Feel like the choice is binary re: whether to work or not after baby is born
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Anonymous
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Hello. I am pregnant with my third child, my first with my husband (I have two bio kids from a previous marriage). I've worked hard to get where I am in my career but I'm only a few years in - late bloomer - and feel terrified about the choices in front of me.
Out of necessity, I put my two older children in daycare so I could work when I left my former spouse. It was not my preference, but I had to work. I'm in a very different situation now in that my husband makes plenty of money to support us, and I don't have to work, and I would LIKE to take 1-2 years off to be with my baby. However, I've read so many horror stories about women being unable to reenter the workforce, or reentering at a much lower rank/pay that it's hardly worth it. I am a technical individual contributor with an MBA (I work in IT). I'm also turning 37. I'm terrified of leaving the workforce but also really would like to stay home with my baby for their first year or two. Is leaving the workforce a true career death knell? Please talk me off the ledge. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| I did just that and will be honest it was HARD to re-enter through workforce. I accepted a job after about 20 months of searching. No matter how “family friendly” an employer is, they do not want to hear that you took time off for your kids. Keeping up with contractual work on the side was really important to getting the interviews, and ultimate offer, that I got. I would not take the time off completely, line up some clients in advance that you can work with part time. |
Anonymous
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Curious, you think you're entitled to same pay/position aftet leaving the work force and then re-entering 2+ yrs later ?? Sorry, FMLA doesn't last that long.
Time stops for no one. You step out, someone will fill in. |
Anonymous
| Of course the labor market could change and it’s industry specific, but don’t see how taking one or two years off could be that much of a derailment. The problem is that I don’t know any women who limited the break to 1 or 2 years. Everyone I know who quit their job ended up staying out for many years while having subsequent kids. They often had a reason they couldn’t return to work, but it sounded a bit of an excuse to me. |
Anonymous
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Sorry but the choice is binary. Most choices are like that. If you choose one, the other goes away.
Only you can know what you want to do. I think most women would love to stay home for a year or two and then be able to easily pick back up. I'm a fed and no way would I be able to get my job back. I'm in a niche area and job openings are so rare. |
Anonymous
| OP, I am also in IT and I am not taking 1-2 years off with my babies because I'm terrified I won't be able to get back in after a break. My feeling is that IT does lend itself to career gaps and my partner doesn't make enough to support us long-term (if I took time off we would largely be living on my savings). So I'm sticking it out. I negotiated six months leave for my second kid and I still am sad to send him to daycare. If you would be happy coming back to the workforce in a different, potentially lower-paying job I think 1-2 years SAHM isn't an issue but I don't know if it would be possible to come back to something male-dominated that values freshness of training above long experience like tech. If you were able to keep your training and certs up and learn new technologies while at home maybe it would be fine but I know for myself caring for babies/young children is all consuming and I don't want to be thinking about (and have no energy to think about) AWS in parallel. So that wouldn't work for me. |
Anonymous
| OP, I am also in IT and I am not taking 1-2 years off with my babies because I'm terrified I won't be able to get back in after a break. My feeling is that IT does NOT lend itself to career gaps and my partner doesn't make enough to support us long-term (if I took time off we would largely be living on my savings). So I'm sticking it out. I negotiated six months leave for my second kid and I still am sad to send him to daycare. If you would be happy coming back to the workforce in a different, potentially lower-paying job I think 1-2 years SAHM isn't an issue but I don't know if it would be possible to come back to something male-dominated that values freshness of training above long experience like tech. If you were able to keep your training and certs up and learn new technologies while at home maybe it would be fine but I know for myself caring for babies/young children is all consuming and I don't want to be thinking about (and have no energy to think about) AWS in parallel. So that wouldn't work for me. |
Anonymous
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I'm sure it varies by industry but I don't think a 1-2 year break is a career killer. To be more confident, could you have the option to do some occasional freelance work, either for your current employer or others you know?
That's what I did for 7 years and had no trouble returning to a full time job at the same level that I left. Maybe some might see me as "behind" in the sense that I wasn't advancing up the ladder during those years. But I don't really want that. I loved my time at home and I liked keeping a hand in my career in a way that worked around my life. |
Anonymous
OP, I absolutely despise people like this PP. They have some weird vendetta against moms in the workplace. I’ve found it’s usually women 40+ who mommy-tracked themselves and are angry that, in 2022, many employers are FINALLY catching on to the importance of having women on their team - and yes, most women are moms. Or they’re similarly a miserable old man who either has no wife or daughters, or is a terrible husband and #girldad. There should be more than FMLA available to moms so the fact that PP is using FMLA as the benchmark of what you deserve is frankly disgusting. |
Anonymous
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IT is one of the few positions where you might be able to convert to part time during your child's younger years and still stay current enough to resume at the same level. You need to talk to your employer and your HR. I work in government contracting in IT and we've had a number of people, mostly women, but a few men, who have cut back to part-time for 1-3 years and then returned to the workforce full-time with no issues. The only issue is that part-timers get lower annual increases because they are hourly rather than salaried. But I've seen people who have moved to part-time for children, elder care, personal health reasons and so on. They work 2-5 days (one person worked 2 days a week, another worked every afternoon and had a sitter for 4-5 hours each afternoon, another went to part-time telework from another state) and converted from salaried to hourly. But the ones that returned to work full-time, essentially returned to where they were when they left. The key was to keep working.
Yes, if you actually leave the work-force for several years, it can be difficult to return to the level you were at on your return. |
Anonymous
It’s not an excuse, they just want to stay home. I’ve stayed home since my oldest was born 10 years ago. DH and I agreed before we were engaged that when we had kids, I’d be home permanently. I never claimed to want to rejoin the work force. |
Anonymous
^^Is this Op? |
Anonymous
Nope. I’m 40 and married to my DH—the father of all of my children. |
Anonymous
| You need to discuss this with people in your industry who are familiar with your exact position. |
Anonymous
| You’ll never get those years with your babies back. |