How do you raise winners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids who are all doing extremely well. I gave up my career to stay home with them.

DH and I are both ivy educated. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. My kids are also good at almost everything.

DH earns a lot so I have all the money and time to enrich them. It probably helps that they are naturally smart, athletic and attractive.

I would love to hear what types of activities, sports and enrichment you’ve tried with them if you wouldn’t mind sharing!

[Anonymous]

Well, I for sure wouldn't use the word winners and examine the attitude but we likely have different definitions of the word winner

[Anonymous]

Everytime I think I might want to move to DC again I see something like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours get it from their birthright and the exceptional winner example they see in their parents. Helps to be kids of the best.

Harry, Meghan, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them fail.

This is the single best piece of advice on this thread. I'm thankful to my parents for not bailing me out when I screwed up in elementary and early middle school. Once I got to 7th grade I was a straight-A student because I learned from facing the consequences at a time when they weren't costly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you raise children that can set, meet goals and succeed in what they want?

By modeling those skills yourself. Your kids learn by watching you.

Many exceptionally privileged people who I know who have successful parents are not exceptional and have struggled with mental health and substance abuse, and even if they seem to have things together (decent job, spouse, kids, lux lifestyle, $2M home) a lot of that is due to the fact that their parents were able to throw money at problems to make those problems go away and then finance their lives as adults.

So many privileged kits lack grit and drive. And maybe some of that is seeing how much their parents sacrificed to get to where they are and deciding they don’t want that life.

I think this is what OP is asking about. When you're kids grow up in a wealthy home, the privilege just comes to them. They don't learn the self-motivated grit that made their parents' successful. How do you teach that, when the kids are cocooned in privilege?

I think that’s just a common myth. Plenty of poor kids have so much trauma that no amount of “grit” can overcome. Many wealthy kids grow up to be highly motivated. This is not about wealth.

[Anonymous]

No family is perfect
There is no magical parenting

Education is key
Public school education or secular not religious

Laughter
Kindness
Patience
Teach them about the world not their little bubbles
Music any kind

You can not make a kid a hard worker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours get it from their birthright and the exceptional winner example they see in their parents. Helps to be kids of the best.

I don’t think this is true. Many times kids of very successful and motivated parents turn out to be entitled duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You make achievements important. You prioritize education, sports, whatever they are showing interest in and help facilitate them working toward success and improvement.

It isn’t about winning everything or being the best, it’s the work and the process. It’s being motivated to work.

One of the biggest problems with “kids these days” is apathy. They just DGAF- a large number anyway.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids who are all doing extremely well. I gave up my career to stay home with them.

DH and I are both ivy educated. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. My kids are also good at almost everything.

DH earns a lot so I have all the money and time to enrich them. It probably helps that they are naturally smart, athletic and attractive.

I would love to hear what types of activities, sports and enrichment you’ve tried with them if you wouldn’t mind sharing!

I let my kids try everything they want and also encourage them to do activities we enjoy. Between my three kids, they have done almost everything - golf, tennis, swim team, volleyball, dance, gymnastics, ice skating, basketball, baseball, track, art, science competitions, piano, violin, band, scouts, theater, debate, chess, robotics, fishing, sailing, skiing and I’m sure I’m missing some. The key is to be supportive.

My kids have grit. I always tell them not to give up and they gain confidence after trying. All three of my kids get up after being knocked down. The one thing I think I have done right is I always tried to make negative experiences into learning experiences.

More than winning, I’m most proud that my kids are good kids. Not necessarily related to whether a mom works or not, many kids lack basic manners. Kindness and empathy are often non existent. We live in an affluent neighborhood and I have kids in both public and private schools. Having high grades and excelling in sports and activities is only part of raising kids. I truly believe it is the parents’ behavior that shapes the kids the most.

[Anonymous]

Start them on ADHD medicine and/or anti-depressants at the first sign of a problem.

Two of our kids had some miserable teen years and did not become high achievers because we wasted time doing all the other things instead of using effective pharmaceuticals from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are naturally gifted. When the kids are supported, the kids can grow their talent.

I often see kids being pushed in areas where the kid does not enjoy nor excels. This just seems to cause stress for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start them on ADHD medicine and/or anti-depressants at the first sign of a problem.

Two of our kids had some miserable teen years and did not become high achievers because we wasted time doing all the other things instead of using effective pharmaceuticals from the beginning.

Parent of the year.

[Anonymous]

I think two things are very helpful: playing a lot of games with the family (and losing), and having chores assigned to you (and learning the value of hard work).

I grew up with a housekeeper, but she wasn't allowed to clean my room or bathroom. My mom said I needed to learn how.

I have one kid who is a perfectionist. Playing games consistently as a family has helped him immensely. He realizes that it's okay to lose sometimes and it doesn't mean he's a failure at life. He congratulates the winner. And he doesn't gloat when he wins either.

[Anonymous]

You can succeed by taking advantage of the blind spots of the privileged that don't consider you a threat but learn after the fact that you were.