what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.

My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.

Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)

+1

You would be upset for 10 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.

My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.

Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)

Yeah, the FIL was right in this case. This is beyond crazy. I would never kick a guest out of my home even though they arrived 2 hours early. That was not petty. The FIL just realized what hateful undeserving people. I hope he left the money to strangers or distant relatives.

+2 I agree. I cannot imagine not letting my FIL in the house. That's crazy!!! Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the "crazy reason" is just the straw that broke the camel's back and not the full picture. There is usually a long period of erosion without repair and then that final incident breaks things.

Perfectly stated & 100% true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:

- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.

- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.

- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.

- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.

First off, your dad could have lost his license. You do NOT do counseling with family members. Totally unethical.

First off? Was there supposed to be more?

It’s legal to counsel family as long as you remain objective. You don’t lose a license over it.

It's a dual relationship and yes you can be sanctioned by your license board. Legal and ethical are one in the same. Perhaps it's legal, but it considered an ethics code violation.

Not the PP you're responding to, but you are making up so much poop it isn't even funny. First off, you said the dad could have lost his license. WRONG, not true. Then you said "Well, it's an ethics code violation".

Let's make this easy: go ahead and link to the ethics code you are referencing that says a family member cannot counsel another family member because it's an "Ethics code violation". Link to the ethics code you're referencing or we'll all know for sure that you are just making ish up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry-legal and ethical are not one in the same. No idea if legal, but definitely violates ethics code.

It seems like if you’re so sure of the ethics, you’d have an idea about the legality. It makes me wonder if you’re confusing ethics with your feelings, and in “it feels to me like it would be unethical to treat anyone you’re remotely related to.”

I have served on boards to review this. We review ethical guidelines. There is something called a "Dual Relationship" and what your father did falls under that. If anyone in the family reported him for this he could be subject to anything from a sanction to losing his license. You can lose your license for something that while legal, violates the ethical guidelines of your profession.

Ok, well you can help the "It's an ethical code violation" poster out (or you're that poster. Simply link to the ethical code of a state or municipality where this situation would make this something one could lose their license over. I really will believe if you post the code (with the cite of course, not just some language with no basis) so post the link to the actual code so we can see where it is.

[Anonymous]

One uncle was throwing a dinner party and my other uncle chose to bring McDonalds in a bag to the house instead of eating his BIL's cooking. Icy tension ever since. This was 11 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.

My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.

Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)

Yeah, the FIL was right in this case. This is beyond crazy. I would never kick a guest out of my home even though they arrived 2 hours early. That was not petty. The FIL just realized what hateful undeserving people. I hope he left the money to strangers or distant relatives.

Huh. My reaction was the opposite. You don't show up at someone's house TWO HOURS early. Nothing wrong with a coffee shop. Disinheriting is a WAY over reaction.

[Anonymous]

The craziest reason?

When great-aunt had a stroke after her one son killed the other, more successful one over jealous about his building their mom a mansion that then burned down from a lightning strike. It was the stroke part that was the last straw for her siblings.

Of course, some people reversed allegiance after her death, when we found the art deco era, black & white nude photos of her as an artist's model -- because we were a good Catholic family.

I sincerely s*** you not, hand on heart. Some 40+ years ago in flyover country. Drama, drama, drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "crazy reason" is just the straw that broke the camel's back and not the full picture. There is usually a long period of erosion without repair and then that final incident breaks things.

Perfectly stated & 100% true.

+10000

I assure you that true estrangement - not tiffs - does not happen for goofy reasons blown out of portion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:

- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.

- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.

- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.

- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.

First off, your dad could have lost his license. You do NOT do counseling with family members. Totally unethical.

First off? Was there supposed to be more?

It’s legal to counsel family as long as you remain objective. You don’t lose a license over it.

It's a dual relationship and yes you can be sanctioned by your license board. Legal and ethical are one in the same. Perhaps it's legal, but it considered an ethics code violation.

