Would You Attend The Funeral of an Estranged Sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting thing about this post is that your friend inherited $4m and still works. Unless her job is very fulfilling, that alone makes me question her life choices.

If her brother is 52, she should be around 50. $4m is not enough to retire on.

She may have a plan to work until X date (when SS kicks in?) and then retire and live nicely. Also, health care is tied to your job. As someone with a chronically ill spouse, I will never hit the exchange. It’s too costly.

OP - I wouldn’t go neither. Especially if it might cause a stir. She could honor him privately as a sibling and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My closest friend at work has a brother she hasn't spoken with in 11 years. I understand that they were never actually close despite being 2 years apart, but when their mother died the estate (4m) was left to my friend. That was the last time they spoke.

He died in a freak accident this last Thursday at 52 and the funeral is next week. She is not planning on attending. This has me baffled.

Leave your friend alone. Support her if anything. Most people have fully earned their estrangement after many many reach outs and intervention attempts. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My closest friend at work has a brother she hasn't spoken with in 11 years. I understand that they were never actually close despite being 2 years apart, but when their mother died the estate (4m) was left to my friend. That was the last time they spoke.

He died in a freak accident this last Thursday at 52 and the funeral is next week. She is not planning on attending. This has me baffled.

Not baffling at all.

Estranged relative. Written out of his parents will. Doesn’t talk to anyone. “Freak fatality” at age 52.

Not uncommon Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting thing about this post is that your friend inherited $4m and still works. Unless her job is very fulfilling, that alone makes me question her life choices.

Oh please. $4m savings when you’re in your 40s or 50s, have children to provide for, fund college, grad school, weddings, gift down payments, and fund retirement, and will live to age 80 or 90 is pretty normal if you save money and don’t overspend.
Plus lots of “millionaires” and even self made billionaires continue to work and contribute to the economy and society. It’s a special person who gets some money and stops being productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she do to get mom to give her all the money? I could see why he wanted nothing to do with her.

This! They weren’t estranged by accident. Your friend is very likely a thief, and the brother died a death of despair. She practically killed him.

Not OP. Literally LOL'd at this. You guys have no idea what happened. Maybe he's an addict. Maybe he committed sexual abuse. It takes a lot for a mother to disown her son.

Not if the sibling exerted undue influence on the parent to do it so they could inherit everything. Happens all the time.

True this could have been the case, Mommy coddled daughter and son wrote them off. Mother died, gave everything to manipulative child, and now other child died.

Either way, do not go to the funeral. Even if you’re nosy as F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my dad died while the pandemic was raging, my failure-to-launch brother had my mother hire a new lawyer and amend my parents' trust to disown me and my sister. We found out the day after my mom died. He claims she wanted it. I thought we were close. Never underestimate what people will do to get money.

My dads failure to launch youngest sib got 80% of millions. The other fraud seeking uncle had already been gifted the farm house and the lake house. The mother played favorites and favored her least successful of the seven kids. The ones that moved away for or after college are most functional. And vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I am estranged from my sibling but would attend her funeral. It’s none of your business what anyone does, but I’m assuming this is more of a thought experiment and you are not planning on confronting your very forthcoming colleague with your opinions. DCUM is full of very opinionated people, many of whom have no experience with estrangement but are very willing to opine. So fertile ground for your thought experiment.

[Anonymous]

I’m estranged from my sibling but would attend her funeral but would not be sad. She’s a liar and a thief and I don’t like her.

[Anonymous]

I'd go in the situation you describe, but I have no judgment for someone else who would choose not to go. I think it's a very personal decision, there is no right or wrong answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My closest friend at work has a brother she hasn't spoken with in 11 years. I understand that they were never actually close despite being 2 years apart, but when their mother died the estate (4m) was left to my friend. That was the last time they spoke.

He died in a freak accident this last Thursday at 52 and the funeral is next week. She is not planning on attending. This has me baffled.

A bit cold hearted but practical, he is dead so it won't make any difference. She should do what she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Why would someone attend? Curiosity about the people in the sibiling's life? Schadenfreude? Is there any reason to care how their remaining friends and family acknowledge the deceased's life and death? Wanting to know if they're getting anything in the will? If the answer to any of these is "yes," it sounds like they're still living in the other sibling's head.

Also, their remaining friends and family may not want the surviving sibling there, just a thought. They'll be wondering the same questions: is it schadenfreude, has OP's friend come to gloat or to hear the will? They may have heard awful things about OP's friend from the deceased and not want anything to do with her. Et cetera et cetera.

Have some consideration for the surviving family and friends, if not for the estranged sibling. Attending would create extra drama, whether intentionally or not, and they don't need extra drama on this day when they're grieving.

[Anonymous]

"$4m is not enough to retire on."

LOL. That's $200,000 a year without touching the principle. House would already be paid and kids are already out of college.

You're a fool.

[Anonymous]

I attended the funeral of someone who did great harm to me. I thought this directed to her - "I forgive you. Please forgive me too if I ever did any harm to you. I hope everything we were to each other was sorted out in this lifetime. Please, I do not want to do anything with you in my next life. Please do not meet me again. My obligation to you is over. RIP."

[Anonymous]

I’ve been estranged from my siblings on my dad’s side for nearly seven years. They’re in their twenties, I’m in my thirties. Unless something changes in the next several decades, I can’t imagine going to their funerals.

[Anonymous]

This is not your business. Who cares if your are baffled? You have no idea what estrangement involved.