I don't necessarily see toxicity going on in OP's situation, just a tendency for involvement to feed on itself. People looking for help, particularly specialized help, are going to start by asking themselves who they know who might be willing and able to do the job. And if someone is available who is already trusted, the match is often more likely. In my reading, OP's DCs do have opportunities to become better appreciated and more plugged into their pool community, but they will probably have to start in ways and places that were not on their first-preference list in order to build the relationships they need. That's not necessarily toxic or even cliquish. I can look at our team's tweens and guess which ones are going to be pre-team coaches in a few years. They're not necessarily fast club swimmers, either: they are the ones who are always happy to lend a hand, whose attitude is friendly and supportive, and whose time commitment is visible. And if I want my DCs to be considered in that group, I know that they need to show some altruism ahead of time, and I also know that I can ask our reps how they can help demonstrate their interest. |
This sounds like our pool. There is an interview process for the junior and assistant coaches and they are paid positions. Having active parents is partly a chicken and egg thing. Parents get involved in swim because their kids are very involved in swim. Hiring decisions are made by a panel, not just by the team rep at our pool. OP, you've gotten good advice. Have your kids volunteer to run the socials, or see if the coach needs help corralling the younger kids in the team area at B meets. These are ways to start getting involved even if it isn't actually coaching. |
So you're saying your teens are not allowed to do any kind of volunteering at all, is that right? |
It’s not that they aren’t allowed. It’s just that it’s going to be harder to get involved in any structured way where they will know exactly how and when to contribute, and for my ND brain, that is hard to navigate. One of my swimmers has said they are willing to help in any way, but may need some help getting started. For my other swimmer who really truly wants to coach (not just limited to summer team) it is harder, especially since their friends are all coaching and they just aren’t sure where they fit in. |
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Your situation sounds extremely close to a parent at out pool, so if this is you....
Coaches: We had an unprecedented number of kids apply to what was truly only one open slot. In any other year, all of the kids that applied would have been hired, but that's just not possible when we had >15 applicants and only have 5 spots total. We even created 3 additional positions but still had to turn some away. Volunteers: We offered the 'coveted' volunteer slots to those that were turned away first. After that, it was offered to anyone that volunteered the previous year. My suggestions - most of our interview questions focus on team spirit, sportsmanship and involvement. Have your older kid focus on these so that they have examples to share next year. They should be going to as many events as possible; meets, pep rallies, other misc. social events. At pep rallies, they should be dressed to theme and cheering loudly/involved in whatever silly game. Meets they should be poolside cheering, or hanging with younger kids helping out. ALSO - make sure they are the one taking the lead on applying, interviews, etc. They start with a "demerit" if it seems the parent is pushing them into it, emailing info, signing up for interviews, etc. For the younger - have her (not you) talk to the coach and team reps. We always have to much to do and not enough time, so we are happy to take on willing help. Sorry so long, but wanted to be thorough.... |
If you have two kids and are only volunteering at A meets, you aren't even doing the minimum required volunteer slots. There are PLENTY of opportunities to help out either at B meets or behind the scenes. Not all jobs are team rep level. Have you offered to take any of these on? |
| Our country club doesn’t have volunteer coaches / they’re all paid, and they are still looking. Where are you located? Just have them go to a country club and they’ll get paid for coaching and can pick up as many swim lessons as they’re up for coaching. The pay is good, and the families and head coaches are awesome, so it’s a fun atmosphere |
So bring your anything-goes teen to help set up, clean up, cheer, coordinate, and work food service for every home B meet. Have your wants-to-coach kid help set up the lanes and flags for practice on a regular basis, observe practices, fetch kickboards, line up the tiny kids and keep them quiet while they're waiting to get in. Have them state exactly what days they will be available for this, and make it frequent. No one is going to turn away willing, cheerful, generous hands, but no one is going to make a thank-you schedule, either. |