Did you go through a goth or punk phase? Please help me understand the aesthetic - more inside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a teenage goth. Being able to express myself in that way was good for my mental health.

^^this 100%.

[Anonymous]

I was semi-punk/artsy. I found a good supportive community through these friends. Prior to that I was on high school sports teams which I felt were less good for my overall mental health as I was a bit more expressive and sensitive than the norm on the teams and didn't feel really part of that community despite always having been naturally athletic. On the teams there was a forced positivity that wasn't a good fit for me. I still ran/hiked on my own a lot after that as I had ADHD and needed the physical outlet. So on the surface I might have seemed to be a bit more depressed/angsty after the evolution to the new community, but inside I felt more aligned. I would say I encountered people with more trauma than me in this group than on the sports teams (or at least people willing to talk about their trauma) and I sometimes got drawn in. But overall I think the group made me more empathetic and in tune with myself.

[Anonymous]

By coincidence, yesterday’s Washington Post - Metro section - featured a memoir from a photographer of the punk movement : Jim Saah.

Might have to pick up his book

[Anonymous]

I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

This doesn't seem to be the case at my DD's school--she's in a 'edgy' group (not sure what to call it) and they are mainly fairly thin. Would definitely agree that it's the current go-to for LGTBQ+ though. Not sure about the $ angle. We could afford whatever--and DD doesn't want it. Her grandparents often gift her trendy/more costly items that she doesn't use/wear that I see the more conventional kids wearing at her school. Her closest friend in the group is very wealthy and is somewhat trying to hide that I think. DD could use braces, but we're still waiting for the orthodontist to say her teeth are ready for them. I think it's hard to make generalizations about groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

We all generalize and categorize- it’s part of the human experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By coincidence, yesterday’s Washington Post - Metro section - featured a memoir from a photographer of the punk movement : Jim Saah.

Might have to pick up his book

2/9 - Metro section.

[Anonymous]

I was heavily into punk in high school, and my mom being cool with it and “indulging” me (aka not shaming me and making me feel like crap) remains to this day one of the cornerstones of our close relationship. My mom is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

Punk lawyers here. I modeled in college so I was considered conventionally attractive. Punk is/should be super inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

Hey, go easy on the PP. As you can tell from their response, they’re doing the very best they can with what God has given them 😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think it is frequently a way of expressing yourself when your body doesn’t fit cheerleader/jock ideal. Frequently will see heavier girls dressing Goth or making other non-mainstream choices: Rockabilly, Cottagecore, etc. The guys tend to be very pale and slim. It seems like there is a lot of non-binary, sexual identity questioning in this group. I agree with the posters who mention not being able to afford “popular” clothes being drawn to this aesthetic; anecdotally, i have noticed a lot of these kids need braces and aren’t wearing them.

Um, okay.

Really can't generalize who picks goth or punk looks. However, if it helps to put people in categories and judge them for it, then go for it.

Punk lawyers here. I modeled in college so I was considered conventionally attractive. Punk is/should be super inclusive.

Funny; I ended up a lawyer too.

Never modeled, but along the way I dated 2 women who were college art class models.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely went through a goth phase in the 80s. Morrissey and the Cure were my favorites as well as other alternative bands. I dated a guy because the first time I met him, he was dressed like Michael Smith from the Cure (he was heading to a Cure concert).

I see goth and other styles as going through a phase; pushing against mainstream ideology. Finding a way to be different from the others who look exactly the same. I was not a girly girl, was not into girls (as friends) who were way into their looks and appearance because to me, that was very self centered and shallow. I was also attracted to the moodier, thinking-type of guy. Def not into the jocks or preppy guy in those days.

When I look back, yeah, maybe I was borderline depressed but I was a good kid, made good grades and appreciated people for who they were and not how they looked.

Robert Smith

[Anonymous]

For the adults who went through this:

- how many of you were told: “you think too much.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know anything about this, but I asked my daughter the other day how & why “Emo” kids become depressed (she had said they were), and she told me they start hanging out with other Emo kids who influence them into negative self thinking, they listen to depressing music, they stay in their bedrooms and don’t go outside a lot, they read depressing things on their phones, and don’t exercise. So, I don’t personally know…but just passing this on from an 8th grader’s perspective.

Depressing, pessimistic music definitely plays a part.

I listened to a lot of Morrissey in HS and undergrad. Too much of it.

Morrisey, The Cure, and many other artists/bands people find “depressing” saved me in adolescence. Music didn’t make me depressed, it made me feel better.