19 year old cousin is dating a 38 year old. Is there anything we can do?

[Anonymous]

Woman also has a 12 year old son.

Long story short, but my cousin lived with us for a time he was having trouble at home, so we took him in for a bit. After a rough start, he did well for a bit, but unfortunately that didn't last as long as we would have liked and he left us, he's been in contact with us off and on since that time.
Found out about the girlfriend from his Instagram.
I'm just worried about him, worried about the choices he's making and don't want to see him throw his life away.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing legally that you can do. They are both adults. They both sound very screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Even if not legally there's got to be something.
I don't know her but I assume a nearly 40 year old mother dating a teenager has something wrong with her.

My cousin has not had an easy life ,which is why my husband and I took him in hoping to help him. He has so much potential and it's frustrating it seems like he doesn't even want better for himself.

[Anonymous]

Interesting.
At 19 I was dating a man who was 37.
Now he's my husband.

I think you should invite this woman over for dinner and see for yourself.

This is what my parents did. And my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Did your husband also have a 12 year old child at the time?

There is no way I can pretend to be okay with any of this. I don't think dinner would be a good idea.

Besides he's not living close to us right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your husband also have a 12 year old child at the time?

There is no way I can pretend to be okay with any of this. I don't think dinner would be a good idea.

Besides he's not living close to us right now.

No, he had no ex-wife or kids. Also, attitudes towards older men with younger women are more indulgent than towards older women with younger men, which is unfair.

Still, you have to be wily, OP. Use psychology to outsmart them. You really do have to make an effort to get to know her. Not because you support the relationship, but because you want ammunition to get your cousin out of this without looking like the heavy father, which will only push him into her arms. Then you'll be able to say: "Oh, I love how Larla still cuts up her son's meat for him, even at 12! What a devoted mother she is! Soon you'll be doing that too, and attending all his soccer games and everything!" You know, subliminal snark stuff.

[Anonymous]

PP again - and it's not your cousin I feel bad for, honestly. It's this woman. The probability is high that he's going to leave her, and she won't have done herself or her child any good at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PP again - and it's not your cousin I feel bad for, honestly. It's this woman. The probability is high that he's going to leave her, and she won't have done herself or her child any good at all.

I don't have an ounce of sympathy for her. She's a fully grown woman and should be choosing better for herself and her child.

Another reason I don't think dinner would be a good idea. I do not think I could play it cool long enough to stomach her in order to do and say the things you suggest in your previous post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP again - and it's not your cousin I feel bad for, honestly. It's this woman. The probability is high that he's going to leave her, and she won't have done herself or her child any good at all.

I don't have an ounce of sympathy for her. She's a fully grown woman and should be choosing better for herself and her child.

Another reason I don't think dinner would be a good idea. I do not think I could play it cool long enough to stomach her in order to do and say the things you suggest in your previous post.

Sigh. Well, I tried to help you, OP.
I wonder though, why do you have so much anger?
Perhaps in a little while you will be able to see your way. Be patient. Something will come up.

[Anonymous]

It's not that I don't appreciate your advice, because I do. It's honestly not something I am willing or able to do right now, and not make things worse.

As for why am my angry I suppose it's because I view this woman as being another adult to take advantage of him, and yes I view him as a child. 19 is not an adult the same way 38 is.

I'm also angry at him for seemingly not wanting better for himself.

I'm angry wth me and my husband for not being able to do more for him when we had the chance.

[Anonymous]

MYOB These two adults are minding theirs. Make friends with them if you want, or don't.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing drugs are involved in this "relationship".

[Anonymous]

Just what did you find out on Instagram?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your husband also have a 12 year old child at the time?

There is no way I can pretend to be okay with any of this. I don't think dinner would be a good idea.

Besides he's not living close to us right now.

No, he had no ex-wife or kids. Also, attitudes towards older men with younger women are more indulgent than towards older women with younger men, which is unfair.

Still, you have to be wily, OP. Use psychology to outsmart them. You really do have to make an effort to get to know her. Not because you support the relationship, but because you want ammunition to get your cousin out of this without looking like the heavy father, which will only push him into her arms. Then you'll be able to say: "Oh, I love how Larla still cuts up her son's meat for him, even at 12! What a devoted mother she is! Soon you'll be doing that too, and attending all his soccer games and everything!" You know, subliminal snark stuff.

Yeah, the subliminal snark is going to do wonders for family relations

Butt out. He'll figure life out on his own. He is an adult. This doesn't even belong in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Do you remember being 19?

Hopefully this too shall pass.

I would be more concerned if he has a full time job and can he support himself?