kid makes noise constantly in class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where I am on this: I truly don’t know if he’s being defiant or if this is involuntary behavior. I lean toward disciplining him but I fear if it DOES up end being a cognitive impairment and he cannot control this, I would feel horrible to make him feel shame for something he cannot help or fix by himself. At this rate we would not be able to evaluate him for months because of the waitlists. I just don’t know how to approach it/what to say to him (be kind/understanding or firm/disciplinary) in the meantime.
-OP

You've said he's sensitive. Is he typically defiant? Do you recognize that for someone to be capable of doing this ALL day long in school, there is probably something else going on with him? Even if he is "choosing" to do this as a manner of self soothing, what is making him feel so "off" that he needs that level of soothing?

The people saying to discipline strike me as very old-school, and not in a good way.

Even if there's a waitlist for a private neuropsych (which is typical even in non covid times), how about meeting with the school counselor? Or a private counselor? Talking to your ped?

We are already on several waitlists. We are not taking this lightly, nor do I believe the teachers/other students should have to put up with his behavior. My dilemma is how to approach it with him in the immediate term (between now and when we get a diagnosis) since I do not know if he truly cannot help his behavior. Like I literally don't know what words to use with him (disappointed? understanding? inquisitive?). I of course want to be compassionate toward my child and not make him feel bad for who he is, but I also don't want to be blind to this possibly being immature/behavioral (and changeable) antics if I would only know the right things to say to him or "discipline" to get him to realize he has to change this now. I dread him being expelled and what that would do to his psyche. I am feeling desperate to not allow anything like that happen in the new few months before we can get a diagnosis (or not) to know how to proceed.
-OP

As someone who has been through a similar situation, what worked best for us was engaging with the school, primarily with the assistant principal and the school counselor. The school is here to support your kid, they have to by law actually. For us we also started the IEP evaulation process. Now is a good time to start it, because it does take some time to complete and you don't want to have it drag into the summer. The school will test your kid and interview you and your kid's teachers. Even before this process has been completed and regardless of what if anything is found, just starting this process and engaging with the school is a good thing. The assistant principal and counselor will work with you and your kid and your kid's teacher on how to proceed starting immediately. For us, it involved the counselor being in the classroom for observation and teacher assistance several times per week especially during morning meeting when my son had the most issues. The counselor had some good strategies for the teacher to use with my son which helped out a lot.

This might end up just being defiance by your kid, but if it isn't all of the punishing by the teacher is really counter productive. Just the understanding that this might be an issue like high functioning autism or ADHD or something else by everyone really can change the tone of school. Everyone will be more focused on helping your son rather than on punishing him and making him and you feel bad for behavior that he might not be able to control. Personally this was a huge relief for me, as I began to see the school as allies here rather than dreading that my son would be kicked out of school or worrying every time I got an email or a call from the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we are only 2 months into the school year and we are already being notified by our 1st grader's teacher that he "makes noise constantly" (drums on the desk, makes popping sound with his mouth) to the point of he has to be taken out of class and walked up and down the hallways by an IA. he's on the older side and we figured he may be bored this year, and it's a long day expected to sit back in person, but this seems way beyond boredom. we've asked him why he makes noise and he says "because I like to" and when we explain it distracts other kids and the teacher can't focus on teaching, he acts like he could not care less. i'm so confused by his lack of empathy because he's a very sensitive child and typically a pleaser.

I don't know what to do other than to send a fidget toy in with him or something in hopes he stops making loud noises. my words don't seem to be getting through to him or he doesn't care about being a problem to the entire class.


has anyone else dealt with this or have any advice? thanks.