Not the PP you're responding to, but you are making up so much poop it isn't even funny. First off, you said the dad could have lost his license. WRONG, not true. Then you said "Well, it's an ethics code violation".

Let's make this easy: go ahead and link to the ethics code you are referencing that says a family member cannot counsel another family member because it's an "Ethics code violation". Link to the ethics code you're referencing or we'll all know for sure that you are just making ish up.

NP it's not a violation- I literally just finished a class in professional ethics for my MA in MFT. This person has no idea what they're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry-legal and ethical are not one in the same. No idea if legal, but definitely violates ethics code.

It seems like if you’re so sure of the ethics, you’d have an idea about the legality. It makes me wonder if you’re confusing ethics with your feelings, and in “it feels to me like it would be unethical to treat anyone you’re remotely related to.”

I have served on boards to review this. We review ethical guidelines. There is something called a "Dual Relationship" and what your father did falls under that. If anyone in the family reported him for this he could be subject to anything from a sanction to losing his license. You can lose your license for something that while legal, violates the ethical guidelines of your profession.

Ok, well you can help the "It's an ethical code violation" poster out (or you're that poster. Simply link to the ethical code of a state or municipality where this situation would make this something one could lose their license over. I really will believe if you post the code (with the cite of course, not just some language with no basis) so post the link to the actual code so we can see where it is.

NP. I'm a licensed clinic psychologist. It's is absolutely a violation of the ethics code for a psychologist to see a family member for counseling. 3.05 Multiple Relationships and also 3.06 Conflict of Interest.

My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

This is exactly why. Your dad was already an uncle. The nephew expected that relationship to take precedence in the counseling relationship. It did not, and the nephew felt hurt by that. Regardless of whether he was an abusive jerk, and regardless of whether your dad gave the "correct" advice, he never should have entered into that role in the first place. The nephews reactions was completely predictable, and there is no excuse for your dad doing it. The only times it's allowed is when the therapist provides a very specialized service AND it would create hardship for the client to try to find another therapist providing that same service AND the therapist takes great pains, such as seeking ongoing peer consultation, to make sure the relationship provides more help than harm to the client.

If this situation was brought before our ethics board, given what you have stated here, he would absolutely be sanctioned. It would depend on the specifics as to whether he would lose his license (I'm guessing no...that' usually more for people who sleep with clients)

Did you say you were a student? You still have a lot to learn.


https://www.apa.org/ethics/code

3.05 Multiple Relationships

(a) A multiple relationship occurs when a psychologist is in a professional role with a person and (1) at the same time is in another role with the same person, (2) at the same time is in a relationship with a person closely associated with or related to the person with whom the psychologist has the professional relationship, or (3) promises to enter into another relationship in the future with the person or a person closely associated with or related to the person.

A psychologist refrains from entering into a multiple relationship if the multiple relationship could reasonably be expected to impair the psychologist's objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing his or her functions as a psychologist, or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.

Multiple relationships that would not reasonably be expected to cause impairment or risk exploitation or harm are not unethical.

(b) If a psychologist finds that, due to unforeseen factors, a potentially harmful multiple relationship has arisen, the psychologist takes reasonable steps to resolve it with due regard for the best interests of the affected person and maximal compliance with the Ethics Code.

(c) When psychologists are required by law, institutional policy, or extraordinary circumstances to serve in more than one role in judicial or administrative proceedings, at the outset they clarify role expectations and the extent of confidentiality and thereafter as changes occur. (See also Standards 3.04, Avoiding Harm , and 3.07, Third-Party Requests for Services .)

3.06 Conflict of Interest
Psychologists refrain from taking on a professional role when personal, scientific, professional, legal, financial, or other interests or relationships could reasonably be expected to (1) impair their objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing their functions as psychologists or (2) expose the person or organization with whom the professional relationship exists to harm or exploitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.

My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.

Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)

So your husbands father showed up to your house two hours early and you made him leave? You actually may your parent leave because your baby wasn’t dressed and you weren’t done cooking what the f*** kind family mindset do you people have?
I cannot imagine my mother showing up at an inconvenient time and I tell her she has to leave for an hour because I’m cooking if my relationship is that f***** up I wouldn’t been inviting my parent in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.

My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.

Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)

Your CHILD’S HOUSE, YOUR CHILD!
If we have such a dysfunctional relationship that I cannot take an inconvenience then I should not invite them at all.
Yeah, the FIL was right in this case. This is beyond crazy. I would never kick a guest out of my home even though they arrived 2 hours early. That was not petty. The FIL just realized what hateful undeserving people. I hope he left the money to strangers or distant relatives.

Huh. My reaction was the opposite. You don't show up at someone's house TWO HOURS early. Nothing wrong with a coffee shop. Disinheriting is a WAY over reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry-legal and ethical are not one in the same. No idea if legal, but definitely violates ethics code.

It seems like if you’re so sure of the ethics, you’d have an idea about the legality. It makes me wonder if you’re confusing ethics with your feelings, and in “it feels to me like it would be unethical to treat anyone you’re remotely related to.”

I have served on boards to review this. We review ethical guidelines. There is something called a "Dual Relationship" and what your father did falls under that. If anyone in the family reported him for this he could be subject to anything from a sanction to losing his license. You can lose your license for something that while legal, violates the ethical guidelines of your profession.

Ok, well you can help the "It's an ethical code violation" poster out (or you're that poster. Simply link to the ethical code of a state or municipality where this situation would make this something one could lose their license over. I really will believe if you post the code (with the cite of course, not just some language with no basis) so post the link to the actual code so we can see where it is.

NP. I'm a licensed clinic psychologist. It's is absolutely a violation of the ethics code for a psychologist to see a family member for counseling. 3.05 Multiple Relationships and also 3.06 Conflict of Interest.

My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

This is exactly why. Your dad was already an uncle. The nephew expected that relationship to take precedence in the counseling relationship. It did not, and the nephew felt hurt by that. Regardless of whether he was an abusive jerk, and regardless of whether your dad gave the "correct" advice, he never should have entered into that role in the first place. The nephews reactions was completely predictable, and there is no excuse for your dad doing it. The only times it's allowed is when the therapist provides a very specialized service AND it would create hardship for the client to try to find another therapist providing that same service AND the therapist takes great pains, such as seeking ongoing peer consultation, to make sure the relationship provides more help than harm to the client.

If this situation was brought before our ethics board, given what you have stated here, he would absolutely be sanctioned. It would depend on the specifics as to whether he would lose his license (I'm guessing no...that' usually more for people who sleep with clients)

Did you say you were a student? You still have a lot to learn.


https://www.apa.org/ethics/code

3.05 Multiple Relationships

(a) A multiple relationship occurs when a psychologist is in a professional role with a person and (1) at the same time is in another role with the same person, (2) at the same time is in a relationship with a person closely associated with or related to the person with whom the psychologist has the professional relationship, or (3) promises to enter into another relationship in the future with the person or a person closely associated with or related to the person.

A psychologist refrains from entering into a multiple relationship if the multiple relationship could reasonably be expected to impair the psychologist's objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing his or her functions as a psychologist, or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.

Multiple relationships that would not reasonably be expected to cause impairment or risk exploitation or harm are not unethical.

(b) If a psychologist finds that, due to unforeseen factors, a potentially harmful multiple relationship has arisen, the psychologist takes reasonable steps to resolve it with due regard for the best interests of the affected person and maximal compliance with the Ethics Code.

(c) When psychologists are required by law, institutional policy, or extraordinary circumstances to serve in more than one role in judicial or administrative proceedings, at the outset they clarify role expectations and the extent of confidentiality and thereafter as changes occur. (See also Standards 3.04, Avoiding Harm , and 3.07, Third-Party Requests for Services .)

