This response is a perfect example of why the discussions about K-8s become toxic. A parent is sharing an experience and observation that their own children shared with them as a positive, and then a commenter responds defensively "I don't actually think that's a positive."
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That’s not toxic, just their opinion. And having actually just been through the experience with my kid I agree it’s a waste of 8th grade. |
You obviously have not been through the process with older children yet. |
| It’s all a numbers game for HS admissions. |
This is an anonymous message board not a real life conversation. That you think someone with a contrary opinion or experience is “toxic” is exactly the defensiveness we are talking about. |
Are you going to trust a bunch of insecure parents? Or kids who have actually been through it? It is toxic to the extent it denies the reality of shared experience from kids who have actually experienced a K-8: "I know your kids said it was a positive, but I don't think that it's actually a positive." In our kids' experience, the HS application process was not stressful at all, and they barely talked about it with their friends at school, it was not competitive. Our kids ended up at a "Big 3" which is what they wanted. It all worked out, but as parents you have to be prepared that you're not fully in control of the process or your 14 year-old child. I agree that perhaps a K-8 is not a good fit for insecure, status-seeking parents who are obsessed with fake notions of prestige or elitism. |
No. The defensiveness is the inability to recognize that someone's shared experience isn't valid or worthy of consideration, because it's different than your view. |
Reading comprehension. The poster said that the discussions become toxic as a result of defensive responses like that. Not that the defensive response was itself toxic. |
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These threads do really seem to draw out the nastiness. We all try to select that path that is right for our children and our families. For some, it might be a k-12. for others, a k-8, for others it could be the local public. There is not a right answer. There is not one formula that will ensure whatever success means to your family. A couple of things hold true, no matter what: 1. If a particular high school is the place you most want your child to attend, your odds are MUCH higher if you enter that school at it earliest entry point. So the Big 3 or bust folks really should try to start there at PK whatever is the starting grade at that school. 2.No matter what school you select, something will happen to surprise you about your child's experience at that place. Either good or bad. Your child at age 5 will be a different person than they will be at 15. The school that seemed like a perfect fit in PK might not be right by 6th grade or 10th grade. Or, it could be just right all the way through senior year. 3. If you are approaching this process focused on a particular school/outcome (i.e. Ivy college acceptance) you will be very disappointed at some point along the way. Focus on who your child is, what their strengths and weaknesses are and try to find a school that will be the most supportive and challenging environment for that child. |
My kids attended ... DCPS elementary. ... Anyway, what I'm saying is that 20% heading on to the "Big3" from a K-8 is probably about right. "I'm saying that I'm confident that I know what happens inside the walls at private K-8 schools although I have no actual, direct experience with private schools." |
Parent of former k-8 lifer here. I couldn't agree more with this poster and I hope OP is still reading. The bolded is so true. The corollary is that when the 'status' group ends up in a K-8 as their consolation prize because they were rejected from Sidwell or Maret, they form little exclusionary cliques within the K-8 community and continue to apply out of that school early and often. I saw this so often that is became an amusing truism. |
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There is really no generalizable advice for this unfortunately. Every kid’s path is so different. My son scored super low on the K private admissions test and got rejected at all the Big whatever schools for K so we did our public. Kid was very average in lower elementary school - maybe middle of his public school class and really down on school. Hated to go in the morning. Never did his homework unless absolutely forced. We switched to one of these K-8 schools in late elementary because there were spots as kids applied out. He got lots of individual attention in middle school and ended up one of the top students applying out because he had really built his confidence and enjoyed school. That became self fulfilling and he got into a very good but not Big 3 private high school. He did very well there and just ended up at a top 10 college.
Younger daughter went to same K8 and did well enough but was honestly lazy, so we moved her to a more competitive-minded K12 before eighth. She is thriving there now in high school and likely will do fairly well when it comes time for her although college admissions is such a lottery for the top 20-30 now days. Your kid is probably not like either of my kids so you’ll just have to chart the path that works for them. That could ultimately be a K8 or a K12 or both and it is best to be flexible since your kid will likely develop in ways you would never foresee. |
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k-8 parent here with child at Big 3. Our experience at k-8 was great and our child did not find application process to be toxic. Our goal was NEVER Big 3 but best fit and we encouraged our child to do the same. We have another still at k-8 and they may or may not go to a Big 3.
Our child's cohort was very strong and over 30% of the class landed at STA/NCS, Sidwell, GDS. If you include Potomac/Holton/Maret it was 40%. I agree with previous posters that it's typical that the top 20-25% of class will go to top schools but I will also say that these kids are high fliers (and that many parents think their kid is in the high flier category but the kid is not). That said - nothing is a guarantee; it also happens that (a) some kids get in that are not as academically strong (usually they have some special pull - whether known publicly or not) and (b) sometimes someone strong gets shut out for reasons unknown. Bottom line is that, if your goal is Big 3 for HS, then try as early and as often as you can to apply there. A K-8 is not the place for you if you want this guarantee. We'd never trade the k-8 experience but Big3 is not the priority. |
Which K-8 - if you don’t mind sharing wildness like to know. 30-40% landing at those schools is very impressive. |