Would you make siblings attend brother’s band concert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t care if my kids went or not. If they’re busy with other things, it’s fine to miss. But if they aren’t busy and aren’t old enough to stay home alone then they need to go.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

If the kid had the flu I assume you wouldn't be saying that.

This is the problem with AMERICA, we just teach it to our kids young in the form of sports so then they don't question it when they can't get leave to go to their sister's wedding, or force themselves to come into the office 3 weeks after having a baby.

You can love and be committed to something while also maintaining a life and relationships outside of that thing. Whether its sports, or a job. Of course the default should be to attend practice and games when possible. Just like the default is to attend school. But when a once in a lifetime family vacation comes along, its ok to miss a week. When your brother is showcasing all his hard work for the year in a show, its ok to miss a practice.

I think everyone has said that if there were two events of simultaneous import happening that that would be reason to split the parents.

And in a loving family where there is a long history of showing up for one another, splitting up once or twice due to conflicts isn't a big deal and won't hurt feelings. The problem is when one kid's thing is deemed 'MOST IMPORTANT' and another kid always runs second shrift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

If the kid had the flu I assume you wouldn't be saying that.

This is the problem with AMERICA, we just teach it to our kids young in the form of sports so then they don't question it when they can't get leave to go to their sister's wedding, or force themselves to come into the office 3 weeks after having a baby.

You can love and be committed to something while also maintaining a life and relationships outside of that thing. Whether its sports, or a job. Of course the default should be to attend practice and games when possible. Just like the default is to attend school. But when a once in a lifetime family vacation comes along, its ok to miss a week. When your brother is showcasing all his hard work for the year in a show, its ok to miss a practice.

I think everyone has said that if there were two events of simultaneous import happening that that would be reason to split the parents.

And in a loving family where there is a long history of showing up for one another, splitting up once or twice due to conflicts isn't a big deal and won't hurt feelings. The problem is when one kid's thing is deemed 'MOST IMPORTANT' and another kid always runs second shrift.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but what does the flu have to do with this? OP's kid does not have the flu.

This isn't a wedding. It's a bad concert. OP still hasn't said what grade level the concert is, but as a parent of 4-whose kids have all played instruments in school, anything under high school level is pretty damn painful to listen to.

[Anonymous]

^ that was actually supposed ot say "it's a band concert" but "it's a bad concert" fits too.

[Anonymous]

At that age, I don't think they all need to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our public school has a band concert. One child is young (preschool) and other child has sports.

Would you attend the concert as a family?
Or just have one parent attend the concert while one parent takes other child to sport?

Before Covid, we absolutely always attended concerts and recitals.

As long as the middle kid doesn't have to attend sports that the other kid is in Either all in and be a supportive family or not. But, this is why the middle kid gets the short end of the stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

If the kid had the flu I assume you wouldn't be saying that.

This is the problem with AMERICA, we just teach it to our kids young in the form of sports so then they don't question it when they can't get leave to go to their sister's wedding, or force themselves to come into the office 3 weeks after having a baby.

You can love and be committed to something while also maintaining a life and relationships outside of that thing. Whether its sports, or a job. Of course the default should be to attend practice and games when possible. Just like the default is to attend school. But when a once in a lifetime family vacation comes along, its ok to miss a week. When your brother is showcasing all his hard work for the year in a show, its ok to miss a practice.

I think everyone has said that if there were two events of simultaneous import happening that that would be reason to split the parents.

And in a loving family where there is a long history of showing up for one another, splitting up once or twice due to conflicts isn't a big deal and won't hurt feelings. The problem is when one kid's thing is deemed 'MOST IMPORTANT' and another kid always runs second shrift.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but what does the flu have to do with this? OP's kid does not have the flu.

This isn't a wedding. It's a bad concert. OP still hasn't said what grade level the concert is, but as a parent of 4-whose kids have all played instruments in school, anything under high school level is pretty damn painful to listen to.

Of course its not the best concert in the world, but its something the kid has worked hard on for months. And you don't get to jazz ensemble soloist until you do all these 4th grade concerts.

If I judged whether I would go to a kid's activity based on my own enjoyment of the activity I wouldn't go to ANY kid's activities, I would stay at home and watch netflix. You go to a family member's 'important event' because you are showing them support. I find sports games to be INCREDIBLY boring, but if my kid gets into some sport really obsessively, I'll be there, showing them the love for working hard at their passion.

I just brought up the flu because it is an example of how we expect people to not EVER 'miss' something (day of work/school/sports practice/whatever) for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Is the sports event a practice, a single game or a tournament?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

Girl, please. I have slogged through the wind, rain, and heat for travel baseball. I have scored, and my DH has coached, HUNDREDS of baseball games. I have scored games in rain and hail. When kids on our team need a ride, they call us. Because…we are ALWAYS there. So anyone who has a problem with my family attending a band concert can suck it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

Girl, please. I have slogged through the wind, rain, and heat for travel baseball. I have scored, and my DH has coached, HUNDREDS of baseball games. I have scored games in rain and hail. When kids on our team need a ride, they call us. Because…we are ALWAYS there. So anyone who has a problem with my family attending a band concert can suck it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

If the kid had the flu I assume you wouldn't be saying that.

This is the problem with AMERICA, we just teach it to our kids young in the form of sports so then they don't question it when they can't get leave to go to their sister's wedding, or force themselves to come into the office 3 weeks after having a baby.

