Teaching persistence and hard work
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Anonymous
| 7yo DD hates to hear (or consider) that she might need to work harder for results, whether in music lessons, in a sport, homework, etc. She gravitates to what she's good at, gets easily frustrated with the rest, and has a hard time hearing constructive criticism or even low-key suggestions to try something different for a different outcome. We want to be fostering more of a hard work ethic, and the notion that we all have things we have to work at to improve - we can't all be naturally good at everything, and quitting something when you're not good from the start is a miserable way to approach life. Have you found any good books or other resources that have helped you navigate these conversations and dynamics with your early elementary kids? |
Anonymous
| Following this. We have an 8 yo DS with much the same attitude that you describe. |
Anonymous
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Google "growth mind set, fixed mind-set" as you want to always praise your kids for effort, not results. Carol Dweck
a very nice book for you is "Girls will be girls" signed, mom of two teen DDs |
Anonymous
| Also following. We have a bright student who excels at all subjects except writing/spelling. Just has no interest. |
Anonymous
| We had this with one but not the other. Can only share what worked for us: "catching" him when he was trying his hardest although frustrated even at seeming irrelevant/small tasks ('huh how'd you do that? a lot of people would have given up but you stuck with it....wow, rock on, good for you") and then TONS of examples from history (Einstein was dyslexic, I bet reading was hard for him but he must have toughed it out cuz look at what he did.....special Olympics athletes my son admired....the list went on and on)...he's 11 now and the hardest working kid I've ever met..he is also not afraid of a challenge, and takes them on head first now...he can dialogue about it openly as well (i.e. what is hard for him, what is easy for him....and why/how to persevere)......good GREAT for you for identifying this.....and good luck!!! This is one of these "takes 100 conversations" things (at least it was for us) but with high school looming, I'm so glad we took it on early...... |
Anonymous
| I also have a 7 year old DD who gets easily frustrated if she doesn't do well right away. Music lessons are good for this problem. No matter what a kid's natural level of talent is music lessons are individualized and can go at any pace. So if kids are making progress, they are being challenged. Every week the pieces get harder and she gets frustrated and every week she gets better at them because she practices daily. I'm hoping that over the long term this experience will teach her patience and perseverance. She is also in dance, something she enjoys but it not at all good at naturally. She picks things up more slowly than the other girls, but she enjoys it and sees that if she puts in extra practice she can do well too. |
Anonymous
| Following...DS just turned 9. After repeated attempts at getting him to do more challenging things, now he does a few extra credit math problems or something similar so he doesn't disappoint me. Not what I wanted at all. He also chooses the easiest books to read or ones that he has read a million times and them memorized. I have hidden many of these books, but can only hide so many because he has a younger sibling. Trying to teach persistence and that hard work pays off is not so easy when your child wants instant gratification or doesn't fully understand why they should do more than what's asked. |
Anonymous
This is a pretty big deficit. Even engineers have to be able to express themselves. If she is reading good books she should be picking it up. |
Anonymous
I know. That's why I'm concerned. But thanks for your oh-so-helpful comment! 
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Anonymous
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I've always praised my DD for trying again/trying hard, pushing herself to do something safe that scares her, etc.
Now she's in 8th grade and is good at not giving up when things get difficult. Praise effort and persistence. Not results. |
Anonymous
NP. I like this approach--catching them when trying hard, and commenting specifically on their *efforts*, not just *end results.* Thanks (need to try this approach more with my younger kid who seems fairly bright but gives up easily). |
Anonymous
Said the person who knows nothing about education. |
Anonymous
| Wish I knew the answer. Have been doing the "praise the effort" routine for a long time, but that hasn't done the job. |
Anonymous
| Op, they are born with it. Or not. |
Anonymous
Rude, rude, rude. PP said he/she is following the thread, so he/she knows it's a problem. No need to pile on. |