rapid weight gain in a teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. If she was the size she is now, and over the course of the next year rapidly lost weight in the manner she has gained without modifying her food intake or exercise would you be this concerned about her health? Would you be lamenting that you can’ti continue to buy new clothing as she changes sizes? Think seriously about that.

NP: As a mom, I certainly would be! I would be concerned there was a medical issue if my teen was losing a large amount of weight without reason (exercise/diet)- regardless of what their starting weight was.

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the angry poster and take your child to a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. If she was the size she is now, and over the course of the next year rapidly lost weight in the manner she has gained without modifying her food intake or exercise would you be this concerned about her health? Would you be lamenting that you can’t continue to buy new clothing as she changes sizes? Think seriously about that.

Uh yes. I'd actually be far more concerned if this was an weight loss. Undiagnosed cancer would be a concern.

[Anonymous]

Ignore those nasty posts. Clearly you are a good mother who cares deeply about her daughter and realizes this is a touchy subject with her. Good luck getting some answers at the doc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She doesn't take any medications (no birth control pills).
I really don't think she's buying snacks or food on a regular basis. She goes to a private school and they don't sell snacks and she doesn't walk anywhere to buy junk food.
I've definitely thought about this possibility--but I'm just not seeing any evidence of it (no wrappers, no receipts, no charges on her card.) Plus we don't shame food--we're not a no-junk household (although recently I've been cutting way back) so there's no reason she would go to great lengths to hide junk food.

She could be pregnant.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.

Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.

It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.

np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.

For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.

+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).

OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.

Also, it's the "buying larger clothing" that is a short term fix. Not the size 10-12 clothing that is "temporary."
I can't keep continually buying her new clothing in a new size every 6 months. I mean, I guess could (and I would if it came to that) but that doesn't seem to be a long-term fix to this concern.

If her feet were still growing would you say you couldn’t keep buying her shoes that fit? What the actual heck? She might continue to need different clothing. I never said that you made those comments to her. The fact that you’re annoyed you need to buy her clothing you consider too large is the issue. The long term fix is ruling out any medical problems and ensuring she has clothing to wear in whatever size she is. Saying you can’t continue to buy her appropriately fitting clothing is abusive. What’s the alternative? You make her squeeze into a size that you feel she should aspire to? You control her food like a toddler? Try to focus on helping her not freaking out that she doesn’t have the good fortune to have a slim body like you.

what the ever-loving f*&(k is wrong with you? You are being incredibly concrete and stupid or just misconstruing what I wrote to be an a$$.

I typed out this post because I care deeply about my daughter and am looking for ideas or solutions to what is turning into a complex concern. In the short term, i have (and will continue to) buy her appropriately fitting clothing that makes her feel good about herself. I do not view buying her a new wardrobe every 6 months indefinitely as a long-term fix to the weight game issue. Never did I say I will suddenly stop buying clothing if she keep gaining.

Thank you. Now leave me alone--you have serious issues.

You’ve called me:
-stupid
-something is f-ing wrong with me
-I have serious issues

I didn’t call you a single name. But I’m the nasty poster.

Go back and reread your original post. You automatically considered her “healthy” at size 6 or 8 and decided a larger size was unhealthy. You’re worried she will be humiliated by a doctor telling her to lose weight when she hasn’t expressed she’s upset or humiliated and a doctor hasn’t told her she needs to lose weight. You say she’s cursed. You say your husband noticed her weight gain. You refer to the non well check up as a “problem” visit. You have mentioned ZERO other symptoms of illness in your post. This is not a post about an ill daughter (although maybe she has something going on). This is a post about a helpless mother upset that her daughter is fat and trying to make her not fat.

