonymous]

As a legal matter, it is your money.

As a practical matter, she will view your money as her money also.

Do you honestly think that 1 mil sitting in a bank account is something that she will just forget about? She will most likely try to influence how you spend your money, which will ultimately lead to friction in the relationship.

Or maybe she won't treat it as her money, but the future is unknown and IMOH not a risk worth taking. Why not just stay single?