Let him grow out of it and dont complain

are you being serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where I am on this: I truly don’t know if he’s being defiant or if this is involuntary behavior. I lean toward disciplining him but I fear if it DOES up end being a cognitive impairment and he cannot control this, I would feel horrible to make him feel shame for something he cannot help or fix by himself. At this rate we would not be able to evaluate him for months because of the waitlists. I just don’t know how to approach it/what to say to him (be kind/understanding or firm/disciplinary) in the meantime.
-OP

You've said he's sensitive. Is he typically defiant? Do you recognize that for someone to be capable of doing this ALL day long in school, there is probably something else going on with him? Even if he is "choosing" to do this as a manner of self soothing, what is making him feel so "off" that he needs that level of soothing?

The people saying to discipline strike me as very old-school, and not in a good way.

Even if there's a waitlist for a private neuropsych (which is typical even in non covid times), how about meeting with the school counselor? Or a private counselor? Talking to your ped?

We are already on several waitlists. We are not taking this lightly, nor do I believe the teachers/other students should have to put up with his behavior. My dilemma is how to approach it with him in the immediate term (between now and when we get a diagnosis) since I do not know if he truly cannot help his behavior. Like I literally don't know what words to use with him (disappointed? understanding? inquisitive?). I of course want to be compassionate toward my child and not make him feel bad for who he is, but I also don't want to be blind to this possibly being immature/behavioral (and changeable) antics if I would only know the right things to say to him or "discipline" to get him to realize he has to change this now. I dread him being expelled and what that would do to his psyche. I am feeling desperate to not allow anything like that happen in the new few months before we can get a diagnosis (or not) to know how to proceed.
-OP

As someone who has been through a similar situation, what worked best for us was engaging with the school, primarily with the assistant principal and the school counselor. The school is here to support your kid, they have to by law actually. For us we also started the IEP evaulation process. Now is a good time to start it, because it does take some time to complete and you don't want to have it drag into the summer. The school will test your kid and interview you and your kid's teachers. Even before this process has been completed and regardless of what if anything is found, just starting this process and engaging with the school is a good thing. The assistant principal and counselor will work with you and your kid and your kid's teacher on how to proceed starting immediately. For us, it involved the counselor being in the classroom for observation and teacher assistance several times per week especially during morning meeting when my son had the most issues. The counselor had some good strategies for the teacher to use with my son which helped out a lot.

This might end up just being defiance by your kid, but if it isn't all of the punishing by the teacher is really counter productive. Just the understanding that this might be an issue like high functioning autism or ADHD or something else by everyone really can change the tone of school. Everyone will be more focused on helping your son rather than on punishing him and making him and you feel bad for behavior that he might not be able to control. Personally this was a huge relief for me, as I began to see the school as allies here rather than dreading that my son would be kicked out of school or worrying every time I got an email or a call from the school.

This is very helpful, thank you. Did you wait for the school to come to you or did you proactively contact the AP and counselor before things got too bad?
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where I am on this: I truly don’t know if he’s being defiant or if this is involuntary behavior. I lean toward disciplining him but I fear if it DOES up end being a cognitive impairment and he cannot control this, I would feel horrible to make him feel shame for something he cannot help or fix by himself. At this rate we would not be able to evaluate him for months because of the waitlists. I just don’t know how to approach it/what to say to him (be kind/understanding or firm/disciplinary) in the meantime.
-OP

You've said he's sensitive. Is he typically defiant? Do you recognize that for someone to be capable of doing this ALL day long in school, there is probably something else going on with him? Even if he is "choosing" to do this as a manner of self soothing, what is making him feel so "off" that he needs that level of soothing?

The people saying to discipline strike me as very old-school, and not in a good way.

Even if there's a waitlist for a private neuropsych (which is typical even in non covid times), how about meeting with the school counselor? Or a private counselor? Talking to your ped?

