Did you go through a goth or punk phase? Please help me understand the aesthetic - more inside

[Anonymous]

I was Riot Grrrl like Bikini Kill, Avril Livigne, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was Riot Grrrl like Bikini Kill, Avril Livigne, etc.

Wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was Riot Grrrl like Bikini Kill, Avril Livigne, etc.

Wut

+1. Please do not put these two in the same sentence.

[Anonymous]

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I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

Punk lawyers here. I modeled in college so I was considered conventionally attractive. Punk is/should be super inclusive.

Funny; I ended up a lawyer too.

Never modeled, but along the way I dated 2 women who were college art class models.

Do your colleagues ask you why you dress so formally?
I wear really nice shirts to cover my sleeve tattoos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

Punk lawyers here. I modeled in college so I was considered conventionally attractive. Punk is/should be super inclusive.

Funny; I ended up a lawyer too.

Never modeled, but along the way I dated 2 women who were college art class models.

Do your colleagues ask you why you dress so formally?
I wear really nice shirts to cover my sleeve tattoos.

I suspect I’m older than you. No tats, but tons of different piercings back in the day (some of them done with a hat pin). From all the shows in DC & Baltimore (mostly, The Loft) I drifted into the road-racing motorcycle scene - and naturally gravitated toward the race team Army of Darkness; hung out at The Crow Bar, the old 15 minutes, Red, etc. A few people in the office know about my racing past (and they think it was crazy and reckless), but not my punk past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was Riot Grrrl like Bikini Kill, Avril Livigne, etc.

Wut

+1. Please do not put these two in the same sentence.

+2

[Anonymous]

Nostalgia aside (and it has been fun to reminisce),

OP mentioned suicidal ideation. That is a problem.

Previously mentioned Morrissey (whose now ancient) and I doubt anyone still listens to his music.

But he was sometimes known as morbid Morrissey- and there were very dark references is many of his songs.

Emo is, today, filled with many of the same suicidal imagery.

Tell me what you think after watching this video by Lil’ Peep (who OD’d - possibly intentionally); he previously dated Bella Thorne:

[Anonymous]

Here is the video:

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40s and love a little victorian goth. But I would never dare dress like that - it's not how I usually dress. I just scroll online.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The above suggestions are kind of funny to me.

My mother took my goth phase in style - I could wear black lipstick (actually for me it was extreme black eye makeup) when I was not with her or the grandparents. So, fine for school. Same for the "weird" clothes - no fishnets at Sunday dinner at Grammys.

I grew out of it in about 4 years. She DID like the fact that all the thrifting was very cheap!

I know now that I was depressed, but I think that the mild push back from her was actually better than just accepting my rebellion - kept it in perspective. I met great friends during that time period.

An added bonus from a parent's view, is that most of them were straight edge. The parties I went to as a more "normal" teen with the jocks and the popular kids were filled with booze and drugs.

+100 hahaha I hung out with the straight edge kids too and ironically we were the good ones

My friends and I were riot grrrls and didn't give into sex pressure to be sexually active because we knew we controlled our bodies and sought out partners who respected us

Straight edge - for those unfamiliar - means absolutely no drugs or alcohol polluting your body. Not a terrible outlook for a teen! Have only heard the term straightedge among punk friends.

BTW - skinhead does NOT universally mean racist; i knew numerous Black and brown skin skinheads, and it’s roots lie in early Ska music (ie Gwen Stefanni) culture.

JESUS WEPT

I stayed in this thread to post pretty much the same thing. Gwen Stefani (and you probably mean No Doubt really because her solo stuff is no where near it) is NOT early ska. Desmond Dekker, The Skatalites etc. are early ska. 1st wave in fact. Then came the second wave (The Specials, The Selecter etc.) and so on. No Doubt... no. They don't make any waves on the ska scale.

But yes, there are non-racist skinheads (Google SHARPS for example).

I was a goth/new wave/punk kid. I still wear all black. Still listen to goth (old and new) and all of the music I grew up listening to in the 70's and 80's and then the 90's, 2000's to today (gasp, I still listen to new music and see concerts). I'm a successful Vice President. Dressing "goth" does not mean your kid is depressed, suicidal or an outcast - this thread however is depressing with all of it's if your kid doesnt look like a jock or cheerleader there is something wrong nonsense. Some kids just don't want to march to the beat of anyone else's drum from the music they listen to, to the way they dress.

Now if your child is suicidal or depressed (and NO listening to The Cure doesn't automatically mean they're depressed) it shouldn't matter if they're wearing a pink top or a black one. Get them help.

Yes, all of this. I tried to go a Dead Can Dance concert awhile back that was cancelled. I’m a successful c-suite exec myself and also all in black still.

[Anonymous]

I want to have a meet up with some of you! And so many former goth attorneys… amazing.

[Anonymous]

Right now there is a trend on tiktok where women reminisce about how they listened to Marina's song "suicidal" as adolescents, and it seems like it either made them romanticize depression or it was a cry for help that their parents didn't recognize.

I am in favor of dressing like a goth, (and that song is amazing), but it's just bad parenting to refuse to engage with a potential warning sign just because you don't want to seem judgmental. Obviously goth doesn't = depressed but sometimes it does. And be grateful, really, it's worse when kids are depressed and they give you no indications whatsoever that they are. I think most kids need more mental health care than their parents realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now there is a trend on tiktok where women reminisce about how they listened to Marina's song "suicidal" as adolescents, and it seems like it either made them romanticize depression or it was a cry for help that their parents didn't recognize.

I am in favor of dressing like a goth, (and that song is amazing), but it's just bad parenting to refuse to engage with a potential warning sign just because you don't want to seem judgmental. Obviously goth doesn't = depressed but sometimes it does. And be grateful, really, it's worse when kids are depressed and they give you no indications whatsoever that they are. I think most kids need more mental health care than their parents realize.

Truth. My daughter started dressing more goth when she was experiencing suicidality, not the other way around. It stems for her from experiencing sexual assault that I didn't know about until later. I can now see that she was trying to look off limits and intimidating - and you know what? It worked.