Sleepovers
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Anonymous
Nah. Not that. A friend’s DD was pressured into sex by an older girl during an all-girl sleepover. That is a problem. |
Anonymous
Or maybe if you had them more frequently, they'd be less special, and your kid would actually sleep. Just one idea (I realize not a guarantee). But the scarcity mindset can make people go nuts when presented with the opportunity. |
Anonymous
| "When I was a kid" sleepovers could happen any time for any reason. But my parents were like OP and resented it, and often insisted that I either not do the sleep over or come home by 9am in order to do chores or go to church. I hated it because half the fun of a sleepover was getting to hang out in the morning. Also my parents almost never let me have sleepovers. |
Anonymous
What?! If a teenage boy wants to watch porn, he does not need to go to a sleepover to do so. |
Anonymous
If you don’t understand the concept of enablement there is truly no hope for your children. I feel very sorry for them. |
Anonymous
| We decline all sleepovers. No thanks. |
Anonymous
| My kids (teen and tween boys) have sleepovers almost every weekend, usually at our house. It's basically the same crew every time. I know all the parents well. They eat a bunch of crappy food, watch movies, play a lot of games (e.g., pitch dark hide and seek), and stay up way too late. We have lots of security at our house so it would be tough for them to do anything significant without our awareness. It's quite normal, and I would much rather they be doing this than the alternatives that might occur to them. I know they are safe under my roof, or the roof of someone I trust. |
Anonymous
For your kids sakes I hope that doesn't lead to them being left out of parties and play dates and general friendships. |
Anonymous
DP but no sleepovers is the standard in our wealthy public school. It’s full of adults who are very proactive in setting safety standards. If someone tried to host a sleepover they’d be the oddball. |
Anonymous
I'm the poster that hosts all the time. It's interesting how different neighborhoods end up in different places on this. We have a friendly, tight-knit middle class neighborhood where sleepovers are quite common. There are some parents who opt out, some who were initially nervous and now are fine with it, and some who are all it. I don't think that affects those kids socially; they just socialize in other ways. The parents who are fine with it are generally more laid back but I don't think there is a stigma for the kids or the parents in either direction. |
Anonymous
We don’t allow sleepovers except for one cousin for my 9 year old. But it hasn’t hindered her social life. She’s invited to all parties (small group and large groups) and has many friends we make plans with occasionally. As a PP mentioned, it might just be the nature of the community you’re in. I don’t think ours is big on sleepovers in general. |
Anonymous
Uh, wow. Congrats? |
Anonymous
| Yes same for us too with almost 11 year old twins. It’s like play dates or hanging out are not enough anymore and they always want a sleepover. We limit it some because they are usually tired the next day, but we let them do some |
Anonymous
| One of the things I actually like about sleepovers is the competition to stay up late. I think it gives them a relatively harmless way to vent that natural need to feel like they are breaking a rule. My DH remembers this fondly from his childhood. I have noticed that once they prove their valor on this point, they often don't care as much about how late they stay up. My 15-year-old's crew now lasts until about 2 AM whereas the 12-year-old's crew still takes pride in pushing it later. |
Anonymous
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I went to sleepovers all the time my entire childhood through high school. We didn’t have phones, internet, and were limited to whatever basic cable or VHS tapes provided for entertainment.
But today’s landscape is so different. Kids have cell phones, internet access, endless steaming of every type of content on smart TV. I don’t know what other families are enforcing regarding electronics and content. Plus not (especially with girls) gender and sexuality cannot be assumed. Lots of kids are claiming to be gay/bi/trans by middle school. There has definitely been instances I am aware of through friends of middle/high school girls pressuring other girls to sexually experiment. We stopped sleepovers in middle school. You can’t take back the mental impact of a sexual experience that happens before you are ready and with the same gender you thought was your friend when maybe that isn’t how you feel but you didn’t have the tools to say no. It can be traumatic and confusing |