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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s where I am on this: I truly don’t know if he’s being defiant or if this is involuntary behavior. I lean toward disciplining him but I fear if it DOES up end being a cognitive impairment and he cannot control this, I would feel horrible to make him feel shame for something he cannot help or fix by himself. At this rate we would not be able to evaluate him for months because of the waitlists. I just don’t know how to approach it/what to say to him (be kind/understanding or firm/disciplinary) in the meantime. 
-OP[/quote]

You've said he's sensitive. Is he typically defiant? Do you recognize that for someone to be capable of doing this ALL day long in school, there is probably something else going on with him? Even if he is "choosing" to do this as a manner of self soothing, what is making him feel so "off" that he needs that level of soothing?

The people saying to discipline strike me as very old-school, and not in a good way.

Even if there's a waitlist for a private neuropsych (which is typical even in non covid times), how about meeting with the school counselor? Or a private counselor? Talking to your ped?  [/quote]

We are already on several waitlists. We are not taking this lightly, nor do I believe the teachers/other students should have to put up with his behavior. My dilemma is how to approach it with him in the immediate term (between now and when we get a diagnosis) since I do not know if he truly cannot help his behavior. Like I literally don't know what words to use with him (disappointed? understanding? inquisitive?). I of course want to be compassionate toward my child and not make him feel bad for who he is, but I also don't want to be blind to this possibly being immature/behavioral (and changeable) antics if I would only know the right things to say to him or "discipline" to get him to realize he has to change this now. I dread him being expelled and what that would do to his psyche. I am feeling desperate to not allow anything like that happen in the new few months before we can get a diagnosis (or not) to know how to proceed. 
-OP[/quote]

As someone who has been through a similar situation, what worked best for us was engaging with the school, primarily with the assistant principal and the school counselor.  The school is here to support your kid, they have to by law actually.  For us we also started the IEP evaulation process.  Now is a good time to start it, because it does take some time to complete and you don't want to have it drag into the summer.  The school will test your kid and interview you and your kid's teachers.  Even before this process has been completed and regardless of what if anything is found, just starting this process and engaging with the school is a good thing. The assistant principal and counselor will work with you and your kid and your kid's teacher on how to proceed starting immediately.  For us, it involved the counselor being in the classroom for observation and teacher assistance several times per week especially during morning meeting when my son had the most issues.  The counselor had some good strategies for the teacher to use with my son which helped out a lot.

This might end up just being defiance by your kid, but if it isn't all of the punishing by the teacher is really counter productive.  Just the understanding that this might be an issue like high functioning autism or ADHD or something else by everyone really can change the tone of school.  Everyone will be more focused on helping your son rather than on punishing him and making him and you feel bad for behavior that he might not be able to control.  Personally this was a huge relief for me, as I began to see the school as allies here rather than dreading that my son would be kicked out of school or worrying every time I got an email or a call from the school.[/quote]

This is very helpful, thank you. Did you wait for the school to come to you or did you proactively contact the AP and counselor before things got too bad? 
-OP[/quote]

We brought it up ourselves but as soon as we did we could tell that the school was thinking along the same line, but was a little reluctant to initiate maybe due to fear of offending us.[/quote]

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