I think my life would be easier if I was a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, sounds like your DH sucks. It will get easier as your DS gets older. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Women always overvalue their contribution in a relationship and undervalue their spouses' contribution. OP, you are probably doing less than you think you do and your DH is probably adding more value than you give him credit for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

Ok up hold up! Why are you saying you would not ask for pension or child support? That’s insane. If you get divorced, you need to fight for every penny you’re entitled to. That’s half of marital assets, which includes half of anything he has saved during your marriage including pension, and child support. Don’t cut yourself or your kids short. He would spend the extra money on travel trips for himself. Get what you deserve so you can save it for your kids and for your own retirement so you aren’t as much of a burden to your kids when you are old. There’s no reason to say you would not take what you were entitled to financially

I hear what you’re saying.

To minimize conflict with him. I have my own savings and retirement to protect. I would not want to divvy mine up either.

I could reasonably ask for about $500-800/month in child support but I’d almost rather ask he put that money into a trust or other account for our child.

Woah- no one I know gets that little in child support!!! Especially if he makes more than 100k. You have a lot of misconceptions about divorce. Check out some books at the library. My best friend gets $2400 and her dh doesn't make a ton of money. You have a 3 year old.

Additionally, you don't have to give him 50% custody if he's out of town 6 months a year.

You could be right - I’ll have to double check. Maybe the online child support calculator I used was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always overvalue their contribution in a relationship and undervalue their spouses' contribution. OP, you are probably doing less than you think you do and your DH is probably adding more value than you give him credit for.

You are right. He does do all the yard work and any stuff around the house that needs to be fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always overvalue their contribution in a relationship and undervalue their spouses' contribution. OP, you are probably doing less than you think you do and your DH is probably adding more value than you give him credit for.

I was in OP's situation when I was married. I absolutely did not undervalue his contribution. I have been much, much happier for the past 12 years since we parted ways. I have adjusted very nicely and he is just a miserable alcoholic who can't get his life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

Let me guess. You are divorced. Am I right? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

A 33 year old needs botox?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

Let me guess. You are divorced. Am I right? LOL

Let me guess. You're a doormat. Am I right? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

A 33 year old needs botox?

It doesn't matter whether she needs it. No one NEEDS botox. The point is he spends $500 on a hunting trip and that's ok. But botox? On no!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

Wait- are you trolling?

Op here, no? What about that gives you the impression I’m trolling?

Anytime I want to do something for myself, like beauty treatments, it’s a big fight from him. It’s not about money.

Well it's just that all the things you mention just sound kind of selfish or extreme- plastic surgery, eyelash extensions, botox, $30 shampoo, nights to yourself. Those would give my dh pause too, unless you were super high maintenance before kids as well.

I think that instead, you and your dh should set up amounts that are okay for you to spend. Discretionary income.

You are seriously F-ed in the head if you think a woman taking care of herself is selfish. I'm NOT OP.

A 33 year old needs botox?

It doesn't matter whether she needs it. No one NEEDS botox. The point is he spends $500 on a hunting trip and that's ok. But botox? On no!!!

Hobby vs being vain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always overvalue their contribution in a relationship and undervalue their spouses' contribution. OP, you are probably doing less than you think you do and your DH is probably adding more value than you give him credit for.

NONE of the data holds that theory to water.