Reimbursement

[Anonymous]

They can have a room in the basement they somehow lose all of their money. That’s all I can afford. As it is, they are wealthy and haven’t shared much since I left the house. They gave me a very good start. But it’s been many many years of me earning my own keep and supporting my own family since then. That’s how it goes. My child may not get such a good start—things have changed quite a bit in one generation. I don’t think my parents quite grasp it.

[Anonymous]

Also, my mom hasn’t had a job since the day before she got married, while my husband and I both work full time to support our family. How is it fair that we be expected to “reimburse” her when she never even supported herself? I would do it if I had to, but luckily dad made enough money to fund their retirement and take care of her if he passes first.

All to this talk about what kids owe their parents is depressing. If anything I owe my kid everything because I chose to bring him into this world. Your kids are your responsibility not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

My parents particularly my mother has always made it clear that the expectation is that I pay them back for what they spent on my post high school education IF they need it.

As it is they are in their mid eighties and still considerably wealthier than I am so probably will not need financial support from me (I could not pay them back in a lump sum still actually paying off the loans I took out) but I absolutely would feel obligated to help them financially if they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents particularly my mother has always made it clear that the expectation is that I pay them back for what they spent on my post high school education IF they need it.

As it is they are in their mid eighties and still considerably wealthier than I am so probably will not need financial support from me (I could not pay them back in a lump sum still actually paying off the loans I took out) but I absolutely would feel obligated to help them financially if they did.

I think the fact that they lived into their eighties should be good enough for them. Most people don't live nearly that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my mom hasn’t had a job since the day before she got married, while my husband and I both work full time to support our family. How is it fair that we be expected to “reimburse” her when she never even supported herself? I would do it if I had to, but luckily dad made enough money to fund their retirement and take care of her if he passes first.

All to this talk about what kids owe their parents is depressing. If anything I owe my kid everything because I chose to bring him into this world. Your kids are your responsibility not the other way around.

Looks like you don’t even feel you owe your parents love. Your post is depressing. Families help each other among all generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, my mom hasn’t had a job since the day before she got married, while my husband and I both work full time to support our family. How is it fair that we be expected to “reimburse” her when she never even supported herself? I would do it if I had to, but luckily dad made enough money to fund their retirement and take care of her if he passes first.

All to this talk about what kids owe their parents is depressing. If anything I owe my kid everything because I chose to bring him into this world. Your kids are your responsibility not the other way around.

Looks like you don’t even feel you owe your parents love. Your post is depressing. Families help each other among all generations.

Love isn’t about what you owe anyone. So you’re right. I do love them though. That doesn’t mean I owe them financial support in retirement. They have made their own decisions to plan for that and they’ll be fine. As they should have!! My husband I are funding our retirement because we love our son and don’t want him burdened with us when he’s making his own family. Paying for college but failing to save for the future is pretty insane. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, my mom hasn’t had a job since the day before she got married, while my husband and I both work full time to support our family. How is it fair that we be expected to “reimburse” her when she never even supported herself? I would do it if I had to, but luckily dad made enough money to fund their retirement and take care of her if he passes first.

All to this talk about what kids owe their parents is depressing. If anything I owe my kid everything because I chose to bring him into this world. Your kids are your responsibility not the other way around.

Looks like you don’t even feel you owe your parents love. Your post is depressing. Families help each other among all generations.

Love isn’t about what you owe anyone. So you’re right. I do love them though. That doesn’t mean I owe them financial support in retirement. They have made their own decisions to plan for that and they’ll be fine. As they should have!! My husband I are funding our retirement because we love our son and don’t want him burdened with us when he’s making his own family. Paying for college but failing to save for the future is pretty insane. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

So... They shouldn't have paid for college so you should pay it back.

[Anonymous]

Our parents had the option of not bringing us into the world if they didn't want to make so many sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your parents set you up pretty well in life and you are now looking for reassurance that it's okay to not assist them in their final years. Now maybe you are justified in not helping them -- for example, if you are experiencing financial hardship yourself or they blew all their money gambling. It sounds like you view the relationship as transactional because you are referring to the ideas as "reimbursement."

