Facebook Drama

[Anonymous]

My (semi-local) MIL is upset with me because she doesn't get invited to the things I post about us doing on FB. Most recent example: at preschool pickup yesterday, the kids were lined up in the hallway to sing an impromptu song for the parents about ghosts. It was super cute, so I posted it for family to see.

I should preface by saying I only post pictures/updates about our kid on FB because the older family members and out of town relatives get a kick out of the updates, and it's an easy avenue for sharing. I do not post anything else.

Anytime I post pictures, we get the guilt trip. "Wish I had been invited." You live 2 hours away. No way you could have made it to a mini preschool concert I knew nothing about. My husband wasn't even there!

We go out for ice cream? Wish I was invited. Went to see a movie? Wish I as invited.

We DO plan bi weekly visits, but the distance makes impromptu visits difficult, obviously.

So tell me, am I oversharing? Should I limit what she sees? Stop posting all together? I could care less about posting to FB, but my grandparents and my husband's grandparents and aunts get a kick out of seeing their younger relations on FB. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Yes. You are over sharing. If you want it to stop, stop posting crap. Done.

[Anonymous]

Filters are your friends.

[Anonymous]

Keep doing what you're doing. Ignore. If you feel the need to address it, have a face-to-face. "Hey, Judy, you're always complaining on facebook that you're not invited to things and I wish you wouldn't. We love having you to visit! But we don't always know when the kids are about to be cute. and don't want you to drive 2 hours for ice cream"

It is also at least possible that her comments are meant more in the spirit of "awww, I wish I could have been there." kind of like how someone might post "jealous!" on your vacation photos - they don't actually think they should be at the beach with you - just think it looks like fun. not a guilt trip, just an expression of love.

[Anonymous]

Don't share a kid's event photo or video unless your MIL attends.

[Anonymous]

Does she post anything other than "wish I was invited"? I think you should address it with her. There's no reason to stop posting if there are other relatives who enjoy seeing the posts and keeping updated on what's going on with the kids. Sounds like she's gotten into the habit of posting that as a reply, so she needs to snap out of it. How often do they visit? Is she trying to suggest that they would like to be invited to visit you more often than they are? If so, is that something that you can do? Try to talk to her; otherwise just start deleting her responses when she posts that, and if she asks you about it tell her it bums you out.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should have to change your FB behavior because she's over sensitive--and I think your FB behavior sounds perfectly normal and much like many of my friends. Do you guys get to spend any time with her? Maybe if you planned a few nice weekends per year, or invited her to a few more BIG events, she would back off a little. I'm. It sure she's being snarky by writing that, I get sort of a wistful vibe (but it's always hard to interpret tone over text or the internet). So I guess my advice is to just plan a few things throughout the year to make her feel special and just explain away the rest that she wasn't invited to.

[Anonymous]

This sounds a lot like my mother. She is extremely passive aggressive and it is really hard to ignore but ultimately it is the best thing to do. I fully expect her to be petty and passive aggressive with me about any and everything so if for some remarkable reason she isn't, I can be pleasantly surprised.

It sounds like you enjoy sharing these pictures with the other relatives so it's all or none. Excluding just her from the pictures isn't a good solution.
Keep in mind, if you stop sharing on FB then people will start to ask or complain about that and its another annoyance you have to deal with.

I don't think you are oversharing, I think she is just being petty. It's unreasonable to think a grandparent can be at every single thing with the kids regardless of how far away they live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds a lot like my mother. She is extremely passive aggressive and it is really hard to ignore but ultimately it is the best thing to do. I fully expect her to be petty and passive aggressive with me about any and everything so if for some remarkable reason she isn't, I can be pleasantly surprised.

It sounds like you enjoy sharing these pictures with the other relatives so it's all or none. Excluding just her from the pictures isn't a good solution.
Keep in mind, if you stop sharing on FB then people will start to ask or complain about that and its another annoyance you have to deal with.

I don't think you are oversharing, I think she is just being petty. It's unreasonable to think a grandparent can be at every single thing with the kids regardless of how far away they live.

Strongly agree with this. Ignore her or have your DH tell her to knock it off. His mom's being a PITA and her behavior isn't exactly going to entice people to want to spend more time with her.

[Anonymous]

Start inviting her. Hey, MIL, we are going to get ice cream tomorrow at 3:15pm. Would love for you to come! Hey, MIL - I am picking Henry up at preschool everyday this week at 2pm. He might do something cute - would love for you to be there!

Kidding aside, like another poster said, hopefully this is just her way to say she wishes she could be there, hates to miss these events, but fully understands that this isn't possible.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you invite your MIL to things more often? If she can't make it, oh well, you invited her, what else can you do?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my sister, actually. She complains that my mom does things with my family but not hers, although she moved her family two hours away because they wanted to be closer to the beach (not for a job, or for schools, or housing, etc. Just... the beach). Still, my mom DOES make the journey over there and does things with her kids and knows all about their little concerts and games and whatnot. Anyway, whenever I post anything about something we've done that includes my mom, my sister ALWAYS comments "must be nice." Like you, OP, even something mundane like, "Had Grandma over for dinner" garners a "must be nice."

I just ignore, or delete the comments, and I suggest you do the same, OP. No need to dignify with a response. I wouldn't alter what you decide to post. You're the one that gets to decide if something is "Facebook worthy" on your own page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds a lot like my mother. She is extremely passive aggressive and it is really hard to ignore but ultimately it is the best thing to do. I fully expect her to be petty and passive aggressive with me about any and everything so if for some remarkable reason she isn't, I can be pleasantly surprised.

It sounds like you enjoy sharing these pictures with the other relatives so it's all or none. Excluding just her from the pictures isn't a good solution.
Keep in mind, if you stop sharing on FB then people will start to ask or complain about that and its another annoyance you have to deal with.

I don't think you are oversharing, I think she is just being petty. It's unreasonable to think a grandparent can be at every single thing with the kids regardless of how far away they live.

Strongly agree with this. Ignore her or have your DH tell her to knock it off. His mom's being a PITA and her behavior isn't exactly going to entice people to want to spend more time with her.

Wow, the first reaction is altercation. People must love spending time with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds a lot like my mother. She is extremely passive aggressive and it is really hard to ignore but ultimately it is the best thing to do. I fully expect her to be petty and passive aggressive with me about any and everything so if for some remarkable reason she isn't, I can be pleasantly surprised.

It sounds like you enjoy sharing these pictures with the other relatives so it's all or none. Excluding just her from the pictures isn't a good solution.
Keep in mind, if you stop sharing on FB then people will start to ask or complain about that and its another annoyance you have to deal with.

I don't think you are oversharing, I think she is just being petty. It's unreasonable to think a grandparent can be at every single thing with the kids regardless of how far away they live.

Strongly agree with this. Ignore her or have your DH tell her to knock it off. His mom's being a PITA and her behavior isn't exactly going to entice people to want to spend more time with her.

Wow, the first reaction is altercation. People must love spending time with you!

al·ter·ca·tion
?ôlt?r?k?SH(?)n/
noun
a noisy argument or disagreement, especially in public.

Having OPs DH tell his mom that her behavior is an issue is a far cry from an "altercation".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you invite your MIL to things more often? If she can't make it, oh well, you invited her, what else can you do?

Biweekly the isn't enough? I'm not op, but man, that is obnoxious.