Do you colleagues/friends talk about money? Ever surprised by what you hear?

[Anonymous]

In a newish job and in my workplace my peers -- in their early/mid 30s -- seem to talk about money more openly than I've ever heard in the workplace. People got into a discussion re 401ks -- we had a 4% match yet about 2 yrs ago the company started telling people to contribute at least 7% bc the match would be raised to that level -- and when it was, we'd get funds retroactively. So that retroactive transfer just happened and while I was happy to see extra, most of my colleagues were talking about -- right, like anyone can contribute SEVEN percent. That's far too much. Even though 7% at our salaries, would NOT get us to 18k. I found it interesting/surprising. These are attorneys in their 30s -- sure there are student loans, but most don't yet have houses or kids, some don't keep a car bc they live in the city. If these people aren't maxing out to 18k, who is?! Guess I'm just surprised -- maybe bc "18k" was drilled into my head. Or maybe bc I read this board where everyone talks about how they have 500k or 700k or whatever by age 35.

Ever get into this kind of convo with people? What do you say? FWIW I nodded along and didn't say a word bc I didn't want to share what I am or am not doing.

[Anonymous]

When I started my job, a person starting the same day as I did made the point of telling me that we were automatically enrolled in the TSP program at 3%, so if I didn't want to participate, I should call so and so because that's what he was doing to disenroll.

I was like..."why would I not participate and at least get the match?"

he said, "that's a lot of money you could be spending now."

What's scary is that he's about 20 years older than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I started my job, a person starting the same day as I did made the point of telling me that we were automatically enrolled in the TSP program at 3%, so if I didn't want to participate, I should call so and so because that's what he was doing to disenroll.

I was like..."why would I not participate and at least get the match?"

he said, "that's a lot of money you could be spending now."

What's scary is that he's about 20 years older than me.

Lol. Reminds me of a friend who spent 5 yrs in biglaw and NEVER started a 401k. Somewhere towards the end of her tenure - like in the last 2 months - the firm instituted a program that automatically enrolled associates into the 401k for a small % - if you weren't contributing, you'd automatically be enrolled for something like 2 or 3%. She LOST her $hit trying to disenroll bc it was HER money and how dare the firm take HER money (for the 4 firm paychecks she had left since she was ready to resign anyway). No amount of convincing would get her to see that if they put 2-3% of her money in Fidelity for her, that would still be HER money, just not in liquid, spend it on Saturday night - form.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40's and my friends and I occasionally talk about money. Not so much what people make, because I can kind of infer that from what they do for a living. But we do talk about investing sometimes - what people are investing in. Real estate, hedge funds, stocks, options, etc. I did feel very out of place one day when I was in the middle of a group that was talking about each of them throwing $100K into the purchase of a villa on a caribbean island. I don't really have $100K liquid (though I do have about $400K in IRA funds), so I can't really relate to just being able to throw that much money at something like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever get into this kind of convo with people? What do you say? FWIW I nodded along and didn't say a word bc I didn't want to share what I am or am not doing.

I've been around almost that exact conversation, and I said exactly what you were thinking: "Sure I'd like to have more money now, but if I can't contribute now when I'm making a lot of money and have few responsibilities, it's basically like admitting I'm never going to retire unless I win the lottery. So I set it to max and then readjusted my budget until I could afford the new take home. And honestly, it didn't make as big of a dent in my take home as I thought it would." I don't know if it changed anybody's mind, but at least none of them can act like they've never heard of anybody maxing out anymore. I wouldn't have necessarily said all of that if it weren't for the facts that: 1) we'd all already had the "loans" conversation and I knew mine were on the higher end, and 2) we were in biglaw making exactly, precisely identical salaries. I wouldn't want to act blase about saving lots for retirement in front of people who legitimately don't have the means to do so, but I'll tell a handful of 25 year olds making top-5% salaries that they're idiots, no problem.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes friends and colleagues chat about money, and its shocking.

One friend can't afford to change her tire that has a hole.

One colleague is relying on the government to relieve her of her student debt (don't want to pop her bubble, but suggested that she reads the fine print of the program).

One couple has 3 kids (twins and another child) 15 months apart. Husband immediately blurted out that the kids are on their own for college, hoping that they receive scholarships.

People take different paths in life, and often leads to different financial situations.

The most vocal people tend to be in a precarious financial situation.... perhaps because the financial situation weighs heavily on ones mind.

[Anonymous]

A few months ago, I remember reading on this Money Forum that someone benefitted greatly when her manager urged her to max out about 20 years ago. She is now SO grateful to that manager for suggesting that.

In my own case, when I was 26 years old and just starting in BigLaw, I recall our HR manager saying at orientation that we really should definitely max out if at all possible because we were young and had time on our side. She kept saying it over and over, and showed us a Powerpoint about how our money would grow. It made an impression on me, and so I've always maxed out (even now at 46 years old and long out of BigLaw), and am SO grateful to that HR manager for making such a big deal out of it.

If I see a newbie at my company, I'll urge them to max out or close to it. Some people don't get financial education from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, I remember reading on this Money Forum that someone benefitted greatly when her manager urged her to max out about 20 years ago. She is now SO grateful to that manager for suggesting that.

