Drowning!

[Anonymous]

DH and I both work full time. 5 month old and almost 3 year old. DHs job requires travel 1/month and he works very hard intense days and often from home on weekends. My job is limited to the work week but its demanding during the work week, but also very fulfilling. I do all food related stuff at home, and tend to have most dinners semi-prepared during the week. DH takes care of all other home chores- house work, financial upkeep, etc. DH tends to take care of toddler, while I am primary care giver for baby. We have a nanny which is a life saver and we outsource cleaning. But I still feel like I am drowning, esp when DH travels. Baby sleeps around 12 hours a night, but wakes 2 to eat. I am hoping we can eliminate one of those feeds by 6 months. I go to bed btwn 830-9 every night out of sheer exhaustion and feel like I have no life outside of work and parenting. is this normal? I know this phase wont last but right now I am just extremely exhausted and overwhelmed. How do other WOH parents with 2+ children handle it? What are you tricks?

[Anonymous]

It does sound normal and it doesn't last forever. It sounds like you are doing a lot of the most helpful things already. I would say to also get a babysitter for a few hours each Saturday morning. You need a little downtime. Have the babysitter take both kids to the playground, make a cup of coffee and watch an hour of TV while folding laundry or peeling potatoes. A little peace and quiet will do wonders.

[Anonymous]

normal

[Anonymous]

This was the hardest stage for me and we have the same age gap. Once baby was closer to 12 or 18 months, it became easier because he could move around and they started to play and interact even more.

In terms of tips, I would sleep train and/or drop the overnight feeding as soon as you can. My second was not a great sleeper (and my older one went through a spell of bad sleeping around age 3.5) and so for months I would be in bed for 7-8 hours at a stretch, but exhausted because the sleep was interrupted at least once if not more per night. It's really hard. Get over that hump and things will start to feel a lot better.

When DH is traveling and you have both, set a timer or otherwise be strict on deadlines for the evening routine. Dinner can only take so long. I would bathe them together, shorten baby's routine and get him to bed, spend some time with your older, and then get older one to bed. Time with your older can be productive too. She can help pick out her clothes for the a.m., or set out breakfast dishes, or help load the dishwasher.

Keep lists on your phone. Part of my feelings of being overwhelmed came from trying to keep too many things in my head at once. DH and I have an app for shopping needs with shared lists for each store (grocery, drugstore, Costco). We have amazon prime and any needs go straight into the cart for immediate purchase or near-term purchase. I have a running list of to-dos, anywhere from buy some kid a birthday present to figure out nanny's holiday schedule. Knowing that I wrote it down helps me relax - it won't be forgotten, so I can focus on work when I'm at work, kids when I'm home, and then deal with the issue after bedtime.

Good luck! Really, in another six months to a year things will be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was the hardest stage for me and we have the same age gap. Once baby was closer to 12 or 18 months, it became easier because he could move around and they started to play and interact even more.

In terms of tips, I would sleep train and/or drop the overnight feeding as soon as you can. My second was not a great sleeper (and my older one went through a spell of bad sleeping around age 3.5) and so for months I would be in bed for 7-8 hours at a stretch, but exhausted because the sleep was interrupted at least once if not more per night. It's really hard. Get over that hump and things will start to feel a lot better.

When DH is traveling and you have both, set a timer or otherwise be strict on deadlines for the evening routine. Dinner can only take so long. I would bathe them together, shorten baby's routine and get him to bed, spend some time with your older, and then get older one to bed. Time with your older can be productive too. She can help pick out her clothes for the a.m., or set out breakfast dishes, or help load the dishwasher.

Keep lists on your phone. Part of my feelings of being overwhelmed came from trying to keep too many things in my head at once. DH and I have an app for shopping needs with shared lists for each store (grocery, drugstore, Costco). We have amazon prime and any needs go straight into the cart for immediate purchase or near-term purchase. I have a running list of to-dos, anywhere from buy some kid a birthday present to figure out nanny's holiday schedule. Knowing that I wrote it down helps me relax - it won't be forgotten, so I can focus on work when I'm at work, kids when I'm home, and then deal with the issue after bedtime.

Good luck! Really, in another six months to a year things will be great.

thanks this is so helpful as you pinpoint why I am so exhausted- I am trying to multitask and not forget 10000 things.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal for 2 kids and 2 working parents. We, and most everyone we know went through the same period. It sounds like you already have the major tricks down (outsourcing cleaning, having a nanny). It will get easier...unless you decide to have another baby.

[Anonymous]

Very normal!

I have a similar situation and when my husband is away for a long stretch I see if my parents can come visit just to be extra eyes and bodies in the house.

I agree with the PP about lists. Try google keep. Then you can your husband can share lists!

I don't have a nanny...we chose daycare instead...so when my husband is traveling just for a day or so or I adjust my work schedule and come home about an hour early to prep the house for children to come back. (ie make sure dinner is ready, the table is set, the items for the bath are ready to go, clothes are out for the next day). Since you have a nanny could they do this?

[Anonymous]

Any way you could cut back and not work 1/2 day one day a week? That extra morning could go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Don't forget you're still recovering from your pregnancy/birth. E ven though we have the expectation of ourselves and need to get back to life as we know it,it takes our bodies nearly 2 years to physically recover from pregnancy and birth. Your body is doing so much right now even in the background.

I really like the suggestion of having a babysitter for a little while on the weekend. For self-care.

[Anonymous]

You are doing great, OP! Keep it up!!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a cleaner who comes in? Having the house spic 'n span when I came home one day per week was the best! They even straightened kids toys. I don't really need the team now but will never let them go. It's my favorite day of the week and the "glow" usually lasts two or three days.

[Anonymous]

glad to hear all the PP's chiming in to say "Normal!" That makes me feel better, too!
I would add, automate as much as possible... regular grocey delivery, amazon, etc. Definitely bills. Anything you can set and forget, just to clear your brain for a nanosecond.

[Anonymous]

There are no tricks. You just have to power through. This is what having small children is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was the hardest stage for me and we have the same age gap. Once baby was closer to 12 or 18 months, it became easier because he could move around and they started to play and interact even more.

In terms of tips, I would sleep train and/or drop the overnight feeding as soon as you can. My second was not a great sleeper (and my older one went through a spell of bad sleeping around age 3.5) and so for months I would be in bed for 7-8 hours at a stretch, but exhausted because the sleep was interrupted at least once if not more per night. It's really hard. Get over that hump and things will start to feel a lot better.

When DH is traveling and you have both, set a timer or otherwise be strict on deadlines for the evening routine. Dinner can only take so long. I would bathe them together, shorten baby's routine and get him to bed, spend some time with your older, and then get older one to bed. Time with your older can be productive too. She can help pick out her clothes for the a.m., or set out breakfast dishes, or help load the dishwasher.

Keep lists on your phone. Part of my feelings of being overwhelmed came from trying to keep too many things in my head at once. DH and I have an app for shopping needs with shared lists for each store (grocery, drugstore, Costco). We have amazon prime and any needs go straight into the cart for immediate purchase or near-term purchase. I have a running list of to-dos, anywhere from buy some kid a birthday present to figure out nanny's holiday schedule. Knowing that I wrote it down helps me relax - it won't be forgotten, so I can focus on work when I'm at work, kids when I'm home, and then deal with the issue after bedtime.

Good luck! Really, in another six months to a year things will be great.

What app do you use for shared lists? I think that would be great for my wife and I since we often forget something when we sit down to make grocery & costco lists.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal with kids those ages. It does get better when the youngest sleeps through the night and is more self sufficient, by that I mean they eat regular food/feed themselves so you aren't having to nurse/feed them all the time.