I think my life would be easier if I was a single mom.

[Anonymous]

op, what kind of a partner was he before you had the baby? Was there any red flags?

[Anonymous]

You both seem a bit selfish and self absorbed, honestly. Neither one has priorities in the right place.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

Absolutely NONE of the things she listed are needed for a woman to “take care of herself,” except for time alone or with family.

Self care is a thing. Some people feel great doing yoga and for others, it's having a nice purse or eyelash extensions. I get a brazilian every month and some people would probably say that's unnecessary, but it makes me feel good. Everyone has a different self-care language. If OP's is beauty/pampering than who cares? Why is it less valid than her wanting to take a pilates class every day?

It’s funny how easy it is to spot the not-married ones here. If my spouse claimed a right to spend money above our means on things because they “make him feel good” I’d laugh in his face. If you want to go into debt on eyelash extensions, don’t get married.

I've been married for ten years and have three kids. Do you think it's easy to spot the stupid ones too? Because you seem pretty stupid. And the OP said she and her husband have no debt and live a comfortable lifestyle. I'm not going to dictate what the OP and her husband can afford and I don't think you are in a position to do that either.

Oh, and no one who is married is in debt? You should take your show on the road honey. You're a barrel of laughs.

And you’ve obviously aged out of this forum. Honey.

I'm 37. You just can't get anything right, can you? Try to keep up. You're really showing how stupid you are with all of your incorrect assumptions, but you're just proving that the stupid ones are easy to spot. My guess is you are self-loathing and can't imagine getting a brazilian or taking care of yourself by doing any self care. That's probably why you are so miserable and think that anyone who wants to take care of themself is horrible or single.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for you OP, I can't imagine the isolation and frustration with the isolation you are feeling. Some advice: get a good therapist and talk to them about the potential of doing couple therapy (it can be remote if he's gone 6 months). Another thing from a PP, I'm wondering if he has another family too. Any chance you can look into this?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a big enough impact on your life that he should quit his job and get a different one. No one is so indispensable that they are tethered to a job like this. If it's military, he should get out of this assignment as soon as he legally can and shoot for a local desk-type job or separate. Living like this does not work when you have a family, even if it's just one kid (I'm an only-child mom too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

I don’t think that’s true that your Botox “is not hurting anyone”. Injecting poison into your body is really unhealthy. And your whole thread is basically saying, “I was sick constantly and my in-laws didn’t help me”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

I don’t think that’s true that your Botox “is not hurting anyone”. Injecting poison into your body is really unhealthy. And your whole thread is basically saying, “I was sick constantly and my in-laws didn’t help me”.

… you do realize the Botox is used as a treatment for migraines by neurologists, right? It can also help with nerve damage. You sound very uninformed and not a medical professional at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

I don’t think that’s true that your Botox “is not hurting anyone”. Injecting poison into your body is really unhealthy. And your whole thread is basically saying, “I was sick constantly and my in-laws didn’t help me”.

… you do realize the Botox is used as a treatment for migraines by neurologists, right? It can also help with nerve damage. You sound very uninformed and not a medical professional at all.

I think the person harping on the beauty treatments is a troll. But def not a woman because they have no idea what Mastitis is based on their response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

I don’t think that’s true that your Botox “is not hurting anyone”. Injecting poison into your body is really unhealthy. And your whole thread is basically saying, “I was sick constantly and my in-laws didn’t help me”.

… you do realize the Botox is used as a treatment for migraines by neurologists, right? It can also help with nerve damage. You sound very uninformed and not a medical professional at all.

If OP’s DH was withholding medical treatment then I’m pretty sure she would have mentioned that.

Botox is actually poison. That’s what the tox part means - toxin. It’s true that it’s not a healthy thing to do. Feel free to discuss that with your doctor (not one that profits if you agree to the injections).

Him hunting with his dad is actually much better for the family than OP spending money and risking her health on Botox. Sorry but it just is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

I don’t think that’s true that your Botox “is not hurting anyone”. Injecting poison into your body is really unhealthy. And your whole thread is basically saying, “I was sick constantly and my in-laws didn’t help me”.

