Unreported Rape - 20 years later?

[Anonymous]

This may not be the right forum, but I'm over 50 and with all of the Trump revelations and brave women coming to light I have wondered, more often lately. Is it too late to do anything about a rape that occurred by my next door neighbor, a World Bank French employee at the time, from more than 20 years ago? I was drugged after a dinner party, and woke up semi-conscious to find he directing his wife to have her way with me. My husband was next door, oblivious as they were our "neighbors". The next day I reported it to my best friend, husband and wrote a long letter which I saved a xerox copy of to this day. It was a different time, and I knew the wife was doing as her husband wished, and they had a small child, therefore reporting it was out of the question. It still haunts me and I'm still angry. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would Google stalk him and try to find out what he's doing now. If he's dead or has dementia, there's probably not much point to reporting it, but you should see a therapist to talk this through. If he has moved up the food chain, I would think seriously about reporting it to someone. If he's out of the country, the US police probably can't do anything though.

[Anonymous]

Seek therapy if you think you need it. No use in reporting to police -- the statute of limitations has way passed on this.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I have had therapy and talked it out with more than one professional. So I'm fine now and a mother of two nearly adult kids. Today I'm angry and wonder if there were other victims. Working on recalling their last name through DC tax records, only recall the first.

[Anonymous]

I am not a lawyer, but if the pedophile priests were prosecuted years later, why not a rapist? I would at least look into it, OP. Such sick behavior needs to be brought to light. It may bring out his other victims. Even by bringing a case of some sort (civil case?) would at the very least embarrass him, causing some sort of punishment. I would not let it go, if I were you. So sorry this happened to you. I completely understand your anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a lawyer, but if the pedophile priests were prosecuted years later, why not a rapist? I would at least look into it, OP. Such sick behavior needs to be brought to light. It may bring out his other victims. Even by bringing a case of some sort (civil case?) would at the very least embarrass him, causing some sort of punishment. I would not let it go, if I were you. So sorry this happened to you. I completely understand your anger.

For the most part, the pedophile priests were not prosecuted criminally, since the events took place so many years ago. There are some bills at the state level, some of which have passed, which lift this when the victims were juvenile victims of sexual abuse, but that's not the case here.

I suppose you could try a civil case, but that would be difficult and you need to be prepared to lose and end up paying your own legal costs and potentially the defendant's costs also.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation. Over 20 years ago, I was 20 and a guy I was seeing was 25. He brought over wine, and he must have slipped something in it because after less than half a glass I was experiencing weird things--drifting in and out of conciousness, at some times I was 100% conscious and aware, but completely unable to move or speak (SCARY feeling!) and he was doing sexual things to me (don't want to go into detail but not just "straight sex" and something I had on previous occasions I had told him I absolutely would not do)

I was afraid to report it because I was worried I would get in trouble for underage drinking--and I was embarrassed.

Recently, I have looked him up. He's not on facebook but from other sources I've been able to find out that he is successful in his profession and on the board of directors for a children's museum. NICE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seek therapy if you think you need it. No use in reporting to police -- the statute of limitations has way passed on this.

+1

Decades old reports have little credibility. You made your choice not to report 20 years ago. Stick with it. Otherwise, you risk embarrassment and ridicule without possibility of a tangible outcome in your favor.

[Anonymous]

I would file a police report against them. By the way, 20 years ago was not a different time, it was 1996. We knew about date rape, roofies, etc. I would not automatically assume his wife was coerced.

I would track them down and send an anonymous snail mail letter. Sure to make them nervous.

[Anonymous]

French? World Bank? Was it Dominique Strauss-Kahn?

[Anonymous]

OP Here -- no -- but same era! Working through DC tax database and I have absolutely no problem getting in his face. Shortly after this happened, the wife went through some terrible emotional problems, eventually changed from an all American mom to a gaunt, pierced, remodeled version of herself and they divorced. So I have a xerox copy of the long letter I spewed out the next day, including all of the details of what they did, plus my best friend came to my side and learned everything. I of course blamed myself at the time, I was about 25. Thanks for the support, and sorry to hear others endured the same things. And it was a different time, in my view. It was much more difficult to prove these things, the date rape drug was on the scene and it took years to recognize this indeed was what I experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- no -- but same era! Working through DC tax database and I have absolutely no problem getting in his face. Shortly after this happened, the wife went through some terrible emotional problems, eventually changed from an all American mom to a gaunt, pierced, remodeled version of herself and they divorced. So I have a xerox copy of the long letter I spewed out the next day, including all of the details of what they did, plus my best friend came to my side and learned everything. I of course blamed myself at the time, I was about 25. Thanks for the support, and sorry to hear others endured the same things. And it was a different time, in my view. It was much more difficult to prove these things, the date rape drug was on the scene and it took years to recognize this indeed was what I experienced.

You can't blame yourself. He planned it out and attacked you. He is a predator. Also don't let the wife off. It sounds like she had an active role. Seems like he and wife had experience with this type of thing...so yes he most likely did it to others and maybe is still doing it. Read though the stuff B Cosby did. Maybe talk to a criminal lawyer see what you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- no -- but same era! Working through DC tax database and I have absolutely no problem getting in his face. Shortly after this happened, the wife went through some terrible emotional problems, eventually changed from an all American mom to a gaunt, pierced, remodeled version of herself and they divorced. So I have a xerox copy of the long letter I spewed out the next day, including all of the details of what they did, plus my best friend came to my side and learned everything. I of course blamed myself at the time, I was about 25. Thanks for the support, and sorry to hear others endured the same things. And it was a different time, in my view. It was much more difficult to prove these things, the date rape drug was on the scene and it took years to recognize this indeed was what I experienced.

How do you plan to prove anything today? In any case, don't do anything before speaking with a lawyer. You can't harass people without consequences, and there will be consequences unless you have somewhat of a case. A 20-year-old letter? I dunno.

[Anonymous]

World Bank is the weirdest collection of weirdoes. I avoid anyone from there. Walk by headquarters on Pennsylvania Ave. around lunchtime and listen to all the couples arguing on the sidewalk. I dated one once. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -- no -- but same era! Working through DC tax database and I have absolutely no problem getting in his face. Shortly after this happened, the wife went through some terrible emotional problems, eventually changed from an all American mom to a gaunt, pierced, remodeled version of herself and they divorced. So I have a xerox copy of the long letter I spewed out the next day, including all of the details of what they did, plus my best friend came to my side and learned everything. I of course blamed myself at the time, I was about 25. Thanks for the support, and sorry to hear others endured the same things. And it was a different time, in my view. It was much more difficult to prove these things, the date rape drug was on the scene and it took years to recognize this indeed was what I experienced.

How do you plan to prove anything today? In any case, don't do anything before speaking with a lawyer. You can't harass people without consequences, and there will be consequences unless you have somewhat of a case. A 20-year-old letter? I dunno.

The blue dress.