Sad that DH and I will be regulated to the "after holiday" holiday celebrations.

[Anonymous]

OP, 2 things:
1) you and your DH were *relegated* to the after holiday celebrations not regulated
2) be a gracious, welcoming, loving, fun, non-judgmental mom/MIL and your adult kids and their significant others will want to spend time w you. I’m a woman married to a man and we are closer with my in laws than w my own parents and are more likely to spend holidays w my in laws than my own parents because my in laws are fun to be with, don’t ever demand or expect us to do things a certain way, are very easy going and laid back, and are very gracious and generous hosts whenever we visit. My parents on the other hand are difficult, demanding, and not as good at hosting and therefore it’s not as fun visiting them. Especially now that we have kids of our own, we prefer to spend holidays with my in laws because they make it a lot more fun and relaxing. Be like that and your adult kids and their spouses will want to be with you.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my 40s. Before kids and when we lived on East coast we’d balance family more. Now we’re in CA. Both my parents and in laws are on East coast. We go East every other year and my brother has his done for Christmas those years and my sister flies in with her kids so we do Christmas at my parents. We then drove to my in-laws a few hours away. Typically my parents get Christmas but my in-laws get a little more time. It’s hard though - I still have a bunch of high school friends I like to see and my parents live near a city. My kids don’t have cousins on the other side and there are only so many days that it’s fun to build snowmen in the country. My FIl is challenging, but my MiL is awesome and it’s often more relaxing for me to be at their house, but the kids like the time with their cousins. It’s hard for parents to visit us, but I do recognize my in-laws have only visited once in 7 yrs (even when we’ve offered to pay for flights) and my husband has never planned any of our visits or trips. As the planner, yes, I do tend to prioritize my family and friends. I also fly with the kids to visit family some time. I’ve encouraged my DH to visit his parents (with or without kids) since once every two years is so little. He went once many years ago and that’s it.