… you do realize the Botox is used as a treatment for migraines by neurologists, right? It can also help with nerve damage. You sound very uninformed and not a medical professional at all.

If OP’s DH was withholding medical treatment then I’m pretty sure she would have mentioned that.

Botox is actually poison. That’s what the tox part means - toxin. It’s true that it’s not a healthy thing to do. Feel free to discuss that with your doctor (not one that profits if you agree to the injections).

Him hunting with his dad is actually much better for the family than OP spending money and risking her health on Botox. Sorry but it just is.

You mean somehow a man taking care of his needs is more important than a woman’s need for self-care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

You spend over two thousand dollars a year on eyelash extensions??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

You spend over two thousand dollars a year on eyelash extensions??

The pearl clutching is too much. My friend’s husband regularly drops that much on golf weekends. My MIL spends $400 when she gets a haircut/dye. My SIL just bought a very ugly pair of Gucci mules for $900. Why does it offend you that people choose to spend money on things you wouldn’t? If you really want to be offended, be offended by all the money going to superpacs and lobbyists or be offended by billionaires buying yachts instead of choosing to pay their employees decent wages, foster ethical labor conditions at their companies, or fund a number of worthy causes. Do not waste your energy being offended by the OP spending $2000 on eyelash extensions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

Ok up hold up! Why are you saying you would not ask for pension or child support? That’s insane. If you get divorced, you need to fight for every penny you’re entitled to. That’s half of marital assets, which includes half of anything he has saved during your marriage including pension, and child support. Don’t cut yourself or your kids short. He would spend the extra money on travel trips for himself. Get what you deserve so you can save it for your kids and for your own retirement so you aren’t as much of a burden to your kids when you are old. There’s no reason to say you would not take what you were entitled to financially

I hear what you’re saying.

To minimize conflict with him. I have my own savings and retirement to protect. I would not want to divvy mine up either.

I could reasonably ask for about $500-800/month in child support but I’d almost rather ask he put that money into a trust or other account for our child.

Woah- no one I know gets that little in child support!!! Especially if he makes more than 100k. You have a lot of misconceptions about divorce. Check out some books at the library. My best friend gets $2400 and her dh doesn't make a ton of money. You have a 3 year old.

Additionally, you don't have to give him 50% custody if he's out of town 6 months a year.

Your friends are lucky. I’m only allowed $220 in child support but never see it. Im making 75k before taxes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We are very frugal. Our house payment is 2800. Our cars are paid off. No student loan debt. All we pay for is mortgage, utilities, car insurance & gas, groceries, and a nanny half of the year. We don’t use credit cards.

Botox is every 6 months. Eyelash extensions are about 2x/month and $85 each time. I’ve been saving for cosmetic surgery. We’re not living beyond our means.

I guess if I have a personal interest in beauty and self care that makes me selfish. Ok. I’m willing to take that as a judgement if that’s how you feel. I don’t know what to tell you? I’ll stop doing it? What do you want me to say about how I choose to spend my time/money on if it’s not hurting anyone and not affecting our budget?

I guess because my STBXH takes issue with it. Well, it won’t be his problem soon enough then.

You spend over two thousand dollars a year on eyelash extensions??

The pearl clutching is too much. My friend’s husband regularly drops that much on golf weekends. My MIL spends $400 when she gets a haircut/dye. My SIL just bought a very ugly pair of Gucci mules for $900. Why does it offend you that people choose to spend money on things you wouldn’t? If you really want to be offended, be offended by all the money going to superpacs and lobbyists or be offended by billionaires buying yachts instead of choosing to pay their employees decent wages, foster ethical labor conditions at their companies, or fund a number of worthy causes. Do not waste your energy being offended by the OP spending $2000 on eyelash extensions.

+1000
And I’m a woman who wears no make up and spend no money on cosmetics or “self care.” But the sexism on this thread is is obvious it’s funny.