s/o: My BIL is mad at me for inviting them to Thanksgiving dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate holidays for this reason. Jesus

Ironically, it's not the holidays' fault

But people get so out of whack about it all - especially various grandparents!

[Anonymous]

I read OP's post as "hey, we're having thanksgiving dinner at our house, feel free to come if you can/want to." For BIL to get all bent out of shape seems like an over reaction. If he wants to do his own thing, he can simply respond with a "we have plans but thanks for the invite"

I'm so glad I never have to deal with this nonsense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

You have hosted the last four holidays. Have you sent out any sort of email/text/whatever before you "hog" the holidays? Note: I don't think you are wrong, per se, for hosting. However, why can't they host? Why do you feel the need to host every major holiday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent an email saying we'd love to have them join us for Thanksgiving if they don't have other plans. I just got an email back saying that we (meaning my family) can't hog every holiday! We hosted Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas last year and always include them. They declined Easter this year because they went out of town. No biggie. All of a sudden I'm the bad guy for inviting them again. He said they need to see his wife's family once in awhile, too.

I wrote back simply wishing him a nice holiday.

He wasn't joking because he has been acting cold to us lately for some reason. He is married to my husband's sister and my husband doesn't want to broach it with his sister and I agree. We are trying to ignore the nuttiness of our families, but this response really caught me off guard.

Need a pulse check - am I right to feel annoyed?

You have hosted the last four holidays. Have you sent out any sort of email/text/whatever before you "hog" the holidays? Note: I don't think you are wrong, per se, for hosting. However, why can't they host? Why do you feel the need to host every major holiday?

then people don't go if they want to go to someone else's house
my aunt and uncle have every holiday at home
sometimes we go
sometimes we have it home, go over for dessert
if they want to have thanksgiving at their house, we don't get bent out of shape as if they are hogging anything....
people need to grow up
go
or
don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate holidays for this reason. Jesus

Ironically, it's not the holidays' fault

But people get so out of whack about it all - especially various grandparents!

I agree. Some in-laws make it so miserable for everyone.

[Anonymous]

You said "if you don't have other plans"
You are not hogging holidays.
The proper response from him would have been - sorry we're seeing / hosting the other side this year. Then if he is hosting and you are less than 2hr apart, one of you could do a 12pm new and one could do a 7pm meal.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like BIL and his wife want to host his family and hers but his family now expects to go over to your house for every holiday get-together since you've hosted the last four. The siblings need to talk to each other to work this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple email in august-

hey folks I'm thinking about hosting thanksgiving dinner. I don't mind doing it unless someone else wants to...

OMG, that doesn't work. I grew up hearing my mom and aunt = "Oh, that's okay, you can do it if you want!"; "No, that's okay, you can do it if you want!"; "No, really I don't need to unless you don't want to."; "No, you go ahead." ...

nine hours later ....

Then whoever hosts secretly grouches about doing all the work and sister never does. Sister grouches that host always has to have things her way. I was so lucky to be daughter and a close niece, and heard both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple email in august-

hey folks I'm thinking about hosting thanksgiving dinner. I don't mind doing it unless someone else wants to...

OMG, that doesn't work. I grew up hearing my mom and aunt = "Oh, that's okay, you can do it if you want!"; "No, that's okay, you can do it if you want!"; "No, really I don't need to unless you don't want to."; "No, you go ahead." ...

nine hours later ....

Then whoever hosts secretly grouches about doing all the work and sister never does. Sister grouches that host always has to have things her way. I was so lucky to be daughter and a close niece, and heard both sides.

That wouldn't happen because OP wants to host.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry you construed it as an expectation instead of the invitation it was. That's why I said, 'if you don't have other plans.' We just wanted to be sure you knew you were welcome if you hadn't made plans. Enjoy your celebration with Mary's family."

ANd then dont invite them next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will people learn that it's an invitation, not a summons?

Plus, all this "we have to decide who is hosting." Who is hosting what? Because I'm not checking with my husband's sister when I decide to host my family of origin. I may invite her if there's room, but I don't need her permission and she doesn't need mine. When people get married, they generally aren't marrying orphans with no family.

It's an invitation!! They are free to decline. I don't understand all the angst.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your husband's sister and her DH are getting flack from her in-laws about always going over to your house for the holidays. My BIL and his wife host Thanksgiving every year. We feel pressure to attend this large gathering so his whole family can be together but my extended family isn't interested in attending it, preferring a more intimate dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read OP's post as "hey, we're having thanksgiving dinner at our house, feel free to come if you can/want to." For BIL to get all bent out of shape seems like an over reaction. If he wants to do his own thing, he can simply respond with a "we have plans but thanks for the invite"

I'm so glad I never have to deal with this nonsense!

Yes, but the point could be that they want to host and invite both sides of the family. Now they can't.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL wants to host. Her husband is letting you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry you construed it as an expectation instead of the invitation it was. That's why I said, 'if you don't have other plans.' We just wanted to be sure you knew you were welcome if you hadn't made plans. Enjoy your celebration with Mary's family."

ANd then dont invite them next time.

That's pretty much your only option now!