Feel like the choice is binary re: whether to work or not after baby is born

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure from her last post OP is the troll from the “why do you work?” thread.

Ah the DCUM sh*t stirrers strike again. I am not here to stoke the very dumb WOHM/SAHM debate, just genuinely trying to gather people’s experiences. F*** off.

This is the definition of the “very dumb” WOHM/SAHM debate and you said it right here:

“I know *for sure* I will not be a SAHM forever, but the idea of handing my kid over to an underpaid daycare worker is really, really unappealing - this is not a judgement on those who utilize daycares, which I once did, but it’s just not for me.”

Weak troll.

Rather than contributing anything helpful or nuanced (as I have) you appear to be making baseless ad hominem attacks. All of that to say: you are the weak troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had my third baby two months ago. I’m a partner in a mid-sized litigation firm in the Midwest. With my previous kids, I returned to work at the end of my 16-week leave, and we put our kids in daycare (eventually our childcare arrangements changed due to the pandemic). While I would have enjoyed more time with my babies, I did want to make partner, was concerned that any reduced hours arrangement would be impossible to enforce, and, frankly, was nervous to broach the topic. This time around, I’m planning to take some additional unpaid leave — likely around 6-8 mos total. The timing lined up well with my cases, and I’ve been with my firm for a decade, so my work ethic is known. The managing partner tends to take the long view, which is refreshing in the legal realm.

All that’s to say, I don’t think the choice is binary though, admittedly, I’m not well-versed in the IT field. I sometimes listen to the Best of Both Worlds podcast, which addresses motherhood and working. There are some good episodes with interviews of women who have taken lengthy career pauses and reentered the workforce afterwards. You might find them useful. GL!

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m about to go back to work. I left when my now-16 month old was born. I was recruited for the position and they had zero issues with my having been out of work for over a year. It depends on your industry, reputation, etc, but I don’t think 1-2 years out of the workforce is an insurmountable obstacle.
Also, as I think you’ve seen, DCUM is the absolute worst place for questions like this. It is such a cesspool 99% of the time. If you are really struggling to make a decision, I would recommend therapy. It helped me so much in weighing my options, deciding what I actually wanted to do, and pinpointing where I was letting fear dictate my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has me feeling more torn than ever! FWIW if I founded a company it would not be IT-related, but wellness-related as that’s what I did prior to working in IT (I actually don’t gaf about working in IT!). My ultimate goal is to be in politics, which I’m working toward. I know *for sure* I will not be a SAHM forever, but the idea of handing my kid over to an underpaid daycare worker is really, really unappealing - this is not a judgement on those who utilize daycares, which I once did, but it’s just not for me.

I guess all of this discourse goes to show that corporate America/the US government does not care a whit about the well-being of children and families, which of course I already knew. Its unfortunate that for so many working/not working is a zero-sum game. It’s for this reason that I will most likely exercise option 3, starting my own business, because I’m not so sure I want to be enmeshed in this system.

What do you want to do in wellness?

When my second was born, I started a marketing company for health & wellness businesses. I worked from home and hired a nanny. It was the best of everything - I continued working and I could see my baby anytime I wanted. I could even still take her to classes and the park.

You sound smart, so you can also do freelance work while you build your business up. People on Fiverr and Upwork will pay $250 for a 1000 word blog post - with practice, you can write those in 30-60 minutes. Find a blog writing class, buy some blog templates, and start putting stuff out on Fiverr.

[Anonymous]

Probably depends on your field. I was told it was impossible in my field, ended up taking 7 years off, and here I am now, exactly where I left off in my career. You might get shot down a few times, which is something I wasn't used to. It probably helps that I had a pretty stellar CV.