Do kids not write thank you notes/emails anymore?

[Anonymous]

I hate thank you notes. Absolutely hate them. I send them and make my kids send them because people are judgmental and weird about not getting them but I cannot wait for this tradition to die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As to OP, yes, people write notes less now. Texts and messages are often sent in their stead, but nothing is common too. You can write these kids off as being rude, and complain about this generation, or you can adjust your expectations. I dunno, OP. I suspect you already know this from the framing of your question, though...

well, I would fault you rather than your kids. Thinking you are too busy to pop a quick acknowledgement note, text or email suggests you think yourself and concerns more important than those of others . I mean, a person went out of their way for you by even thinking about you and your occasion and choosing to mark that occasion with a gift. I always taught my kid she isn’t busier, better, or more important than anyone else and to show her gratitude to those kind people who have gone out of their way to celebrate her.
It’s not old fashioned , and you’re not hip or midterm for foregoing this etiquette, just self-important, and it sounds like you are raising your kids the same, which is sad. This is making the world worse, not better.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I only have young kids but I had to take this off of my very overwhelming to do list. We appreciate gifts and the people who give them. I send a text with a photo of my kid using the gift when I can, the rest I just let it go. Apologies in advance to anyone who is offended. I can't do it all.

This. I would gladly even take gift giving off the table to save me the headache of having people offended. We don't mean to offend. If your intention in giving the gift is to be thanked, you can probably abstain.

What if we thank you in person when we receive the gift? Is that not good enough?

Wow. Someone has zero manners. Yes, if you thank in person when opening it, no thank you note is needed. Otherwise, yes, send a. Thank you note.

Curious, where are you from? I’m guessing someplace like NJ?

I was with you until you had to bust on NJ. Why??? I’m from NJ and was taught to send thank you notes. And I taught my child the same. And she does it. I don’t think state of origin has anything to do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate thank you notes. Absolutely hate them. I send them and make my kids send them because people are judgmental and weird about not getting them but I cannot wait for this tradition to die.

Weird. Are you offended by other acts of kindness and gratitude? Reciprocating greetings? Or just thanking people for doing something nice for you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t have my kids do thank yous for bday party gifts as young elementary schoolers anymore. I did it with my oldest for the first couple of years when he had whole class bday parties in preschool and es. printed them out on the computer with a pic of him with the gift as he opened them at home and had him sign them then sent them into school. Then realized not a ton of people do it and happily removed it from my list, especially as we moved on from whole class parties and I needed to track down addresses. I’m aware it’s not perfect etiquette and I’m ok with it. We always thank people for coming and bringing a gift as they leave. We still do thank yous for relatives and people who send things from out of town so they know a gift was received and enjoyed.

And we don't open gifts during parties anymore - the cards and gifts get separated half of the time before the gifts are even opened. I couldn't write thank you notes for many of the gifts if I tried.

Why not? So many seem to dislike children and take away fun things from them. It's so strange.

Because it's not fun for the kids watching, and it's not always fun for the birthday kid who may prefer to run around with their friends.

It's not strange that people have different ideas about fun.

Weird. It always seem a fun activity, and kids like seeing the birthday kid open their gift.

No, definitely don't make kids sit around watching another kid open gifts. What a waste of time. I'm so glad this isn't part of parties anymore. I wish we could remove it from adult baby showers and the like too. Ugh, it's also tacky to show off what everyone else bought, and it's awkward for the gifter and the getter to know what to say.

My child writes thank you notes to grandparents and great grand parents for holiday and birthday gifts. We do not write them to other children for party gifts. Mostly out of logistics - I don't have the names and addresses of all of the little kids in his class, and also because I just don't think it matters that much.

I personally do not write thank you gifts but that's because I don't receive gifts really except from my parents and I open it in front of them and express my gratitude right away. I will also usually call the first time I use a gift and tell them about it ("I'm using that new pan you got me to make cookies, just wanted to let you know!")

I do, however, agree that thank you notes should always be sent for wedding gifts.

