How to approach sensitive topic with DH (about some tics he has)
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Anonymous
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DH has some kind of tic disorder that we have never really discussed. I have brought it up casually a couple of times, but the conversation never got far. I feel like it impacts our connection at times because his particular tics involve disruptions to our flow of conversation. In addition to that, I recently read that some tic disorders have a 50% chance of being passed along to children, but wouldn't become obvious until the kids are a little older (and boys are affected more often than girls).
We have two sons, an infant and a toddler. After my recent reading about the tic disorders being passed on, I feel like DH and I need to have a conversation about his tics, but I am unsure how to approach it. I'm sure he is already self conscious about them, and I really don't want to make him feel bad. But, I feel like it's important for me/us to know the cause (he might already know the cause, I am not sure). I would appreciate any tips about how to approach the topic. |
Anonymous
| Has he always had these tics? |
Anonymous
| What kind are they? Verbal? Throat clearing? Wiping nose? |
Anonymous
| What kind of tics? |
Anonymous
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OP here. Some head nodding, abdominal flexing. There is one that involves his throat/breathing, but I wouldn't call it throat clearing, as it is not audible.
I don't recall noticing the tics early on in our dating, but maybe I was just oblivious, or maybe he was suppressing them. When I did notice them, I thought they were probably just within the realm of quirky mannerisms, that everyone probably has one or two of. |
Anonymous
| Why does the cause matter? If your kids have it, they have it, and you can deal with it then. |
Anonymous
| What's the point of discussing it now? Will it change anything for the better? Or will it make your husband feel bad? If you couldn't talk about it all this time, why bother now? |
Anonymous
I'm wondering the same thing. Two of my kids have tics, no one else in our family does, including my other 2 kids. I also don't understand how it impacts your 'connection'. Do you think he's not paying attention to you when he's ticing? You know these tics aren't voluntary don't you? I feel like it impacts our connection at times because his particular tics involve disruptions to our flow of conversation. |
Anonymous
You all and your conversations. 
He's not a child. If he needs a doctor I'm sure he'll go. You keep conversating and he'll get mad then leave you. BTW, my husband constantly makes old man smacking noises. My kids never did. |
Anonymous
this was my reaction. What do you hope to achieve with this conversation? |
Anonymous
| I'm not sure why you haven't had this coversation ever, but definitely ask him point blank about it, if he knows the cause, when it started etc. I'm sure more information than less will be helpful if your children ever start showing similar mannerisms. |
Anonymous
| Tics run in my family. They are no big deal. Sometimes aggravated by stress, at other times they disappear completely. You could have a conversation, but IMO it's the same as talking about how your husband has big ears and your kids might inherit big ears. Assuming he doesn't have tourettes or a condition that interferes with functioning. |
Anonymous
| Head nodding and abdominal flexing do not sound like tics. |
Anonymous
OP, just ignore them. Geez--this hardly would impact your flow of conversation. You sound incredibly selfish and self-centered. |
Anonymous
The answer to this seems obvious, but I'll play. The cause matters because a) if my husband has a medical or neurological issue then it is important to know, and b) if it's something that the kids could have, it would be nice to be knowledgable about it and to know what to look for. |