Feelings about house when you bought it vs. reality

[Anonymous]

We bought two houses that I wasn't in love with. The first was our starter house and the market was moving so fast that we pounced before (had to - two other offers came in) before we really had a chance to think it through.

The second was sitting on the market, and we didn't love, love it, but kept coming back to it because we needed to move before kid hit kinder and we were not finding anything else. So we sort of settled even though I didn't love it.

Neither house grew on me. The things I didn't like got more annoying over time.

Third time - we built a custom home. I absolutely love this house. Finally!

[Anonymous]

I'm glad we waited to find/afford a house we really wanted to be in. I loved living downtown and loved the condo building and neighborhood we were in, but dh wanted more space so I agreed to take the leap as long as it overall felt like an upgrade.

He was getting impatient with me that I kept vetoing so many houses that he thought sounded ok (weird layout, ugly view/houses out the windows, too far from transit, etc), but he ended up being so happy that we held out because we found a perfect-for-us place. It was a decent price, beautiful setting, nice neighborhood, still around a bunch of amenities and public transportation, great neighbors, and the houses around it are also pretty.

For as much as I loved where we lived, it really has been an amazing move. I'm glad we waited to get our perfect-for-us house, and I also fully recognize that we were lucky to be able to buy at all. But because really any house is so expensive, I didn't want to have to pay that much money for something I didn't love.

Whatever your particular needs/metrics are, I vote with holding out for something that you will be glad you bought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve bought and sold multiple houses. I wish I would’ve understood better that the inspector isn’t necessarily on your side or there to protect your interests. They’re there to close the deal.

Yes, do not pick an inspector recommended by your real estate agent. Get an independent one, that will be honest with you.

Oh gosh our inspector became OBSESSED that the ice light on the fridge wasn't working - and somehow missed that our HVAC ducts were full of mold, and our sewer line was literally made of coated paper.

That said I love our house much more than I expected to. We've been here eight years now and every day I am grateful that we bought this house when we bought it. It's a one-story rancher on a busy street that had been sitting for a year - we didn't even want to look at it but our real estate agent talked us into it. And it just works for us. It has beautiful flow. It's got all these little nooks and crannies to stick a reading chair or a little table. It's got light and privacy. I really just love it. And I say that even though our first few years in the house, each had an expensive surprise - and it's not like I imagine those surprises are over.

All sorts of things I would change if we had the money - the kitchen is tiny; I'd murder for a screened in porch; the ceiling in our den desperately needs replacing. But I love this house. Even when we do our whole fantasizing about winning the lottery thing, I don't imagine selling this place - I imagine adding a screened porch.

Good luck with your house search, OP!

[Anonymous]

My house felt like a palace to me when I bought it: 2400 sq ft burb house, coming from an absolute shithole old ugly city house that was crumbling down. I still like my house a lot but I can see all the flaws and stuff that could be redone. I will say in retrospect I might have looked in same neighborhood longer, spent a little more for a pool + newer redone bathrooms, but at the time (and still now) there was little inventory so we jumped on it. And of course now we'd have to pay double what we did!

[Anonymous]

We prioritized things that you cannot change, like location and the view/scenery. The thinking is that house can be changed, things inside and out fixed, neighborhood and your view is out of your control.

This is my advice if you had only lived in apartment/TH or other low maintenance and smaller SQ. FT. spaces together as a married couple. Something we found out.
Outdoor spaces are a PITA to maintain unless you outsource. Calculate costs of outsourcing most of your outdoor cleaning, maintenance, lawn care or you may be fighting over it. If your indoor area is much larger than your apartment consider budget for the cleaning lady or make sure you are clear on responsibilities and have the same expectations before hand. Main thing is discuss beforehand and figure out who of you is a DYIer and who is more into outsourcing and not spending free time after your paid job-work doing more household related work and fixing stuff yourself . If you aren't on the same page you will be fighting. And it's not always about money. Even if you have funds to hire ppl to help your spouse may be dead against it or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve bought and sold multiple houses. I wish I would’ve understood better that the inspector isn’t necessarily on your side or there to protect your interests. They’re there to close the deal.

Yes, do not pick an inspector recommended by your real estate agent. Get an independent one, that will be honest with you.

Oh gosh our inspector became OBSESSED that the ice light on the fridge wasn't working - and somehow missed that our HVAC ducts were full of mold, and our sewer line was literally made of coated paper.

That said I love our house much more than I expected to. We've been here eight years now and every day I am grateful that we bought this house when we bought it. It's a one-story rancher on a busy street that had been sitting for a year - we didn't even want to look at it but our real estate agent talked us into it. And it just works for us. It has beautiful flow. It's got all these little nooks and crannies to stick a reading chair or a little table. It's got light and privacy. I really just love it. And I say that even though our first few years in the house, each had an expensive surprise - and it's not like I imagine those surprises are over.

All sorts of things I would change if we had the money - the kitchen is tiny; I'd murder for a screened in porch; the ceiling in our den desperately needs replacing. But I love this house. Even when we do our whole fantasizing about winning the lottery thing, I don't imagine selling this place - I imagine adding a screened porch.

Good luck with your house search, OP!

That sounds lovely. I love little nooks to create a reading spot or other little vignette. You can really have fun with decorating those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We prioritized things that you cannot change, like location and the view/scenery. The thinking is that house can be changed, things inside and out fixed, neighborhood and your view is out of your control.