We are already on several waitlists. We are not taking this lightly, nor do I believe the teachers/other students should have to put up with his behavior. My dilemma is how to approach it with him in the immediate term (between now and when we get a diagnosis) since I do not know if he truly cannot help his behavior. Like I literally don't know what words to use with him (disappointed? understanding? inquisitive?). I of course want to be compassionate toward my child and not make him feel bad for who he is, but I also don't want to be blind to this possibly being immature/behavioral (and changeable) antics if I would only know the right things to say to him or "discipline" to get him to realize he has to change this now. I dread him being expelled and what that would do to his psyche. I am feeling desperate to not allow anything like that happen in the new few months before we can get a diagnosis (or not) to know how to proceed.
-OP

As someone who has been through a similar situation, what worked best for us was engaging with the school, primarily with the assistant principal and the school counselor. The school is here to support your kid, they have to by law actually. For us we also started the IEP evaulation process. Now is a good time to start it, because it does take some time to complete and you don't want to have it drag into the summer. The school will test your kid and interview you and your kid's teachers. Even before this process has been completed and regardless of what if anything is found, just starting this process and engaging with the school is a good thing. The assistant principal and counselor will work with you and your kid and your kid's teacher on how to proceed starting immediately. For us, it involved the counselor being in the classroom for observation and teacher assistance several times per week especially during morning meeting when my son had the most issues. The counselor had some good strategies for the teacher to use with my son which helped out a lot.

This might end up just being defiance by your kid, but if it isn't all of the punishing by the teacher is really counter productive. Just the understanding that this might be an issue like high functioning autism or ADHD or something else by everyone really can change the tone of school. Everyone will be more focused on helping your son rather than on punishing him and making him and you feel bad for behavior that he might not be able to control. Personally this was a huge relief for me, as I began to see the school as allies here rather than dreading that my son would be kicked out of school or worrying every time I got an email or a call from the school.

This is very helpful, thank you. Did you wait for the school to come to you or did you proactively contact the AP and counselor before things got too bad?
-OP

We brought it up ourselves but as soon as we did we could tell that the school was thinking along the same line, but was a little reluctant to initiate maybe due to fear of offending us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Those pop fidgets are NOT quiet
2. My son's BFF has a throat clearing tic and has been kicked out of class multiple times which makes me so angry. He cannot help it.
3. My coworker clips her nails at her desk and slurps her soup. Don't get me started on how loud she FaceTimes her kids or how she crunches her carrots. I would love to send her out of the office because it CAN be distracting. But guess what? I can ignore distractions, just need to work on my own focus.
4. If this is willful behavior, he needs reminders to stop doing it and consequences for doing it. This is on the school, but with your reinforcement at home.

My 5 yo DD has this and I literally live in fear of the teacher complaining about it. We are on a long, long wait list to be seen. I am a teacher but understanding. We take noise, silly and movement breaks quite frequently so when we put on our "focus goggles and thinking hats", they are quiet, focused and ready to go. Also, teachers that yammer on and on and teach lessons that are too long or not stimulating also tend to have kids lose focus and begin behaviors. So, I would say the teacher needs to be seeing what she can do to help your son and not bothering you about it. Kids come as they are and we must work with what we get.
-Teacher Mom

[Anonymous]

I'm living in fear every day, every hour these day. Well said, PP. I feel like I've aged a decade in the past few months.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s silly it’s “So distracting” he has to leave. So what he makes noises.

Actually it is a big deal to other kids trying to concentrate. My kid has ADD and her constant complaint is the random kids making noises here and there. One kid doing this all day would seriously disrupt her completing her work. I would recommend a fidget spinner and see if they would allow him to sit in a different type of seat - ie a wobble seat or a large yoga ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s silly it’s “So distracting” he has to leave. So what he makes noises.

If he's distracting other kids from their work or paying attention to the teacher, then it's a problem.

Those kids need to learn to ignore distractions.

Why do ypu live or work? Perhaps I can do annoying things to you so you can learn to ignore distractions.

Yea that won’t bother me. Ever work in a cubical?

