Lesson in tact re: please GTF out of my face
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Anonymous
| I need space from Sig-O and kids in evenings. We have a 9 y/o and 9 m/o. Graphic designer that recently left work force to raise / breastfeed 9 m/o. Still occasionally freelances. I need a window during which I want to be left alone. I have guilt over these feelings relative to my 9 y/o. I'm looking for a thoughtful way to not hurt his feelings if I ask this. I can help him occupy his time in the afternoons but he's RIGHT back in my face in five minutes if there's iPad/tv/tech. 9 m/o is a whole NOTHER story obviously since she relies on me for milk. I need like a rule...mommy's office hours have expired please get lost---type of thing. Please type to me what has worked for you. |
Anonymous
| Sorry ... I meant... If there's no tech, I am the entertainment. |
Anonymous
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"Leave me alone." "You see the clock? When the big hand points here and the small hand points there, you can come back and talk to me." You know, you can make this complicated, OP, but it's really very simple. |
Anonymous
| Thentrick is to go somewhere they can't see you. I hang out in my bathroom. |
Anonymous
| Reality of SAHM. Leave him with your DH. Nine year old should be old enough to occupy himself for a while? Is he hyper? |
Anonymous
| Go to the bathroom and read a book. |
Anonymous
| Spend some quality time with the 9 yo and then say, "I'm going to take 30 minutes to be alone. I need to recharge my batteries. Please only come get me if you are bleeding or if the house is on fire." Then set a timer. You might have to work up to longer times. As for the 9 mo, I don't know. You'll have to wait til DH comes home or until the baby sleeps. |
Anonymous
| I do this in the evenings after my big kid goes to bed. Spouse and I go to separate rooms because we like different kinds of TV. No marriage trouble. We are just too spent and need to recharge. You can try a timer if you need 20 minutes in the afternoon but I don't think more than that is reasonable in the after school hours. On the weekends my big kid knows that his sibling's nap in the afternoon is quiet time and that I get a break and he needs to play quietly or watch TV. |
Anonymous
Your 9 yo should be able to read/play/whatever alone. Do you think part of it is adjusting to new baby? Are the dads the same? You need to give him some sort of uninterrupted attention, but then you can absolutely ask him to leave you alone. Or you may just need to wait until they go to bed. Do you not get any time during the day? Does you baby not nap? |
Anonymous
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Tell your significant other that you need a break--7:30-8:30 p.m. or whatever--and that you don't want to be interrupted during that time. Make it clear that your partner is to be on kid-duty and to make sure that you're not bothered.
A 9-year-old is also old enough to understand this, and to know that the other parent is on duty. Leaving the house at that time (even if only for the first few days) could help reset the pattern. So could showering, or being on the phone with a friend. Then you're very clearly unable to help. |
Anonymous
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In addition to setting your down time/alone I me, I recommend setting at least once a week one on one time with the 9 year old. That will be a good balance to telling him/her what times are off limits, will be awesome bonding time, and reduce your guilt.
You're modeling setting healthy boundaries in a kind way. It's a good thing. |
Anonymous
| Tell your SO to take over with the kids during that time in the evening. You go to your room, shut the door, and you're "resting." They can only come to you for a dire emergency. Make sure your SO does something with the nine year old at this time. Fobbing them off with screen time is not acceptable for SO. The kid needs some attention. You get your break. win win |
Anonymous
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SO takes over this job. You can explain to the older one if you think it will help, but then you disappear and SO takes over. If necessary, go to your bedroom, LOCK the door, and do not answer it. SO's job is to keep the kids occupied, entertained, and alive. And also to keep them from trying to get to you. Is SO their parent and/or do they have a good relationship? If so, s/he should be able to do this without any explanation from you to your older child. "Mom is tired and needs to some peace and quiet. What do you need? I will help you."
I need this type of thing a few days a week and DH and I have an understanding. He knows that when I say I need some time to rest, he needs to keep the kids (ages 3 and 5) downstairs and involved in something, and I go watch TV, nap, read, whatever, alone in our bedroom, for an hour or so. He gets the same privilege when he needs it. |
Anonymous
| Nurse the baby, hand her to SO and go walk the dog, go for a run, leave to pick up groceries, and/or shower. You get one hour for this. |
Anonymous
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I am sensitive, but I have very hurtful memories of my mom always having a "god, you again?" attitude with me and feeling like she was always annoyed with me. She would also say things like "mommy's ears are tired" when I would talk to her and that she couldn't wait until we were out of the house (brother and myself) so that she could get a 2 seat convertible, one seat for her and one seat for her hand bag.
I get what you're feeling and you're certainly entitled to set boundaries with some of the PP's suggestions, but my 2 cents are to be mindful of how you go about communicating your need to be alone. It might be nice to emphasize something like "later on when I'm rested I'm going to really enjoy doing x,y,z with you." |