Does your DH help with Christmas preparations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious, how is Christmas prep divided in your house?

I do 100% of the planning any fun holiday events, crafts for the kids, extra baking, holiday menus, the tree chopping and set up, gift/stocking buying, Christmas decorating, holiday cards, wrapping, and hauling down to the living room all the gifts. It is just so much. Am I the only one that does pretty much the entire holiday shebang without help from spouse? DH a is generally helpful in everyday life he just DGAF about Christmas- at all.

His approach is just fine, you know.

For him, absolutely. Christmas could come and go and he doesn't care at all. Which is fine. But we have three kids. I don't go crazy on the holidays, but even the minimal things are a lot of "extra" on top of everything else in daily life if there is no help

Christmas is only about observing the birth of Christ, our Lord. None of the other stuff is necessary.

I am a Hindu married to a Jew and we celebrate Christmas - decorations, santa, cookies, tree, and everything. Please, provide commentary, I so desperately want to hear what you have to say about us.

NP here. I do lots and lots of “holiday” stuff for my kids - gingerbread houses, decorate cookies, decorate house, tree, lights, gifts for teachers relatives, kids, DH, host Xmas eve and Xmas day dinners, cookie swaps, etc. I love creating these memories for my kids.

I know many families who celebrate a secular Christmas, and that’s great that they have their own traditions around this holiday time, which seem to focus a lot on Santa and gifts and family. I think it’s lovely to take time to celebrate family and each other.

There is no need to be nasty about those of us who keep the focus of Christmas on the birth of Jesus. The holiday stuff I do is not about that at all (and I tell that to my kids), which does mean it’s all optional and there is no one right way to do it. If you believe that celebrating Christmas is religious (and many of us do) then the other stuff is all unnecessary, which is totally fair for the PP to point out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread hits a nerve with me. I do all of the Christmas prep, shopping, wrapping, cooking, card writing, decorating, etc. and I’m carrying a lot of anger about it. His family is coming over later this week for a holiday meal and he got snippy with me when I told him I need his help and will make a list of to-do’s. Oh yeah, and I am the lawyer in our family, not the big law spouse.

That’s maddening.

Same situation here. I’m still angry and exhausted two days later.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course he does!

We each buy gifts for the kids - discuss the lists we've both come up with and then divvy up purchasing responsibilities. We each decorate the house (although he bears the brunt of carrying everything down and back up to the attic for the most part). I wrap more presents than he does generally because I really enjoy it, but this year he did almost half of them? I handle all presents for my family, he handles all presents for his family. I definitely bake more but he always helps clean up the kitchen. We probably cook about the same amount.

Before the holidays we talk about what we want to do during the month of December and then discuss how to make it work, i.e. who is doing what. Some things are more important to him, some are more important to me, some aren't important to either of us (so we either do them because they're important to our kids, for example, or we scrap them). Just like the rest of life, I wouldn't go through Christmas if more than half of it was going to be on me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything, like the rest of our life. Big law partner widow.

Go reach into your Birkin for a $100 bill to use as a tissue.

Where did I say I have a problem with it?

You called yourself a widow. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here - you all have shitty husbands and should have set better expectations early on.

Or they don’t care about Christmas- at all, and they wouldn’t blink an eye and would be totally happy if “Christmas” didn’t happen. Don’t think you somehow have a better husband because he wraps presents.

If a parent doesn't care about Christmas - at all, and would be totally happy if it didn't happen, but their kids would care, then they're kind of a crappy parent.

So yeah, the posters who have spouses who wrap presents do have better spouses, because they're helping make something happen.

[Anonymous]

He does the outdoor decorations, I do indoor. We pick the kids presents together. I buy them. He does stockings and surprises me. I plan and cook the meal, he does the clean up. This year he wrapped 80% of the gifts. We each do gifts for our own families.

I book and plan family photos, he designs and orders the cards. We each take care of sending them to our own friends and family. He does the neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread hits a nerve with me. I do all of the Christmas prep, shopping, wrapping, cooking, card writing, decorating, etc. and I’m carrying a lot of anger about it. His family is coming over later this week for a holiday meal and he got snippy with me when I told him I need his help and will make a list of to-do’s. Oh yeah, and I am the lawyer in our family, not the big law spouse.

That’s maddening.

Same situation here. I’m still angry and exhausted two days later.

Then don’t do it? Cater big meals. Tell him to do stockings. Put each kids gifts in one of those giant drawstring canvas bags. No one is forcing you to do everything.

[Anonymous]

DH hauls our fake tree and boxes of decorations out of storage, helps decorate the tree, buys presents for his parents, helps wrap presents 50/50, and makes a great Christmas breakfast.

I do everything else.

It's all just not his thing, I don't mind. We have a very equitable division of labor in our household overall.

[Anonymous]

I do all of the shopping and wrapping and christmas cards. We decorate together. I will say that he does most of the cooking and we host about 25 people at our house. I usually make a few things but this year cooked nothing (everyone brings dishes so its not totally up to us). I usually do the grocery shopping but he even did that this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything, like the rest of our life. Big law partner widow.

Go reach into your Birkin for a $100 bill to use as a tissue.

Where did I say I have a problem with it?

You called yourself a widow. Come on.

It's a common joke. Relax.

[Anonymous]

I do everything. It's difficult because he doesn't have any family traditions or happy memories of holidays as a child. He loves the memories that we are creating together with my family but he doesn't have any interest in helping. I love him, but it makes for a crazy amount of work for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do everything, like the rest of our life. Big law partner widow.

Boo hoo, boo hoo=a year from each eye. He brings home 7-digit yearly income and you should do something to earn your keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH hauls our fake tree and boxes of decorations out of storage, helps decorate the tree, buys presents for his parents, helps wrap presents 50/50, and makes a great Christmas breakfast.

I do everything else.

It's all just not his thing, I don't mind. We have a very equitable division of labor in our household overall.

What else is there to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything, like the rest of our life. Big law partner widow.

Same. Physician widow.

Sorry, no tears for you as I shed my only two tears for BLP widow. Nevertheless, he brings home a hefty income and decorating for Christmas also pays for your keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything, like the rest of our life. Big law partner widow.

Boo hoo, boo hoo=a year from each eye. He brings home 7-digit yearly income and you should do something to earn your keep.

My...keep? I hope you're a man because if this misogyny's coming from a woman I really pity you. I also work by the way, and put DH though law school. Merry Christmas!