Kids Have No Interest In UMC Activities

[Anonymous]

^^Agree the UMC thing seems a little troll-ish. But it's still been interesting reading people's reactions.

I grew up LMC and spending money on activities/hobbies was not a priority for my parents. Wasn't until I was in college that I started doing fun things. I went skiing, horseback riding, played tennis because my friends were doing those things. I learned to keep up, but am still a little resentful as an adult that I was not given the opportunity to develop a talent or hobby that I could excel in - I still believe piano lessons/music would have been a lifelong passion for me.

Fast forward to having a kid of my own: We (barely MC) spent a lot of money on activities in early ES/MS: baseball, soccer, swimming, viola lessons, piano lessons, art camps, sleepaway outdoor adventures camps - and none of them stuck through HS. He basically started from scratch in 9th grade with a new sport and some clubs and - who would've guessed, does math in his spare time.

I'm glad those early years of trying things out at least inspired him to use his free time wisely (and yes there are video games with friends but it's not all-consuming.) In my case, my teen years were spent going to parties, getting high and making out with boys in cars.

If you don't encourage kids to do something useful, they will find a way to fill that void when they are teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm reminded that a friend told me her kid complained constantly about tennis lessons until he got to high school and wanted to be on a varsity sport. Only then was he grateful.

That was me.  I grew up poor in China and dreamed about golf, tennis, music instruments but they were just dreams.  When I got to UNC Chapel Hill, I used my stipend money to purchase a used guitar and started learning the Beatles and Pink Floyd.  I caught the eye of a pretty white female student on campus, who is now my wife, got married and it allowed me to stay in the United States.  We have two boys and one girl and I made them take tennis, golf and music lessons (piano and guitar) at the age of five until they finished high school, no exception.  Both my sons and daughter fought with me like cat and dog until they entered high school.  Both boys were on the golf varsity team in the fall and varsity tennis in the spring while my daughter played on the girl varsity tennis team.  My boys won the tennis double 6A and team championship in their freshmen and junior year while my daughter won the state championship at her private school three years in a row.  They were very grateful that I did not let them quit golf, tennis and music.  Both boys graduated from UVA and daughter from UNC CH and they are doing extremely well financially.  The boys told me that they play golf with the company CEO and CFO at least once a month and that they get promoted quickly because of who they know. To OP, do not give up on your kid(s), you have to force them to do it. They might hate you now but when they enter high school, they will be very grateful to you. The ability to play music and being on the varsity team will get them girls.

Btw, if you have Asian friends, you will very likely see a piano, violin, viola, or Cello in their house.  That's just the way it is.

Was it really necessary to point out that you married a white woman?
Congrats, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Agree the UMC thing seems a little troll-ish. But it's still been interesting reading people's reactions.

I grew up LMC and spending money on activities/hobbies was not a priority for my parents. Wasn't until I was in college that I started doing fun things. I went skiing, horseback riding, played tennis because my friends were doing those things. I learned to keep up, but am still a little resentful as an adult that I was not given the opportunity to develop a talent or hobby that I could excel in - I still believe piano lessons/music would have been a lifelong passion for me.

Fast forward to having a kid of my own: We (barely MC) spent a lot of money on activities in early ES/MS: baseball, soccer, swimming, viola lessons, piano lessons, art camps, sleepaway outdoor adventures camps - and none of them stuck through HS. He basically started from scratch in 9th grade with a new sport and some clubs and - who would've guessed, does math in his spare time.

I'm glad those early years of trying things out at least inspired him to use his free time wisely (and yes there are video games with friends but it's not all-consuming.) In my case, my teen years were spent going to parties, getting high and making out with boys in cars.

If you don't encourage kids to do something useful, they will find a way to fill that void when they are teens.

If you do all those things you are not middle class.

[Anonymous]

Why are you framing this as a UMC thing? I would be upset if my kids were not into any activities besides video games. But do I care if it is not "UMC?" Who freaking cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you framing this as a UMC thing? I would be upset if my kids were not into any activities besides video games. But do I care if it is not "UMC?" Who freaking cares?

I think the point is that, across multiple threads on this forum, people are exploring what it means to be MC and UMC and how people arrive at or maintain that status.

Look at the thread on raising kids in UMC DMV communities. Tons of posts ended up being about the wearing of Lululemon. There is a lot of discourse on this site about explicit class markers.

One of the characteristics that supposedly sets the rich apart from MC and UMC is that they do not spend a lot of time contemplating these issues.

[Anonymous]

My spouse grew up poor, like we don’t have enough for the heat or electric bills and not everyone can eat dinner poor. The thing that he claims saved his life is he was a bike ride away from a private golf course and a friend brought him in to caddy starting in middle school. Not only did the tips fund his necessities but he spent his summers around rich professionals who changed his perspective. After hours he learned to golf, went on to get degrees no one in his family had ever had, and now golfs with clients. That type of hobby can absolutely change your trajectory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you framing this as a UMC thing? I would be upset if my kids were not into any activities besides video games. But do I care if it is not "UMC?" Who freaking cares?

I think the point is that, across multiple threads on this forum, people are exploring what it means to be MC and UMC and how people arrive at or maintain that status.

Look at the thread on raising kids in UMC DMV communities. Tons of posts ended up being about the wearing of Lululemon. There is a lot of discourse on this site about explicit class markers.

One of the characteristics that supposedly sets the rich apart from MC and UMC is that they do not spend a lot of time contemplating these issues.

This is the most asinine, mind numbing thread…and that’s saying a lot for DCUM, yet here I am. It’s real easy to look rich, but who really cares?! My dad’s company did service work for somebody, who when he was alive, was one of the most wealthy people in DC. He had a lot going on, but the last thing he cared about was flaunting his wealth. He lived in a modest home in Potomac, wore cheap suits, drove a Ford Taurus and vacationed in Fenwick Island. He also haggled my dad’s company about the price every time.