It’s ok to be upset or concerned about all of these things. The world is often harsher for people who aren’t slim. I’m trying to help you see that feelings you are feeling and perspectives you have can have a very big impact on a daughter with any vulnerability. I hear that you are not saying things out loud, which is good, but oh, suddenly a scale shows up! She will pick up on the tiny things. Truly, I’m a stranger trying to help you not screw this up further for your daughter. I’m very sorry if my bluntness struck a nerve for you. I don’t think you’re a bad mom and I think you’re coming from a good place. But since you’ve not lived with this issue yourself, you may have blind spots on how it feels to have lived this. That’s why I’m pointing this out. She needs to feel like you love her completely no matter what her weight. Because lots of people will only love her if she’s slim and she deserves unconditional mother’s love. Just love your daughter completely as I know you already are, and protect her from pain by treading lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.

Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.

It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.

np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.

For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.

+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).

OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.

Also, it's the "buying larger clothing" that is a short term fix. Not the size 10-12 clothing that is "temporary."
I can't keep continually buying her new clothing in a new size every 6 months. I mean, I guess could (and I would if it came to that) but that doesn't seem to be a long-term fix to this concern.

If her feet were still growing would you say you couldn’t keep buying her shoes that fit? What the actual heck? She might continue to need different clothing. I never said that you made those comments to her. The fact that you’re annoyed you need to buy her clothing you consider too large is the issue. The long term fix is ruling out any medical problems and ensuring she has clothing to wear in whatever size she is. Saying you can’t continue to buy her appropriately fitting clothing is abusive. What’s the alternative? You make her squeeze into a size that you feel she should aspire to? You control her food like a toddler? Try to focus on helping her not freaking out that she doesn’t have the good fortune to have a slim body like you.

what the ever-loving f*&(k is wrong with you? You are being incredibly concrete and stupid or just misconstruing what I wrote to be an a$$.

I typed out this post because I care deeply about my daughter and am looking for ideas or solutions to what is turning into a complex concern. In the short term, i have (and will continue to) buy her appropriately fitting clothing that makes her feel good about herself. I do not view buying her a new wardrobe every 6 months indefinitely as a long-term fix to the weight game issue. Never did I say I will suddenly stop buying clothing if she keep gaining.

Thank you. Now leave me alone--you have serious issues.

You’ve called me:
-stupid
-something is f-ing wrong with me
-I have serious issues

I didn’t call you a single name. But I’m the nasty poster.

Go back and reread your original post. You automatically considered her “healthy” at size 6 or 8 and decided a larger size was unhealthy. You’re worried she will be humiliated by a doctor telling her to lose weight when she hasn’t expressed she’s upset or humiliated and a doctor hasn’t told her she needs to lose weight. You say she’s cursed. You say your husband noticed her weight gain. You refer to the non well check up as a “problem” visit. You have mentioned ZERO other symptoms of illness in your post. This is not a post about an ill daughter (although maybe she has something going on). This is a post about a helpless mother upset that her daughter is fat and trying to make her not fat.

It’s ok to be upset or concerned about all of these things. The world is often harsher for people who aren’t slim. I’m trying to help you see that feelings you are feeling and perspectives you have can have a very big impact on a daughter with any vulnerability. I hear that you are not saying things out loud, which is good, but oh, suddenly a scale shows up! She will pick up on the tiny things. Truly, I’m a stranger trying to help you not screw this up further for your daughter. I’m very sorry if my bluntness struck a nerve for you. I don’t think you’re a bad mom and I think you’re coming from a good place. But since you’ve not lived with this issue yourself, you may have blind spots on how it feels to have lived this. That’s why I’m pointing this out. She needs to feel like you love her completely no matter what her weight. Because lots of people will only love her if she’s slim and she deserves unconditional mother’s love. Just love your daughter completely as I know you already are, and protect her from pain by treading lightly.

Go away. Please. I'm not OP and even I can tell how emotionally invested you are in this thread. It is not normal to go from a size six to a size twelve in one year. You say her daughter isn't ill, but you have no idea if she could have a dangerous thyroid condition. It's not your child so stop trying to tell OP how to parent. OP did the right thing by scheduling the doctor's appointment.

[Anonymous]

This is happened to my daughter as well this year and we are trying to figure it out. Hers is related to a mood stabilizer she takes and also to birth control. It’s really hard on her and very frustrating. One thing that helps hurts on the other side. I am curious from some of the post. What does vitamin D have to do with weight gain?