Is your private school child more refined?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell the difference between a private school kid and a public school kid, regardless of HHI, in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5. There is always a tell and it has to do with manners, confidence, speech, dress and behavior. Anyone who has spent enough time on top tier privates can do the same. It’s just something private school kids have that public school kids don’t.

My public school kid played high-level travel sports with a lot of WCAC kids. They were in our house frequently, and their families hosted DS, and they got along well. The kids were all well-mannered, respectful toward adults, and empathetic toward other kids' family/economic situations. This was actually kind of a core value of their group. In terms of the team, travel was mostly paid by sponsors and any remaining expenses were picked up for the team by families who could afford it, so cost to the kids was minimal. Socially, our kid invited friends to our lake house or our cabin in the mountains and private school peers invited kids to their beach houses, but they were sensitive to not suggest activities that kids without money couldn't do. When families hosted kids, the families paid and organized transportation, so no one was left out because they couldn't pay. This was taken for granted by all the kids/families.

Since starting at a highly selective, wealthy SLAC, DC has come to despise many of his classmates who are alums of private high schools in NY or CA because of an extreme lack of empathy. Kids do things like mocking kids on work-study or mocking kids who have to take out loans. It's pretty appalling. We're DC middle class, so we don't move a lot in wealthy circles, but in my limited experience, this sort of contempt for others based on money is not something I've seen among wealthy people in SC where I grew up or in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell the difference between a private school kid and a public school kid, regardless of HHI, in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5. There is always a tell and it has to do with manners, confidence, speech, dress and behavior. Anyone who has spent enough time on top tier privates can do the same. It’s just something private school kids have that public school kids don’t.

You are probably wrong half the time.

[Anonymous]

Lmao no

[Anonymous]

Yes, MY private school children are more refined. I don't think it's because of the private school though. I think it's because of their parents.

[Anonymous]

This thread is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I think a lot depends on the kid. Ours started in public, then went private in 4th (at a "Big 3," if it matters). In US now.

I agree with the comments people have made about the different sorts of parents we've encountered, and the privileged experiences private kids, on the whole, are likelier to experience. But our family is middle class, though we budget for as many of the privileged experiences as we can, and I think our kid has a much more "enriched" life that I'd ever have imagined for myself growing up. For all of that, though, I don't think DC is any different now, for having been exposed to a different set of kids, than before.

If anything, DC is just a lot more aware of privilege and what s/he does & doesn't have, both in terms of material things and in terms of social graces. But it hasn't "rubbed off" in any way. S/he is still as awkward and socially introverted as ever. S/he's had much practice, both in public and private school, with public speaking, but really doesn't manage casual conversation well. (We're a family of introverts...it's just difficult. I don't fault the schools.)

Still, s/he's always been a "good" kid, and that hasn't changed in either direction for having moved from public to private.

Send her to cotillion, like many other private school parents do. Literally they teach social graces.

[Anonymous]

I do not send my children to private to have them taught manners, decency and empathy for others. Or genuine service and awareness for others.

The school they attend underscores what I taught them. Not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I notice is that in general, kids from private schools are more comfortable talking to adults they don't know. I see this in my daughter and her friends.

I attended a party recently that had a mixture of families and included MS and HS aged kids from both public and private (Catholic) schools. I found the kids from public school to be acting entitled and not interested in engaging in any conversation with adults. The private school kids were much more polite and were able to converse in a mature fashion.

What a load of BS.

[Anonymous]

I think this is true for some schools STA/Sidwell/NCS and Maret. (I see kids from several schools because of club sports.) There are probably three or four other schools where Kids are either less polite or actually kinda rude. They don’t say hello or goodbye, please or thank you. They don’t look you in the eye. Kids from one school are particularly lacking. This is most apparent before they get to know you. Some kids warm up after a few meetings.
Here is what we taught our kids.
Look adults in the eye
Firm hand shake
Please and thank you
Say hello and goodbye
Make your bed when you are an overnight guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I notice is that in general, kids from private schools are more comfortable talking to adults they don't know. I see this in my daughter and her friends.

I attended a party recently that had a mixture of families and included MS and HS aged kids from both public and private (Catholic) schools. I found the kids from public school to be acting entitled and not interested in engaging in any conversation with adults. The private school kids were much more polite and were able to converse in a mature fashion.

What a load of BS.

No. Not the PP. But this is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Some NYC kids are well mannered. Some are literally the worst. Lacrosse parents from NJ, Long Island and Baltimore should not be allowed out of their cages.

[Anonymous]

It’s a reflection of social class. Not public versus private. You’d find just as many impressive kids at a public school in a wealthy part of Connecticut as you would at a private school in DC where anyone with wealth sends their kids to private out of necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a reflection of social class. Not public versus private. You’d find just as many impressive kids at a public school in a wealthy part of Connecticut as you would at a private school in DC where anyone with wealth sends their kids to private out of necessity.

Fairfield County is ground zero for entitled kids. Wilton, New Canaan and Darien Ct are populated by drunk,drug using teens who honk while driving on the wrong side of the street and fire golf balls from their lawns at passing cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell the difference between a private school kid and a public school kid, regardless of HHI, in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5. There is always a tell and it has to do with manners, confidence, speech, dress and behavior. Anyone who has spent enough time on top tier privates can do the same. It’s just something private school kids have that public school kids don’t.

My kids are quiet and not gabbing with adults like they are mini adults. So maybe you couldn't tell in less than 10 mins.

Oh but I could. There are many other tells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell the difference between a private school kid and a public school kid, regardless of HHI, in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5. There is always a tell and it has to do with manners, confidence, speech, dress and behavior. Anyone who has spent enough time on top tier privates can do the same. It’s just something private school kids have that public school kids don’t.

My kids are quiet and not gabbing with adults like they are mini adults. So maybe you couldn't tell in less than 10 mins.

Oh but I could. There are many other tells.

I could tell by your first post that you are beyond clueless. Your post was quite a tell.