This is my advice if you had only lived in apartment/TH or other low maintenance and smaller SQ. FT. spaces together as a married couple. Something we found out.
Outdoor spaces are a PITA to maintain unless you outsource. Calculate costs of outsourcing most of your outdoor cleaning, maintenance, lawn care or you may be fighting over it. If your indoor area is much larger than your apartment consider budget for the cleaning lady or make sure you are clear on responsibilities and have the same expectations before hand. Main thing is discuss beforehand and figure out who of you is a DYIer and who is more into outsourcing and not spending free time after your paid job-work doing more household related work and fixing stuff yourself . If you aren't on the same page you will be fighting. And it's not always about money. Even if you have funds to hire ppl to help your spouse may be dead against it or vice versa.

This is really good advice. It's one of the reasons we bought a smaller second home in a prime location instead of a larger one further from the beach. It's much less expensive for cleaners, utilities, painters, furnishings etc. It's easier to get a cleaner because they knew they could squeeze it in because it wouldn't take long to clean. Plus it was less expensive because the home is small. I knew I didn't want to do housework when we're there, so we wanted to make sure that outsourcing would be affordable.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t love our current house when we bought it and I still feel the same way 10 years later. I don’t like the location in our neighborhood, my next door neighbors strange, the things that bother me about the house really can’t be solved without a ton of money that I don’t want to spend but my kids have like the schools so we have stayed. We will move when they go to college. But it has appreciated a lot so that is the positive

[Anonymous]

Don’t overthink it. Enjoy it until you don’t. Then you move.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's expensive and work to own a house.

However, will say, as someone who has owned, currently in a rental, waiting to move into our newly purchased house (buyer has rent back)...

...I absolutely love being able to make a space my own with my own house. Living in a rental and dealing with someone else's choices drives me bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We prioritized things that you cannot change, like location and the view/scenery. The thinking is that house can be changed, things inside and out fixed, neighborhood and your view is out of your control.

This is my advice if you had only lived in apartment/TH or other low maintenance and smaller SQ. FT. spaces together as a married couple. Something we found out.
Outdoor spaces are a PITA to maintain unless you outsource. Calculate costs of outsourcing most of your outdoor cleaning, maintenance, lawn care or you may be fighting over it. If your indoor area is much larger than your apartment consider budget for the cleaning lady or make sure you are clear on responsibilities and have the same expectations before hand. Main thing is discuss beforehand and figure out who of you is a DYIer and who is more into outsourcing and not spending free time after your paid job-work doing more household related work and fixing stuff yourself . If you aren't on the same page you will be fighting. And it's not always about money. Even if you have funds to hire ppl to help your spouse may be dead against it or vice versa.

... and if you end up thinking you are ok with DIY stuff, make reallllly sure that you're ok with the person doing the DIY stuff. My FIL loves to DIY and is always wanting to help us do this or that project. He is also not a detail oriented person and has specific beliefs about what "looks good," or how things are supposed to look which are different from my own beliefs about what "looks good".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t overthink it. Enjoy it until you don’t. Then you move.

+1. As a corollary, move when you have an issue and not because you might have an issue later on.

We bought a small starter house because we anticipated outgrowing our condo ... except the starter house wasn't that much bigger and we ended up moving again a few years later anyway. That was silly. I wish we'd gone straight from condo to our current place, which I love. (We made money on the sale because DC real estate is ridiculous, but not enough to make up for the hassle.)

[Anonymous]

Most importantly - know yourself and what is most important to you, and what you can compromise on.

For me location, enough bathrooms (in the right places), and a minimum level of light and amount of storage have been the most important. I've compromised on a lot of other nice to have things. Every time I've bought I've been really happy after getting settled in. There are still some small annoyances, but even the things I knew would be annoying are actually not as annoying as I thought they would be.

Also, agree with other posters that being thoughtful and intentional with your furnishings (and other things in your house) can also be really helpful. Decluttering can go a long way to making spaces feel nicer/more livable and also functional furniture that you like.

And, even if you buy a brand new house, maintenance and repairs will be more than you think they will be!

[Anonymous]

I love our lot and our square footage and the overall “bones” of the house. Like PP’s have mentioned though, DH and I did not do a good job of communicating our expectations on home updates. We were young and naive. I assumed we would update as things aged and we could afford to. He doesn’t want to replace anything that still functions at all. As in, we have original 1992 bathrooms that we can still bathe and poop in, so to him, they are fine. We have more than enough to do the updates in cash but he just has zero interest. He’s a good egg overall but we are just mismatched here and didn’t really discuss it in advance. I won’t buy another house that needs any work unless the work is done before we move in.

[Anonymous]

We looked for 2 or 3 YEARS (before the market went nuts) and the last house we saw, was essentially the last one left for us to see. It had been on the market for a loooong time, and per the pictures, 100% not our style. DH didn't even come to see it with me. When I walked in, I was mortified. The house was impeccably well decorated, but it was very old/heavy/dark feeling.

Then I noticed that the house had really good flow. It was well made, not cookie cutter, custom everything, high end finishes (and when they said high end finishes throughout, they meant it; even the bathrooms and closets had very nice touches). The kitchen/Eat-in/Family Room area sold it for me. There was enough seating there that we could host 30 people and not worry about space. The things I hated about it could be fixed with paint and changing out fixtures.

Many years later, it has been perfect. We host lots of people. We're the hang out house for DD. The yard is massive and I can putter around and do all the gardening my heart desires. Friends that visit often comment about how nice and peaceful it is, and how refreshing it feels. Obviously, this was a really good decision on our part.