It's funny, I never wrote notes to my grandparents and my kid doesn't write notes to hers. I called them on the phone, which is what she does. Why? Because it's more personal, and they like to talk to her. A formal note for a close relationship feels cold. She does send notes to friends -- kids love getting mail! She draws a picture on one side of a card and writes a short note on the other. Personally, I'm fine with a text or email, but I think the spirit of the thank-you note is important.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I only have young kids but I had to take this off of my very overwhelming to do list. We appreciate gifts and the people who give them. I send a text with a photo of my kid using the gift when I can, the rest I just let it go. Apologies in advance to anyone who is offended. I can't do it all.

This. I would gladly even take gift giving off the table to save me the headache of having people offended. We don't mean to offend. If your intention in giving the gift is to be thanked, you can probably abstain.

What if we thank you in person when we receive the gift? Is that not good enough?

People have always been busy. It’s common courtesy to send a thank you note once you’ve had a chance to open the gift. Thanking someone for something when it’s wrapped and you don’t know what it is doesn’t count.

My mom always had my sister and me write thank you notes. I do the same thing with my daughter. In my view, it’s important to take the time to show gratitude.

No, people have NOT been busy like they are now. Not anywhere close.
And we no longer use mail. At all. Thank you notes are definitely a relic of a bygone era that only older people utilize.

And if me thanking you to your face and telling you how nice it is to give a gift "doesn't count" then you are too high maintenance to know.

You’re rude and I hope I don’t know you in real life.

Dude, I thank people to their face for gifts and you tell me that's NOT SUFFICIENT! That is the most arrogant thing ever. If I thank you in person, it shouldn't need a post-facto redo. My thanks do not change once gift opened.
Name anyone under 50 who uses USPS and/or letters.

You need to get off your high horse. And no, I am 100% sure that I do not know you in real life. Most of my friends are pretty chill people.

No. If they are your friends, like attracts like, and they are just as common as you.

[Anonymous]

Over the summer my MIL asked one of her friends who was traveling to get me a small item from a sports team I like in another country they were in. I had no idea she had asked them to do this and was pleasantly surprised when my MIL gave me this gift. Well I guess the friends (who I may have met once in 25+ years) were like "we didn't get a thank you card" so this week I had to write a thank you card for a gift I did not ask for or remotely even know about. But yes I have had my kid write thank you cards, I figure it not only teaches some manners but also appreciation and it's a chance for him to work on his handwriting.

[Anonymous]

Unless it’s a wedding gift you aren’t getting a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

I never expect thank you notes for gifts I give, nor do I send them for gifts I receive. Anyone who’s offended by that is quite welcome to withdraw from my life and never speak to me again. I’m from a very southern Baptist family and it’s not really a thing with us apart from wedding gifts, so I assume the people who care about this must somehow be even more uptight and unpleasant than a bunch of southern baptists. I do not wish to know such people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never expect thank you notes for gifts I give, nor do I send them for gifts I receive. Anyone who’s offended by that is quite welcome to withdraw from my life and never speak to me again. I’m from a very southern Baptist family and it’s not really a thing with us apart from wedding gifts, so I assume the people who care about this must somehow be even more uptight and unpleasant than a bunch of southern baptists. I do not wish to know such people.

This response is amazing! I would like to be friends with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate thank you notes. Absolutely hate them. I send them and make my kids send them because people are judgmental and weird about not getting them but I cannot wait for this tradition to die.

I get the sentiment for most rudimentary gifts; birthdays, christmas, etc. Though- I send and my kids send still bc I feel obligated.

But there are instances I absolutely send with full gratitude and willingly; a good friend keeps my kids overnight while I stay with one in the ER, a meal brought during hard times, a special something picked up on trip and gifted. The special stuff that is extra thoughtful deserves a written letter.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I only have young kids but I had to take this off of my very overwhelming to do list. We appreciate gifts and the people who give them. I send a text with a photo of my kid using the gift when I can, the rest I just let it go. Apologies in advance to anyone who is offended. I can't do it all.

This. I would gladly even take gift giving off the table to save me the headache of having people offended. We don't mean to offend. If your intention in giving the gift is to be thanked, you can probably abstain.

What if we thank you in person when we receive the gift? Is that not good enough?

People have always been busy. It’s common courtesy to send a thank you note once you’ve had a chance to open the gift. Thanking someone for something when it’s wrapped and you don’t know what it is doesn’t count.

My mom always had my sister and me write thank you notes. I do the same thing with my daughter. In my view, it’s important to take the time to show gratitude.