My parents did not have the means to pay for my education, let alone buy me a house. I make a reasonable salary as a Fed but am certainly not wealthy. But I can't imagine not assisting, within my means, if needed. (And I have.) They never asked, but there have been times where help as needed.

You are not obligated to help, and we don't know your circumstances. But if you are comfortable financially, I can't understand not being there for a parent in need.

What if the OP's mother is over 80 and/or the OP's father is over 75? Shouldn't it be good enough for them that they've lived way longer than most people?

What is your point? Are they supposed to off themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your parents set you up pretty well in life and you are now looking for reassurance that it's okay to not assist them in their final years. Now maybe you are justified in not helping them -- for example, if you are experiencing financial hardship yourself or they blew all their money gambling. It sounds like you view the relationship as transactional because you are referring to the ideas as "reimbursement."

My parents did not have the means to pay for my education, let alone buy me a house. I make a reasonable salary as a Fed but am certainly not wealthy. But I can't imagine not assisting, within my means, if needed. (And I have.) They never asked, but there have been times where help as needed.

You are not obligated to help, and we don't know your circumstances. But if you are comfortable financially, I can't understand not being there for a parent in need.

What if the OP's mother is over 80 and/or the OP's father is over 75? Shouldn't it be good enough for them that they've lived way longer than most people?

So you want your parents to kill themselves at 75/80? if they don’t commit suicide they should become unhoused if they can’t support themselves? I’m Caribbean we take care of our elders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your parents set you up pretty well in life and you are now looking for reassurance that it's okay to not assist them in their final years. Now maybe you are justified in not helping them -- for example, if you are experiencing financial hardship yourself or they blew all their money gambling. It sounds like you view the relationship as transactional because you are referring to the ideas as "reimbursement."

My parents did not have the means to pay for my education, let alone buy me a house. I make a reasonable salary as a Fed but am certainly not wealthy. But I can't imagine not assisting, within my means, if needed. (And I have.) They never asked, but there have been times where help as needed.

You are not obligated to help, and we don't know your circumstances. But if you are comfortable financially, I can't understand not being there for a parent in need.

What if the OP's mother is over 80 and/or the OP's father is over 75? Shouldn't it be good enough for them that they've lived way longer than most people?

So you want your parents to kill themselves at 75/80? if they don’t commit suicide they should become unhoused if they can’t support themselves? I’m Caribbean we take care of our elders.

If I planned on still being alive on having a high quality life at 75, this would be a really harsh and hypocritical view point for me to have. As it is, I plan on being dead by my 75th birthday.

[Anonymous]

No.
If it was that conditional then I'm sure some will not want your support. Reminder you gave birth to someone on this hellish earth.. a good reminder that what you do for your child is your duty to do so.

But morally: You'd think yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your parents set you up pretty well in life and you are now looking for reassurance that it's okay to not assist them in their final years. Now maybe you are justified in not helping them -- for example, if you are experiencing financial hardship yourself or they blew all their money gambling. It sounds like you view the relationship as transactional because you are referring to the ideas as "reimbursement."

My parents did not have the means to pay for my education, let alone buy me a house. I make a reasonable salary as a Fed but am certainly not wealthy. But I can't imagine not assisting, within my means, if needed. (And I have.) They never asked, but there have been times where help as needed.

You are not obligated to help, and we don't know your circumstances. But if you are comfortable financially, I can't understand not being there for a parent in need.

What if the OP's mother is over 80 and/or the OP's father is over 75? Shouldn't it be good enough for them that they've lived way longer than most people?

So you want your parents to kill themselves at 75/80? if they don’t commit suicide they should become unhoused if they can’t support themselves? I’m Caribbean we take care of our elders.

If I planned on still being alive on having a high quality life at 75, this would be a really harsh and hypocritical view point for me to have. As it is, I plan on being dead by my 75th birthday.

That's fine and your choice, but what does that have to do with others' choices and situations? Are you suggesting that people put their parents on ice floes when they reach 75?

[Anonymous]

I doubt my family would have paid for my higher education if they couldn't afford their own lives.

[Anonymous]

With normal, kind parents sure. With selfish parents who didn’t save at all? No. They are literally taking dollars away from their grandkids. I believe money should flow downhill.