As for skiing, yes it’s expensive. That’s why I only do it once or twice a year, and it’s usually just Tomberline in WV. As another poster said, the issue with OP’s kid isn’t that they don’t like “UMC” activities, but that all they like is video games. Nothing wrong with video games, but need to have other hobbies or interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, the horror! Your kids aren’t interested in creating networking opportunities or being club champion. You’ve clearly failed as a parent and they’re not even old enough to take the keys of your late-model Mercedes.

It’s time to face facts. Not only will they never get into HYP, they’ll never even attain UMC respectability. It’s time to help them cultivate hobbies that will help them make friends among the mouth-breathers they’re destined to rub elbows with. Instead of piano, skiing and golf, get them familiar with demolition derby, hunting and bass fishing. If you have girls, cheer, pageants and/or barrel racing are acceptable alternatives.

See you at Cabela’s!

Did it make you feel good to write that? You're an odd one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up middle class but had parents who provided me with opportunities to cultivate hobbies and activities that are typically considered UMC. I play tennis, ski, golf, played piano, etc.

I have two teen boys who are not interested in learning any of those things. We can’t go on ski trips because they don’t want to learn to ski or snowboard. They don’t want to do any of those activities as a family. All they want to do is play video games. I’m so disappointed that we’re trying to give them opportunities to learn to do things that may come in handy in the future and they don’t want any part of it. Can anyone else relate?

Our kid was in ski lessons by age4’ish. Dc would be in ski school while DH skied. Ditto ice skating. And lots of other things. Waiting u til teen ages is probably too late bc now you have a power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you framing this as a UMC thing? I would be upset if my kids were not into any activities besides video games. But do I care if it is not "UMC?" Who freaking cares?

I think the point is that, across multiple threads on this forum, people are exploring what it means to be MC and UMC and how people arrive at or maintain that status.

Look at the thread on raising kids in UMC DMV communities. Tons of posts ended up being about the wearing of Lululemon. There is a lot of discourse on this site about explicit class markers.

One of the characteristics that supposedly sets the rich apart from MC and UMC is that they do not spend a lot of time contemplating these issues.

People who consider mall clothes and skiing as things only for umc really should get out more.

[Anonymous]

If you let teens make their own decisions about what the family does together then yes, their choice will be hanging out with friends or video games.

Today we're going to a museum. Because I bought the tickets and said we're going. :shrug:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you framing this as a UMC thing? I would be upset if my kids were not into any activities besides video games. But do I care if it is not "UMC?" Who freaking cares?

I think the point is that, across multiple threads on this forum, people are exploring what it means to be MC and UMC and how people arrive at or maintain that status.

Look at the thread on raising kids in UMC DMV communities. Tons of posts ended up being about the wearing of Lululemon. There is a lot of discourse on this site about explicit class markers.

One of the characteristics that supposedly sets the rich apart from MC and UMC is that they do not spend a lot of time contemplating these issues.

People who consider mall clothes and skiing as things only for umc really should get out more.

PP. I think you kind of made my point. Really rich people aren't discussing this stuff. It's people probably between 150K HHI and 500K HHI who can't accurately assess their percentile rank in terms of overall US HHI and who disagree on whether Lululemon leggings are a rip-off also worrying about whether their kids need to know how to do these sports to stay at the top of the US income distribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waiting to teach these things as teens? What activities did they do as young kids? My kids have learned everything you mentioned in elementary school so now as teens they enjoy them.

Op here. We did these activities starting when they were small. We begged, bribed, and forced them to come along. Now that they are older, I am listening to them when they tell me they hate golf and don’t want to go, or that they aren’t interested in skiing. It’s disappointing.

Just pick one and forget the others (golf, really?). And yes, you do need to take control regarding video games. Are you raising incels?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Agree the UMC thing seems a little troll-ish. But it's still been interesting reading people's reactions.

I grew up LMC and spending money on activities/hobbies was not a priority for my parents. Wasn't until I was in college that I started doing fun things. I went skiing, horseback riding, played tennis because my friends were doing those things. I learned to keep up, but am still a little resentful as an adult that I was not given the opportunity to develop a talent or hobby that I could excel in - I still believe piano lessons/music would have been a lifelong passion for me.

Fast forward to having a kid of my own: We (barely MC) spent a lot of money on activities in early ES/MS: baseball, soccer, swimming, viola lessons, piano lessons, art camps, sleepaway outdoor adventures camps - and none of them stuck through HS. He basically started from scratch in 9th grade with a new sport and some clubs and - who would've guessed, does math in his spare time.

I'm glad those early years of trying things out at least inspired him to use his free time wisely (and yes there are video games with friends but it's not all-consuming.) In my case, my teen years were spent going to parties, getting high and making out with boys in cars.

If you don't encourage kids to do something useful, they will find a way to fill that void when they are teens.

If you do all those things you are not middle class.

Ha! We most definitely are middle class. Most of kid's sports activities done through community center and sports & rec. Viola lessons in public school/orchestra. HS club sport is a splurge but it keeps him out of trouble, in good mental/physical health, and it's where he found his friend group and his joy. Consider it good ROI for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Was it really necessary to point out that you married a white woman?
Congrats, I guess?

It is very common to see a white man with an Asian woman but 30 years ago, it was not common to see an Asian man with a white woman. It is still not common today.

Most Asian men want to be with white women because they want their kids to look beautiful and tall. An Asian man with a wife who is white is admired by his asian peers because he has money or exceptional skills.