Kids these days are so fragile. They can function unless their environment is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Also maybe explore a private school that thinks outside the box. We attend one where a lot of the lessons are outside; teachers do “walk and talks” so kids don’t have to sit still while learning and it’s done wonders for my kid. She actually enjoys learning and is excited about school as opposed to being fearful she would get in trouble. And her grades are great too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Those pop fidgets are NOT quiet
2. My son's BFF has a throat clearing tic and has been kicked out of class multiple times which makes me so angry. He cannot help it.
3. My coworker clips her nails at her desk and slurps her soup. Don't get me started on how loud she FaceTimes her kids or how she crunches her carrots. I would love to send her out of the office because it CAN be distracting. But guess what? I can ignore distractions, just need to work on my own focus.
4. If this is willful behavior, he needs reminders to stop doing it and consequences for doing it. This is on the school, but with your reinforcement at home.

All of this^^^^

Kids in the class should thank him because they will build the ability to focus despite distractions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s silly it’s “So distracting” he has to leave. So what he makes noises.

Actually it is a big deal to other kids trying to concentrate. My kid has ADD and her constant complaint is the random kids making noises here and there. One kid doing this all day would seriously disrupt her completing her work. I would recommend a fidget spinner and see if they would allow him to sit in a different type of seat - ie a wobble seat or a large yoga ball.

The whole world is accommodating you kid but you can’t accommodate anybody else. Got it.

[Anonymous]

PP w/ADHD kid diagnosed in 1st grade: most teachers have a bunch of tools they use to help kids with the impulse to move/make noise. My daughter has an elastic band around the leg of her desk that she can fidget with. Teachers can move where your son is sitting, allow him to chew gum, let him work standing up, you name it. I would make the teacher and school counselor my first stop to enlist their help with your son and to help keep the classroom running smoothly.

As for your son, even if he is being so-called “defiant” on purpose, the point is that he is still in first grade. Even his defiance is a sign of immaturity, not necessarily of mean spirited behavior.

I’ve talked with both my kids about how their brains aren’t finished developing and so it’s hard for them to control their mouths or bodies, but it’s something that gets better with time and practice. I’d approach your kid with the goal of enlisting him in finding solutions: that it’s not fair to other kids if he’s noisy, but you want to help him find a way to get some of that energy out in a way that isn’t distracting to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP w/ADHD kid diagnosed in 1st grade: most teachers have a bunch of tools they use to help kids with the impulse to move/make noise. My daughter has an elastic band around the leg of her desk that she can fidget with. Teachers can move where your son is sitting, allow him to chew gum, let him work standing up, you name it. I would make the teacher and school counselor my first stop to enlist their help with your son and to help keep the classroom running smoothly.

As for your son, even if he is being so-called “defiant” on purpose, the point is that he is still in first grade. Even his defiance is a sign of immaturity, not necessarily of mean spirited behavior.

I’ve talked with both my kids about how their brains aren’t finished developing and so it’s hard for them to control their mouths or bodies, but it’s something that gets better with time and practice. I’d approach your kid with the goal of enlisting him in finding solutions: that it’s not fair to other kids if he’s noisy, but you want to help him find a way to get some of that energy out in a way that isn’t distracting to others.

This was very helpful, thank you!
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also maybe explore a private school that thinks outside the box. We attend one where a lot of the lessons are outside; teachers do “walk and talks” so kids don’t have to sit still while learning and it’s done wonders for my kid. She actually enjoys learning and is excited about school as opposed to being fearful she would get in trouble. And her grades are great too.

can you share the name of the school please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s silly it’s “So distracting” he has to leave. So what he makes noises.

Actually it is a big deal to other kids trying to concentrate. My kid has ADD and her constant complaint is the random kids making noises here and there. One kid doing this all day would seriously disrupt her completing her work. I would recommend a fidget spinner and see if they would allow him to sit in a different type of seat - ie a wobble seat or a large yoga ball.

The whole world is accommodating you kid but you can’t accommodate anybody else. Got it.

Umm, my kid needing quiet to work isn't distracting anyone. One kid making a ton of nose ALL day is distracting everyone. If you don't see the difference, you're an idiot.