In my own case, when I was 26 years old and just starting in BigLaw, I recall our HR manager saying at orientation that we really should definitely max out if at all possible because we were young and had time on our side. She kept saying it over and over, and showed us a Powerpoint about how our money would grow. It made an impression on me, and so I've always maxed out (even now at 46 years old and long out of BigLaw), and am SO grateful to that HR manager for making such a big deal out of it.

If I see a newbie at my company, I'll urge them to max out or close to it. Some people don't get financial education from their parents.

That's my situation. I have been making a good salary since I was 27, and never contributed to the company's retirement plan until this year (5 years later). Thinking of the amount of money I could have accumulated kills me. Didn't get financial education from anyone, including my parents. They have a high HHI but also didn't contribute to any pretax retirement plan for years, and never advised me to either.

[Anonymous]

People who make mid 6 figures and can't make ends meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes friends and colleagues chat about money, and its shocking.

One friend can't afford to change her tire that has a hole.

One colleague is relying on the government to relieve her of her student debt (don't want to pop her bubble, but suggested that she reads the fine print of the program).

One couple has 3 kids (twins and another child) 15 months apart. Husband immediately blurted out that the kids are on their own for college, hoping that they receive scholarships.

People take different paths in life, and often leads to different financial situations.

The most vocal people tend to be in a precarious financial situation.... perhaps because the financial situation weighs heavily on ones mind.

I think they are looking for some kind of validation - that they are not the only ones living on the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who make mid 6 figures and can't make ends meet.

Have heard people in $2m+ houses saying kids are on their own for college costs - shocking. Could you be more selfish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who make mid 6 figures and can't make ends meet.

Have heard people in $2m+ houses saying kids are on their own for college costs - shocking. Could you be more selfish?

I really live my life and and 99.9% of the time don't judge other people and their choices. But this, exactly when my kids were choosing colleges and would say other kids could not go to their dream colleges because they were too expensive. All the while the parents live in gargantuan houses, have multiple luxury cards, spend extravagantly, etc. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who make mid 6 figures and can't make ends meet.

Have heard people in $2m+ houses saying kids are on their own for college costs - shocking. Could you be more selfish?

I really live my life and and 99.9% of the time don't judge other people and their choices. But this, exactly when my kids were choosing colleges and would say other kids could not go to their dream colleges because they were too expensive. All the while the parents live in gargantuan houses, have multiple luxury cards, spend extravagantly, etc. Ridiculous.

This is a more nuanced conversation than you're making it out to be. You've made a personal decision that a "dream college" is something you value in your family. That's a very expensive choice, however, and for many (MANY) families it will have effect on their children's ultimate life outcomes. You can be a high school graduate CEO or a Master's degree retail clerk.

I personally think it's very justifiable to prioritize family travel, extra-curriculars, enrichment activities during primary and secondary school - all of which cost money that could be be diverted into college savings accounts - over making sure your child can select a mediocre SLAC over a decent state university.

If you have the money to do everything, great! If you make the opposite choice, good for you! And if you spend your children's college money on handbags, well that's pretty bad

But I don't think there's anything inherently noble about scrimping and saving so every child can go wherever they want. Oftentimes you're foregoing valuable experiences to push all your resources into something that's ultimately meaningless, socially and professionally.

[Anonymous]

My boss tells me everything...

Like how she and her husband haven't filed taxes in years and she didn't know until this week.

Or how her husband has never paid the mortgage on time and she didn't know until she had to buy a new car and her credit score was in the 500's.

I just don't understand how she doesn't know these things. They have separate finances but clearly, there is a communication problem.

My roommate took out a 401k loan to take her and her "boyfriend" to the Dominican Republic for 8 days to celebrate her 26 birthday. And justified it by saying it was a good deal on Groupon.


I have tons more of these stories. I am in my late twenties and a lot of people are doing dumb things around me. I just thank God I discovered Dave Ramsey and Mr. Money Mustache when I did. I tried to share my knowledge but anytime I say "You have to cut back on lifestyle" people immediately stop listening.

Recently I just got a raise but I adjusted my 401k so that I still have the same paycheck every month. My friends were like "whats the point of getting a raise if you just going to put in retirement." I explained lifestyle creep and that I live perfectly fine on my income. I would rather save it before I see it. They looked at me like I was speaking another language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who make mid 6 figures and can't make ends meet.

Have heard people in $2m+ houses saying kids are on their own for college costs - shocking. Could you be more selfish?

I really live my life and and 99.9% of the time don't judge other people and their choices. But this, exactly when my kids were choosing colleges and would say other kids could not go to their dream colleges because they were too expensive. All the while the parents live in gargantuan houses, have multiple luxury cards, spend extravagantly, etc. Ridiculous.

I think you're putting way too much into a kid's idea of "dream college." I cam from more modest means (right down the middle middle class- no gargantuan houses, etc, but comfortable) and had to choose between a large state school and a SLAC. My parents showed me the bills and said I would have to take loans for the difference in cost between the state school and the SLAC. It was one of the first times I had to make a really big decision at least partially based in financial reality and I think it helped me grow significantly as a person. And, to boot, I visited friends that ended up attending the SLAC and it wouldn't have been the right fit afterall, though I was convinced otherwise.

So, there may be way more to your friends' thinking than you think.