3.06 Conflict of Interest
Psychologists refrain from taking on a professional role when personal, scientific, professional, legal, financial, or other interests or relationships could reasonably be expected to (1) impair their objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing their functions as psychologists or (2) expose the person or organization with whom the professional relationship exists to harm or exploitation.

I'm the PP who posted about my dad. Haven't checked the thread since but it's hilarious to me people are arguing over this.

It was years ago. The only people whining about it are my dad's sister and nephew, and now apparently DCUM. Everyone else involved has moved on with their lives.

Was kinda surprised people latched onto this and not the "my mom's sister hooked up with my stepdad" part of my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry-legal and ethical are not one in the same. No idea if legal, but definitely violates ethics code.

It seems like if you’re so sure of the ethics, you’d have an idea about the legality. It makes me wonder if you’re confusing ethics with your feelings, and in “it feels to me like it would be unethical to treat anyone you’re remotely related to.”

I have served on boards to review this. We review ethical guidelines. There is something called a "Dual Relationship" and what your father did falls under that. If anyone in the family reported him for this he could be subject to anything from a sanction to losing his license. You can lose your license for something that while legal, violates the ethical guidelines of your profession.

Ok, well you can help the "It's an ethical code violation" poster out (or you're that poster. Simply link to the ethical code of a state or municipality where this situation would make this something one could lose their license over. I really will believe if you post the code (with the cite of course, not just some language with no basis) so post the link to the actual code so we can see where it is.

NP. I'm a licensed clinic psychologist. It's is absolutely a violation of the ethics code for a psychologist to see a family member for counseling. 3.05 Multiple Relationships and also 3.06 Conflict of Interest.

My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

This is exactly why. Your dad was already an uncle. The nephew expected that relationship to take precedence in the counseling relationship. It did not, and the nephew felt hurt by that. Regardless of whether he was an abusive jerk, and regardless of whether your dad gave the "correct" advice, he never should have entered into that role in the first place. The nephews reactions was completely predictable, and there is no excuse for your dad doing it. The only times it's allowed is when the therapist provides a very specialized service AND it would create hardship for the client to try to find another therapist providing that same service AND the therapist takes great pains, such as seeking ongoing peer consultation, to make sure the relationship provides more help than harm to the client.

If this situation was brought before our ethics board, given what you have stated here, he would absolutely be sanctioned. It would depend on the specifics as to whether he would lose his license (I'm guessing no...that' usually more for people who sleep with clients)

Did you say you were a student? You still have a lot to learn.


https://www.apa.org/ethics/code

3.05 Multiple Relationships

(a) A multiple relationship occurs when a psychologist is in a professional role with a person and (1) at the same time is in another role with the same person, (2) at the same time is in a relationship with a person closely associated with or related to the person with whom the psychologist has the professional relationship, or (3) promises to enter into another relationship in the future with the person or a person closely associated with or related to the person.

A psychologist refrains from entering into a multiple relationship if the multiple relationship could reasonably be expected to impair the psychologist's objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing his or her functions as a psychologist, or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.

Multiple relationships that would not reasonably be expected to cause impairment or risk exploitation or harm are not unethical.

(b) If a psychologist finds that, due to unforeseen factors, a potentially harmful multiple relationship has arisen, the psychologist takes reasonable steps to resolve it with due regard for the best interests of the affected person and maximal compliance with the Ethics Code.

(c) When psychologists are required by law, institutional policy, or extraordinary circumstances to serve in more than one role in judicial or administrative proceedings, at the outset they clarify role expectations and the extent of confidentiality and thereafter as changes occur. (See also Standards 3.04, Avoiding Harm , and 3.07, Third-Party Requests for Services .)

3.06 Conflict of Interest
Psychologists refrain from taking on a professional role when personal, scientific, professional, legal, financial, or other interests or relationships could reasonably be expected to (1) impair their objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing their functions as psychologists or (2) expose the person or organization with whom the professional relationship exists to harm or exploitation.

Nowhere in this does it say it's prohibited.