set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

[Anonymous]

Talk to a divorce lawyer for advice about how to setup your accounts with your pre-marriage money in a way that will make them untouchable in divorce. Probably also have your attorney prepare a prenuptial agreement to protect those pre-marital assets.

I found this video from a divorce lawyer informative and entertaining:

https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM?si=4m0TlOxOexdO6NVL

[Anonymous]

SUCH a bad sign that you would enter into a marry under these conditions . It means you can’t talk to her and don’t trust her.

See a lawyer to explore how to wall off the money legally (such as a prenup?). But I strongly suggest you hold off on the marriage until you are ready to actually be a transparent partner to another adult.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell her unless you want to potentially sabotage the relationship. She will likely not be happy about you giving away 1mil. If that's the case, listen to your gut and take a pass on this one.

[Anonymous]

The question is, do you have a duty to share information about your separate property with your spouse (or in OP's case, soon-to-be spouse)? I'm guessing OP's $1 million is most of OP's net worth, so OP is protecting premarital assets, which is normal for someone who has amassed that much money. Does OP have a duty to tell his intended about money that he is keeping separate if he can do it legally and before the marriage without needing or signoff? Maybe not, but she'll figure it out if they file taxes together, so it's not a secret that can be kept forever. I've found that getting in front of sensitive or complex topics is better in almost all cases. OP doesn't need to ask her permission, but I think OP would feel better if he explained himself. Also, OP, you may not want to put the money in an irrevocable trust; you might find that your priorities change if you have kids.

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband did something like this AFTER they got married when he realized that she was spending for beyond his comfort level on her own parents (Asian), and he worried he wouldn't be able to take care of his parents or their kids, so he put everything he could in a trust. She was really hurt, but I understand his perspective, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

This. Asking your fiance or BF about their money (aside from discussions about future finances, debt, gambling addiction issues etc) sounds very golddigger-like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is not the WIFE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

This. Asking your fiance or BF about their money (aside from discussions about future finances, debt, gambling addiction issues etc) sounds very golddigger-like.

But not asking your finacee about their money is insane. I would never enter into a binding financial partnership with someone and give them the power to bind me into joint liability for their debts without having a clear picture of the finances, including detailed and transparent discussions about assets, liabilities, values, and priorities around money. Before marriage, we exchanged credit reports, talked about insurance, and were already working toward shared financial goals like buying a house and starting college funds for our unborn children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

This. Asking your fiance or BF about their money (aside from discussions about future finances, debt, gambling addiction issues etc) sounds very golddigger-like.

But not asking your finacee about their money is insane. I would never enter into a binding financial partnership with someone and give them the power to bind me into joint liability for their debts without having a clear picture of the finances, including detailed and transparent discussions about assets, liabilities, values, and priorities around money. Before marriage, we exchanged credit reports, talked about insurance, and were already working toward shared financial goals like buying a house and starting college funds for our unborn children.

OP can do all that right after he's done 'firewalling' the $1M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is NOT his wife yet

This. Asking your fiance or BF about their money (aside from discussions about future finances, debt, gambling addiction issues etc) sounds very golddigger-like.

But not asking your finacee about their money is insane. I would never enter into a binding financial partnership with someone and give them the power to bind me into joint liability for their debts without having a clear picture of the finances, including detailed and transparent discussions about assets, liabilities, values, and priorities around money. Before marriage, we exchanged credit reports, talked about insurance, and were already working toward shared financial goals like buying a house and starting college funds for our unborn children.

OP can do all that right after he's done 'firewalling' the $1M.

I'm the PP, and I'm fine with that approach. I don't think consent is required, but full disclosure before marriage should be. As an aside, it doesn't look good that OP is doing this a few months before marriage, and it will most likely cause some tension due to poor timing, which is probably why OP sounds scared to have this discussion with his fiancee. You have to be able to have difficult conversations in a marriage, so I think OP should get to it before the wedding gets any closer.

[Anonymous]

I think OP did the right thing. The fiance might be ok with it today, but she might have issues with it ten years from now. You just don't know.

Let say I have 5M net worth with 500K/yr salary, and my fiance has 50K net worth and 75K/yr salary. Should I tell her about my net worth? People change over time with money, and even with an ironclad prenup, it is still costly in a divorce. The prenup is subjected to intepretation by a judge. If he decides to void it, I am screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP did the right thing. The fiance might be ok with it today, but she might have issues with it ten years from now. You just don't know.

Let say I have 5M net worth with 500K/yr salary, and my fiance has 50K net worth and 75K/yr salary. Should I tell her about my net worth? People change over time with money, and even with an ironclad prenup, it is still costly in a divorce. The prenup is subjected to intepretation by a judge. If he decides to void it, I am screwed.

You can't have an ironclad prenup if you don't tell your partner how much money you make or have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.

She is not the WIFE.

She's not the wife YET. I don't know what culture you belong to, but in the United States, generally when two people have agreed to marry, this interim period is a time for the two to figure out learn how to become a married couple, and definitely not a time to behave in a way that is against what married couples do, such as hiding important financial decisions from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP did the right thing. The fiance might be ok with it today, but she might have issues with it ten years from now. You just don't know.

Let say I have 5M net worth with 500K/yr salary, and my fiance has 50K net worth and 75K/yr salary. Should I tell her about my net worth? People change over time with money, and even with an ironclad prenup, it is still costly in a divorce. The prenup is subjected to intepretation by a judge. If he decides to void it, I am screwed.

You can't have an ironclad prenup if you don't tell your partner how much money you make or have.

Totally. Concealing assets is one of the few ways to invalidate a prenup. OP would be better off putting money in a trust and hoping for the best over a prenup that can be easily invalidated.