Do private high school alums marry earlier?

[Anonymous]

I posted about this on another chain and was flamed. It’s a thing. UMC getting married earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted about this on another chain and was flamed. It’s a thing. UMC getting married earlier.

I wrote somewhere that I hoped that my kids got married in their twenties and also got flamed. You would have thought that I wanted to give my daughter away as a teen bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?

Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.

Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.

You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.

Hmmmm. How many is the majority? Five girls from DD's NCS class? Ten? Twenty? Even so, that is a far cry from the 40+ who would need to be married by age 25 to make up most of the class as marrying young. I stand by the trend that most NCS girls are waiting until their late 20s to get married.

Looking at the NCS classes of 2016 and 2017, ~ age 25: Most are engaged or married, skewing towards the wealthiest i.e. most desirable. This is very early compared to the alleged national average of ~ age 30 (f) for first marriage.

I have a NCS (LS) girl and find this interesting. It would be a deviation from their parents who all seemed to be “older” parents as compared to those in my community. Unless they’re getting married earlier and delaying children? Seems odd to me. I wouldn’t want my daughter getting married earlier than late 20s.

Being an old parent isn't cool anymore.

+1. But I’d argue it was never cool, it was just sort of normalized, especially in New York and DC. Now getting married and pregnant in your 20s is being normalized by social media. The pressure to grow up and check that box is real.

It was never cool. I think you’re mischaracterizing what happened and how it was perceived. It just is. I don’t know any man or woman who said, “I’d like to wait until my 40s to get married and have children as my fertility is declining.” It just happened that way. Being a young, immature parent whose marriage ends in divorce isn’t cool either but it happens.

+1 It's not like people were turning down marriage proposals left and right. When you have student debt and you are climbing that ladder to reach a level your parents didn't, your social life suffers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?

Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.

Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.

You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.

Hmmmm. How many is the majority? Five girls from DD's NCS class? Ten? Twenty? Even so, that is a far cry from the 40+ who would need to be married by age 25 to make up most of the class as marrying young. I stand by the trend that most NCS girls are waiting until their late 20s to get married.

Looking at the NCS classes of 2016 and 2017, ~ age 25: Most are engaged or married, skewing towards the wealthiest i.e. most desirable. This is very early compared to the alleged national average of ~ age 30 (f) for first marriage.

I have a NCS (LS) girl and find this interesting. It would be a deviation from their parents who all seemed to be “older” parents as compared to those in my community. Unless they’re getting married earlier and delaying children? Seems odd to me. I wouldn’t want my daughter getting married earlier than late 20s.

Being an old parent isn't cool anymore.

+1. But I’d argue it was never cool, it was just sort of normalized, especially in New York and DC. Now getting married and pregnant in your 20s is being normalized by social media. The pressure to grow up and check that box is real.

It was never cool. I think you’re mischaracterizing what happened and how it was perceived. It just is. I don’t know any man or woman who said, “I’d like to wait until my 40s to get married and have children as my fertility is declining.” It just happened that way. Being a young, immature parent whose marriage ends in divorce isn’t cool either but it happens.

+1 It's not like people were turning down marriage proposals left and right. When you have student debt and you are climbing that ladder to reach a level your parents didn't, your social life suffers.

Disagree. Maybe cool is the wrong word, but there seem to be a lot of people who are wholly convinced that everyone under the age of 35 is immature, uneducated, poor, and incapable of making a good mate choice. Maybe I'm just sensing a posturing to hide their insecurity? Or lack of success in making it work earlier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted about this on another chain and was flamed. It’s a thing. UMC getting married earlier.

I wrote somewhere that I hoped that my kids got married in their twenties and also got flamed. You would have thought that I wanted to give my daughter away as a teen bride.

the hubris of the old parent movement is truly astonishing to me. It's like a winning a weird game of Russian roulette. The win is not worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted about this on another chain and was flamed. It’s a thing. UMC getting married earlier.

I wrote somewhere that I hoped that my kids got married in their twenties and also got flamed. You would have thought that I wanted to give my daughter away as a teen bride.

the hubris of the old parent movement is truly astonishing to me. It's like a winning a weird game of Russian roulette. The win is not worth the risk.

What are you trying to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted about this on another chain and was flamed. It’s a thing. UMC getting married earlier.

I wrote somewhere that I hoped that my kids got married in their twenties and also got flamed. You would have thought that I wanted to give my daughter away as a teen bride.

the hubris of the old parent movement is truly astonishing to me. It's like a winning a weird game of Russian roulette. The win is not worth the risk.

What are you trying to say?

The hubris is the arrogance that you don't have to play by the rules of human biology. You are taking an extreme risk (hence the Russian Roulette reference) in assuming that you will be able to get pregnant whenever it is convenient for you and THEN ALSO not die when your kids are still in their teens/early 20s. Even if you win, and get a perfect outcome on all accounts, why are you even taking the risk to begin with when you don't have to?