Can't go backward

[Anonymous]

If a healthy relationship includes having many common interests, alignment of temperament and humor; mutual admiration of attributes, and a physical attraction, why is it so damn hard to continue enjoying all of the above when only one thing in the list above (the physical attraction) can't be satisfied? An attractive married coworker and I agreed we can't act on the physical part of our attraction, but now we're struggling to be the "just friends" we once were that sparked the attraction in the first place. Now it's awkward and I know we're both bummed about what's left. Why can't we humans go back?

[Anonymous]

The coworker may be your soulmate.

[Anonymous]

Try kissing him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If a healthy relationship includes having many common interests, alignment of temperament and humor; mutual admiration of attributes, and a physical attraction, why is it so damn hard to continue enjoying all of the above when only one thing in the list above (the physical attraction) can't be satisfied? An attractive married coworker and I agreed we can't act on the physical part of our attraction, but now we're struggling to be the "just friends" we once were that sparked the attraction in the first place. Now it's awkward and I know we're both bummed about what's left. Why can't we humans go back?

Stop being an asshole and stay away from him. You are incredibly annoying to be whining about this. If you are so bummed about not being able to have an affair just go ahead and do it already. If you get caught simply explain to your spouse that "you couldn't go back" to bring friends because of the attraction. It's not your fault "we humans" can't go back.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can go back. But you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you're describing a generic problem that once a relationship gets to a certain point it's difficult to go backward, and not actually seeking sympathy for your unconsummated affair. If so, I agree; if the latter, you've come to the wrong place. It is easier to go scorched earth and have no contact with an ex - regardless of what you had in common - than trying to cling to something that's less than what you had. Must be something left over from caveman/cavewoman DNA. Give him up and move on.

[Anonymous]

How long were you two flirting? In person or by text/email?

Typically the guy will end a so-called friendship if sex is no longer in the picture. Are you female? Maybe you're reading too much into the friendship and without the flirting, you really don't have much of a connection.

[Anonymous]

Relationships can definitely go backward. Act on those impulses and any marriages will go backward, perhaps to divorce but even if not that, it will take a long time to return it to its current state.

I think your real question is why do people have so little self control that they would focus on this one thing to the exclusion of all else. I think it's biological - nature wants you to have sex and babies but does not care about about marriages. You gotta be stronger than your base animalistic desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If a healthy relationship includes having many common interests, alignment of temperament and humor; mutual admiration of attributes, and a physical attraction, why is it so damn hard to continue enjoying all of the above when only one thing in the list above (the physical attraction) can't be satisfied? An attractive married coworker and I agreed we can't act on the physical part of our attraction, but now we're struggling to be the "just friends" we once were that sparked the attraction in the first place. Now it's awkward and I know we're both bummed about what's left. Why can't we humans go back?

The problem is that you want more. Physical attraction is the turning point from friendship to romance. It's an entirely different sort of relationship. If you want the friendship back you have to first let the attraction fade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The coworker may be your soulmate.

+1. She may be your soulmate. Don't make a mistake on love.

[Anonymous]

I agree, it CAN go backwards. Lots of people put the breaks on their feelings of UNREQUITED love, and remain friends with somebody (I'm sure you can think of somebody you had a crush on, but then dialed it back and voila, you are now just friends).

Also, think of your MARRIAGE (you married OP?) or other long term relationships you've had. That thing dialed back, didn't it? You used to be hugely in love with him/her but things have cooled to a roommate situation? Or duty sex? or just not that interested any longer?

Step it up at home and you won't need to look at work.

[Anonymous]

OP here...Yes, we're self-proclaimed, but otherwise married soulmates. A physical attraction will always be there - she's an extremely sexy 9 or 10 on anyone's scale. The unrequited love suggestion is partly correct. She claims she had a "come to Jesus" discussion with herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here...Yes, we're self-proclaimed, but otherwise married soulmates. A physical attraction will always be there - she's an extremely sexy 9 or 10 on anyone's scale. The unrequited love suggestion is partly correct. She claims she had a "come to Jesus" discussion with herself.

I think it's easier to go back if the other person isn't "extremely sexy." I know I've started to find coworkers attractive because I liked them, but then it wore off. That would be harder if they were objectively very good-looking. I would back way off in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here...Yes, we're self-proclaimed, but otherwise married soulmates. A physical attraction will always be there - she's an extremely sexy 9 or 10 on anyone's scale. The unrequited love suggestion is partly correct. She claims she had a "come to Jesus" discussion with herself.

I think it's easier to go back if the other person isn't "extremely sexy." I know I've started to find coworkers attractive because I liked them, but then it wore off. That would be harder if they were objectively very good-looking. I would back way off in this situation.

Agree. The curse of good looks. Back away slowly.

Now I, I'm lucky I never have to worry about that. I have to be a nice person in order for somebody to find me attractive. If I back off and act like a jerk it is easy to stop finding me sexy.

[Anonymous]

Grow up OP. You can do (or not) whatever you decide to do.

You are an adult, with free will and total authority over your own actions.