s/o: My BIL is mad at me for inviting them to Thanksgiving dinner

[Anonymous]

I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

[Anonymous]

To me like he wants to host so that he can include the in-laws as well as you guys. I don't think that's necessarily unreasonable. Perhaps for the next holidays you can confer with them before deciding who is hosting, etc., assuming it's important to you to spend the holiday with them.

[Anonymous]

Before we make plans on who is hosting holidays, we check in with each other. Saves some of the headache that you are now encountering. I don't think you're wrong to be annoyed, but I also think there is something else at play here that explains your BILs attitude.

9/10 thanksgivings we host with my parents and in laws. But we always check with DHs sister first before inviting his parents over. Because sometimes they like to host a holiday with his parents and her in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

I'm confused. If he's married to your husband's sister, then aren't you guys his wife's family or am I reading it wrong? Is this about their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

I'm confused. If he's married to your husband's sister, then aren't you guys his wife's family or am I reading it wrong? Is this about their parents?

THIS

[Anonymous]

I hate holidays for this reason. Jesus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

I'm confused. If he's married to your husband's sister, then aren't you guys his wife's family or am I reading it wrong? Is this about their parents?

THIS

Maybe it's woman writing about her husband's brother, which would make it her BIL. His wife would not be related to the OP.

[Anonymous]

When will people learn that it's an invitation, not a summons?

Plus, all this "we have to decide who is hosting." Who is hosting what? Because I'm not checking with my husband's sister when I decide to host my family of origin. I may invite her if there's room, but I don't need her permission and she doesn't need mine. When people get married, they generally aren't marrying orphans with no family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate holidays for this reason. Jesus

Ironically, it's not the holidays' fault

[Anonymous]

OP said, BIL is married to her DH's sister, and they need to see her family too? Yes, it is confusing. I can only assume that the other family are her ILs, who celebrate separately.

[Anonymous]

Simple email in august-

hey folks I'm thinking about hosting thanksgiving dinner. I don't mind doing it unless someone else wants to...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your SIL wants a chance to host and you all have just decided to have holidays at home.

I think its totally fine to have your own holiday and decide you're not travelling for the big ones but it doesn't seem crazy to let your SIL host her parents once in awhile.

I think the fact that your BIL is the one who responded to YOU and your SIL not talking directly to her brother is what's super weird here.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to explain the stuff about your BIL's wife's family, would would be your husband's family, according to your post. So please clear that up.

You should probably have checked in with extended family about Thanksgiving before sending out a "we're hosting" invite.

[Anonymous]

And that's why it's always better to talk, either in person or by phone!

Next year, phone a month earlier and ask what their plans are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And that's why it's always better to talk, either in person or by phone!

Next year, phone a month earlier and ask what their plans are.

+1 OP, it's lovely that you're willing to host, but your side of the family is not the only side. You should not operate in a silo sending out an invite before putting out feelers to extended family. You want to be a convener and you want to be home. That's fine and you guys don't ever have to go anywhere you don't want to, but you should have a little empathy in that inviting one thread of your extended family could put another thread that is not related to you in a weird position.