No, people have NOT been busy like they are now. Not anywhere close.
And we no longer use mail. At all. Thank you notes are definitely a relic of a bygone era that only older people utilize.

And if me thanking you to your face and telling you how nice it is to give a gift "doesn't count" then you are too high maintenance to know.

You’re rude and I hope I don’t know you in real life.

Dude, I thank people to their face for gifts and you tell me that's NOT SUFFICIENT! That is the most arrogant thing ever. If I thank you in person, it shouldn't need a post-facto redo. My thanks do not change once gift opened.
Name anyone under 50 who uses USPS and/or letters.

You need to get off your high horse. And no, I am 100% sure that I do not know you in real life. Most of my friends are pretty chill people.

I’m chill too, but don’t consider thanking you for a wrapped gift sufficient. I will send a note that has a couple sentences about the gift itself. Something like “thank you for the beautiful vase! It looks lovely on the dining room table.”

That is the very definition of not being chill. And if you require a personal, handwritten note with a description of each gift and its qualities, you are a PITA

It’s not a requirement; I just consider it courteous. It’s my way of showing you I appreciate your gift.

NP that's fine and all, but it's definitely not "chill."

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I only have young kids but I had to take this off of my very overwhelming to do list. We appreciate gifts and the people who give them. I send a text with a photo of my kid using the gift when I can, the rest I just let it go. Apologies in advance to anyone who is offended. I can't do it all.

This. I would gladly even take gift giving off the table to save me the headache of having people offended. We don't mean to offend. If your intention in giving the gift is to be thanked, you can probably abstain.

What if we thank you in person when we receive the gift? Is that not good enough?

People have always been busy. It’s common courtesy to send a thank you note once you’ve had a chance to open the gift. Thanking someone for something when it’s wrapped and you don’t know what it is doesn’t count.

My mom always had my sister and me write thank you notes. I do the same thing with my daughter. In my view, it’s important to take the time to show gratitude.

No, people have NOT been busy like they are now. Not anywhere close.
And we no longer use mail. At all. Thank you notes are definitely a relic of a bygone era that only older people utilize.

And if me thanking you to your face and telling you how nice it is to give a gift "doesn't count" then you are too high maintenance to know.

You’re rude and I hope I don’t know you in real life.

Dude, I thank people to their face for gifts and you tell me that's NOT SUFFICIENT! That is the most arrogant thing ever. If I thank you in person, it shouldn't need a post-facto redo. My thanks do not change once gift opened.
Name anyone under 50 who uses USPS and/or letters.

You need to get off your high horse. And no, I am 100% sure that I do not know you in real life. Most of my friends are pretty chill people.

I’m chill too, but don’t consider thanking you for a wrapped gift sufficient. I will send a note that has a couple sentences about the gift itself. Something like “thank you for the beautiful vase! It looks lovely on the dining room table.”

That is the very definition of not being chill. And if you require a personal, handwritten note with a description of each gift and its qualities, you are a PITA

It’s not a requirement; I just consider it courteous. It’s my way of showing you I appreciate your gift.

NP that's fine and all, but it's definitely not "chill."

Another thing that is definitely not "chill" is posting online or getting upset IRL that you don't get a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate thank you notes. Absolutely hate them. I send them and make my kids send them because people are judgmental and weird about not getting them but I cannot wait for this tradition to die.

I don’t like mailed thank you notes, but I absolutely love texts to thank the giver. It’s completely rude to let a gift go unacknowledged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate thank you notes. Absolutely hate them. I send them and make my kids send them because people are judgmental and weird about not getting them but I cannot wait for this tradition to die.

I don’t like mailed thank you notes, but I absolutely love texts to thank the giver. It’s completely rude to let a gift go unacknowledged.

All these people freaking out about thank you notes -- OP also mentioned emails and texts (and a phone call would be fine, too). The idea that expecting someone to *acknowledge* that you gave them a gift and express any gratitude or appreciation, is entitled and uptight is so strange to me. Unless you opened the gift in front of the giver, you did not have an opportunity to thank them for that gift. At most, you generically thanked them for giving *a* gift. Is it really so hard to send a text saying, "Thanks for the awesome doohickey! It's so cute!" or whatever? People usually give gifts hoping that the recipient will like them; is it really so hard to tell them that you did? This isn't just about formal written notes (which are only traditionally required for wedding and shower gifts).