Colleague want to be more than friends

[Anonymous]

I posted before about a work crush on here before - my colleague and I get along great, and have done our fair share of light flirting. It makes work enjoyable and I admit I enjoy the attention (doesn't happen often anymore), but at the same time realize that I don't want to lose my family over a ONS with a work crush. We work together closely on a team and we are on the same wavelength - work really hard, and get a lot S!@t done, but while we are having fun.

How do I cool things of with him, without totally ruining the fun, flirty vibe? Is this even possible, or do I just need to shut it down, and figure no more fun at work? I tried not responding to his more overt texts (nothing sexual, just more suggesting things out of my comfort zone), but he almost seems to enjoy watching me squirm. He is very charming, and pretty much makes everyone feel like they are the only person in the room, so it is not just me, but he has taken it to a slightly different level with me.

[Anonymous]

My work crush wasn't as advanced, and we don't work as closely, but I shut it down. I happened to be going on vacation and didn't seek him out when I returned. I just don't talk about personal things unless directly asked. I think he got the message. But work is more boring now.

[Anonymous]

Is the attraction mutual or are the flirts, innuendo, compliments, etc. one way? Are you just grooving on the "attraction beam" he's shooting in your direction, or are you sending messages in return? If the latter, then you could be sending false hopes and encouraging his behavior. Unless you can have a frank, un-awkward discussion explaining that the mild flirting is fun, but he's occasionally crossing the line, then you'll need to shut down any encouraging behavior from your end. If he's got any emotional intelligence, he'll get the hint and go platonic. Doesn't sound to me like things can go back to when you liked them.

[Anonymous]

Has he actually propositioned you?

You said he "wants to be more than friends" but light flirting isn't really the same thing.

You are better off shutting it down and focusing on your husband to be honest.

[Anonymous]

We are both married, and at this point I don't know the difference between flirting and propositioning - I have never (even when I was single) had any male attention to speak of, outside of my husband (and he is not exactly the doting type), so maybe I am reading too much into in. He is direct about enjoying time with me when we do lunches, he stops in to chat regularly, texts a lot (lots of jokes) and is very excited that we are traveling together soon for work- even started planning some after work activities.

To the young singles reading this - enjoy single life. I never had the opportunity (I was not attractive and very shy) to flirt and have fun, and it weighs on my mind. Hate having regrets, but wish I got some of this out of my system.

[Anonymous]

You need to nip it now. Even if it means no more fun flirty texts. It's not with torpedoing your family. Really.

[Anonymous]

Um, yeah. No after work activities, especially while you're traveling together. You should decline those invitations now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both married, and at this point I don't know the difference between flirting and propositioning - I have never (even when I was single) had any male attention to speak of, outside of my husband (and he is not exactly the doting type), so maybe I am reading too much into in. He is direct about enjoying time with me when we do lunches, he stops in to chat regularly, texts a lot (lots of jokes) and is very excited that we are traveling together soon for work- even started planning some after work activities.

You should not do lunch unless it is with a group of other coworkers.

You should not do business travel with him if you can avoid it.

You should DEFINITELY NOT do after work activities.

You know you are going up to the line here, and making it easy to cross it. Back off now.

[Anonymous]

So your husband doesn't give you attention like this, and you feel you missed out on fun flirtations you could have had when you were single. And you're going out of town with this guy. Op, it's a recipe for disaster. Whenever you're with him and things get close to your line, start talking about his wife and your husband. That should cool things off without being overt about what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both married, and at this point I don't know the difference between flirting and propositioning - I have never (even when I was single) had any male attention to speak of, outside of my husband (and he is not exactly the doting type), so maybe I am reading too much into in. He is direct about enjoying time with me when we do lunches, he stops in to chat regularly, texts a lot (lots of jokes) and is very excited that we are traveling together soon for work- even started planning some after work activities.

To the young singles reading this - enjoy single life. I never had the opportunity (I was not attractive and very shy) to flirt and have fun, and it weighs on my mind. Hate having regrets, but wish I got some of this out of my system.

I'm the PP who cut it off with my coworker and I have a similar wallflower background. Try to channel some of that energy back into your marriage. I never thought that would work but it has. The attention is like a drug. I used the flirtation as a jumping off point for health, beauty, and fashion changes that have gotten some attention from others, male and female. Suddenly the crush withered. I work in a highly intellectual job and it pains me that I'm so shallow, but after the age of 40 and after a couple kids it feels good to not be invisible anymore.
.

[Anonymous]

Not worth the heartache to everyone. Shut it down and consider changing jobs, but in the end the issue is between you and DH. Resolve that.

[Anonymous]

Shut it down. Don't respond to the texts or his other means of flirting. Be professional, not cold. If he asks what happened simply say that work is overwhelming and you need to stay focused. If he keeps pushing either tell him to f----off or have a chat with someone in HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both married, and at this point I don't know the difference between flirting and propositioning - I have never (even when I was single) had any male attention to speak of, outside of my husband (and he is not exactly the doting type), so maybe I am reading too much into in. He is direct about enjoying time with me when we do lunches, he stops in to chat regularly, texts a lot (lots of jokes) and is very excited that we are traveling together soon for work- even started planning some after work activities.

To the young singles reading this - enjoy single life. I never had the opportunity (I was not attractive and very shy) to flirt and have fun, and it weighs on my mind. Hate having regrets, but wish I got some of this out of my system.

I'm the PP who cut it off with my coworker and I have a similar wallflower background. Try to channel some of that energy back into your marriage. I never thought that would work but it has. The attention is like a drug. I used the flirtation as a jumping off point for health, beauty, and fashion changes that have gotten some attention from others, male and female. Suddenly the crush withered. I work in a highly intellectual job and it pains me that I'm so shallow, but after the age of 40 and after a couple kids it feels good to not be invisible anymore.
.

How did the crush wither? Your choice or his?

If he cooled it, were you upset/crushed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both married, and at this point I don't know the difference between flirting and propositioning - I have never (even when I was single) had any male attention to speak of, outside of my husband (and he is not exactly the doting type), so maybe I am reading too much into in. He is direct about enjoying time with me when we do lunches, he stops in to chat regularly, texts a lot (lots of jokes) and is very excited that we are traveling together soon for work- even started planning some after work activities.

To the young singles reading this - enjoy single life. I never had the opportunity (I was not attractive and very shy) to flirt and have fun, and it weighs on my mind. Hate having regrets, but wish I got some of this out of my system.

I'm the PP who cut it off with my coworker and I have a similar wallflower background. Try to channel some of that energy back into your marriage. I never thought that would work but it has. The attention is like a drug. I used the flirtation as a jumping off point for health, beauty, and fashion changes that have gotten some attention from others, male and female. Suddenly the crush withered. I work in a highly intellectual job and it pains me that I'm so shallow, but after the age of 40 and after a couple kids it feels good to not be invisible anymore.
.

How did the crush wither? Your choice or his?

If he cooled it, were you upset/crushed?

My choice, not sure it was mutual but I think there was some attraction, uptick in casual touching, compliments, visits. He is not married. I would have been mortified if he addressed the crush and said we had to cool it.

[Anonymous]

Don't be stupid.