You can love and be committed to something while also maintaining a life and relationships outside of that thing. Whether its sports, or a job. Of course the default should be to attend practice and games when possible. Just like the default is to attend school. But when a once in a lifetime family vacation comes along, its ok to miss a week. When your brother is showcasing all his hard work for the year in a show, its ok to miss a practice.

I think everyone has said that if there were two events of simultaneous import happening that that would be reason to split the parents.

And in a loving family where there is a long history of showing up for one another, splitting up once or twice due to conflicts isn't a big deal and won't hurt feelings. The problem is when one kid's thing is deemed 'MOST IMPORTANT' and another kid always runs second shrift.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but what does the flu have to do with this? OP's kid does not have the flu.

This isn't a wedding. It's a bad concert. OP still hasn't said what grade level the concert is, but as a parent of 4-whose kids have all played instruments in school, anything under high school level is pretty damn painful to listen to.

Of course its not the best concert in the world, but its something the kid has worked hard on for months. And you don't get to jazz ensemble soloist until you do all these 4th grade concerts.

If I judged whether I would go to a kid's activity based on my own enjoyment of the activity I wouldn't go to ANY kid's activities, I would stay at home and watch netflix. You go to a family member's 'important event' because you are showing them support. I find sports games to be INCREDIBLY boring, but if my kid gets into some sport really obsessively, I'll be there, showing them the love for working hard at their passion.

I just brought up the flu because it is an example of how we expect people to not EVER 'miss' something (day of work/school/sports practice/whatever) for any reason.

In 4th grade? No, they have not "worked hard." They meet once or twice a week for half an hour with a teacher that travels to several different elementary schools. It's a fun diversion from regular class. If that is "working hard" than you have questionable work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends a lot on how important the instrument is to the kid. My middle kid never practices and is not heavily invested. I would not make other kids miss activities for that.
Also, I will say that if my MS kid’s team had to forfeit (or lost because they didn’t have subs) because his teammate was attending his 4th grade brother’s band concert…I would be a little irritated.

Sorry, but I don’t care if you are irritated, and I have two kids who play travel sports. Supporting family members during a ONCE A YEAR concert, even if it’s 4th grade, is more important than a middle school sports game. But we specifically chose a team where the games aren’t more important than the rest of your life.

I'd hope the coach would remove him from the team--especially if it's a travel team or other team that you have to try out for.

-Not the pp you quoted.

For missing one practice/game to support a sibling’s once per year concert? You all are nuts. This is what’s wrong with youth sports (and the parents), and we are deep in it. We don’t play with people who do not value family, so I am not worried about getting kicked off a team for missing a game or a practice to support a sibling.

I have never known a middle school band program with a single concert a year.

A travel game, and a practice are two totally separate things. Missing a travel game, where other kids' experience is impacted is no different than pulling your instrumentalist, particularly if they are the only kid on that instrument from one of the.2 - 4 concerts an elementary school band would have, to watch their sibling's once a year sports final.

Either way, it shows a lack of commitment to the program.

If the kid had the flu I assume you wouldn't be saying that.

This is the problem with AMERICA, we just teach it to our kids young in the form of sports so then they don't question it when they can't get leave to go to their sister's wedding, or force themselves to come into the office 3 weeks after having a baby.

You can love and be committed to something while also maintaining a life and relationships outside of that thing. Whether its sports, or a job. Of course the default should be to attend practice and games when possible. Just like the default is to attend school. But when a once in a lifetime family vacation comes along, its ok to miss a week. When your brother is showcasing all his hard work for the year in a show, its ok to miss a practice.

I think everyone has said that if there were two events of simultaneous import happening that that would be reason to split the parents.

And in a loving family where there is a long history of showing up for one another, splitting up once or twice due to conflicts isn't a big deal and won't hurt feelings. The problem is when one kid's thing is deemed 'MOST IMPORTANT' and another kid always runs second shrift.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but what does the flu have to do with this? OP's kid does not have the flu.

This isn't a wedding. It's a bad concert. OP still hasn't said what grade level the concert is, but as a parent of 4-whose kids have all played instruments in school, anything under high school level is pretty damn painful to listen to.

Of course its not the best concert in the world, but its something the kid has worked hard on for months. And you don't get to jazz ensemble soloist until you do all these 4th grade concerts.

If I judged whether I would go to a kid's activity based on my own enjoyment of the activity I wouldn't go to ANY kid's activities, I would stay at home and watch netflix. You go to a family member's 'important event' because you are showing them support. I find sports games to be INCREDIBLY boring, but if my kid gets into some sport really obsessively, I'll be there, showing them the love for working hard at their passion.

I just brought up the flu because it is an example of how we expect people to not EVER 'miss' something (day of work/school/sports practice/whatever) for any reason.

In 4th grade? No, they have not "worked hard." They meet once or twice a week for half an hour with a teacher that travels to several different elementary schools. It's a fun diversion from regular class. If that is "working hard" than you have questionable work ethic.

Wow you are a good parent! (sarcasm!)

They're working hard on it! For THEM! My neighbor, an 8 year old who had kind of an absent dad invited me to his 2nd grade choral concert. Was it good? No. Did he put an Olympic number of hours into it? No. Did he FEEL like he worked hard and want the people he cared about who had a role in his life to show up? Yes.

These things matter, you're fooling yourself if you think they do not.