Sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It’s funny how cultural this is, hardly anyone I know in our elementary school does sleepovers for safety reasons. I figured that was the norm everywhere.

+1 our children’s school has a big east-Asian population and no one does sleepovers. Maybe twice someone has asked but we just don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

A lot of times once middle and high school hits, the friend pool widens by a lot. You may not know other parents at all, or superficially. So will then say you can only go to sleepovers with Larla bc I’ve known her parents for a decade and I trust them but no new friends? Or my son can have sleepovers bc his friends are all straight but my daughter can’t because some of her friends are bi? Personally, I just find it more fair to say no sleepovers in middle school/high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

Parents who think their child gets an out for maintaining straight a’s should go straight to jail. Your kid is the problem, PP, and they’re the people who will eventually drink and drive, overdose on fentanyl, and abuse some girl. Homeschool, do what you need to quit exposing him/her to kids whose parents want to raise actual good humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

Parents who think their child gets an out for maintaining straight a’s should go straight to jail. Your kid is the problem, PP, and they’re the people who will eventually drink and drive, overdose on fentanyl, and abuse some girl. Homeschool, do what you need to quit exposing him/her to kids whose parents want to raise actual good humans.

[Anonymous]

My high school is at a sleepover right now! They hang out, play ping pong, watch movies, talk and go to sleep. It’s not Caligula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

Parents who think their child gets an out for maintaining straight a’s should go straight to jail. Your kid is the problem, PP, and they’re the people who will eventually drink and drive, overdose on fentanyl, and abuse some girl. Homeschool, do what you need to quit exposing him/her to kids whose parents want to raise actual good humans.

Not sure even where to begin on this one. My basic point is that my default is not to mistrust my kids. I've seen kids that have problems and they can't hide it for long. So, the idea that I am a bad parent (gullible! naive! living under a rock!) simply because I am going to trust my own eyes with my own kid until there is some red flag is one I reject. Spend a little time googling authoritarian parenting, and you will quickly discover that the research supports a different conclusion than the one you've reached. That is, it is the kids of the authoritarian parents who lie, rebel, drink and drive, overdose, and have mental health issues. On the other side of the spectrum, there are risks of being too permissive as well but being somewhere in the middle -- trusting what you see and establishing rules when you need them but not before then -- is the sweet spot. In my 15-year-old's friend circle, there is the occasional bad idea and my kid has been the one to shut it down. So, no, I'm not the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.

But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment.

We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing

+100. The landscape has changed, parenting needs to as well.

I don’t know if the landscape has changed that much, but I watched p*rn for the first time at a sleepover (and almost each subsequent one) beginning second grade. There was virtually zero parental oversight past 10 pm which is incidentally the time at which sexual content streams everywhere in media.

The parents stating this is the exception rather than the norm would be shocked to read any therapist’s private notes. I’d go so far as to saying a plurality of adults in regular therapy are unload trauma from childhood sleepovers. If you think that’s funny, you are living under a rock.

I think some of the posters are picturing something very different than what is going on at least in my house. These are kids and families I know very well, and I've never had a hint of an issue when they stay over. It's quite unlikely they are leading some crazy double life without someone getting wind of it. Last time they were here, they stayed up until 2 watching Captain Underpants and eating junk food. Horrors. If they are watching porn on their phones, sleepovers are not the gateway drug to that, puberty is. I can't imagining having so little trust for my kids. If they're managing to watch porn, do a bunch of sexual experimentation, and who knows what else while still maintaining activities and straight A/Bs, they deserve a medal.

Parents who think their child gets an out for maintaining straight a’s should go straight to jail. Your kid is the problem, PP, and they’re the people who will eventually drink and drive, overdose on fentanyl, and abuse some girl. Homeschool, do what you need to quit exposing him/her to kids whose parents want to raise actual good humans.

Not sure even where to begin on this one. My basic point is that my default is not to mistrust my kids. I've seen kids that have problems and they can't hide it for long. So, the idea that I am a bad parent (gullible! naive! living under a rock!) simply because I am going to trust my own eyes with my own kid until there is some red flag is one I reject. Spend a little time googling authoritarian parenting, and you will quickly discover that the research supports a different conclusion than the one you've reached. That is, it is the kids of the authoritarian parents who lie, rebel, drink and drive, overdose, and have mental health issues. On the other side of the spectrum, there are risks of being too permissive as well but being somewhere in the middle -- trusting what you see and establishing rules when you need them but not before then -- is the sweet spot. In my 15-year-old's friend circle, there is the occasional bad idea and my kid has been the one to shut it down. So, no, I'm not the problem.

Narrator: she was, in fact, the problem.

[Anonymous]

I always assumed the biggest issue with sleepovers is the chance of someone wetting the bed. People here are paranoid.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t allow sleepovers, do you also not allow sleep away camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t allow sleepovers, do you also not allow sleep away camp?

The sleep away camps that I know of don’t allow phones/electronics, so there’s a little less chance of watching inappropriate things. Of course other things could still happen. A neighbor’s kid came back from a sleep away camp talking about sexually explicit things, so I’m sure kids talk about all kinds of stuff there, but probably nothing they wouldn’t already talk about with friends at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t allow sleepovers, do you also not allow sleep away camp?

Yes, my kids go for several weeks to sleepaway camp. No phones, no computers, counselors/adults in cabins, strict lights out. I work at camp too. I find them completely safe.