DH makes me feel crazy
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Anonymous
| This is somewhat of a convoluted story, but it is one of many examples of my DH making me feel like I'm losing my mind. DD is a young tween and told me earlier in the week that DH had planned to take her out for a surprise this weekend, but she didn't know details. This didn't strike me as that unusual b/c DH often has his own plans for the weekends and doesn't try to coordinate with me. Anyway, this morning DH (who had been out of town until last night) revealed that the surprise outing is a concert for a young pop star. I'll admit that I'm a little jealous that I wasn't invited--because I'd like to go to DD's first "real" concert with her--but I'm also frustrated because weeks ago, I suggested to DH that we take DD to see Meghan Traynor and he said no because he thought the show would be "inappropriate." When I mentioned that this morning (out of DD's hearing), DH said that 1) he DID tell me about the plans and I said I didn't want to go, and 2) we didn't go see Meghan Traynor b/c I couldn't get tickets. What?! I have no idea why he says stuff that's not true other than he wants me to feel crazy. This is such a common occurrence! Does anyone else have this issue? |
Anonymous
| This is called gaslighting. |
Anonymous
+1. Gaslighting is a nasty form of abuse meant to make the victim disbelieve reality in order for the abuser to maintain control. |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
+ 2 This is SO true. It is a mind game for him to exert more power over you. Do not fall for it!! 
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Anonymous
| I am not sure if it's deliberate or not. I have a relative who makes up his own version of the facts and he seems to truly believe it. It would drive me completely crazy! My parents used to do that to me, so I am extremely sensitive to it. Luckily my DH for all his faults doesn't have that particular one. |
Anonymous
|
OP,
My husband has tried and failed to do this to me, because I do have some semblance of memory left to me. However the times it got really bad, I kept a journal, so that I could go back and check exactly what had been said and done by who. I highly encourage you to: 1. keep a journal. 2. stay very calm when you - 3. immediately call him out whenever he attempts to rewrite history. Depending on what his reactions are when you call him out and whether this unwanted behavior decreases, you might want to seek joint counseling with a psychologist (not a therapist) to have him evaluated. A lot of people have "magical thinking", and they can be hard to live with if they have it really badly. |
Anonymous
| Your husband may be trying out "single dad" behavior or he may just want to bond with his daughter without mom along, in which case I'd encourage it. Your suggestion may have planted the idea in his head, not necessarily in a "let's leave mom out" kind of way. |
Anonymous
|
Holy shit, this is scary. These are SERIOUS levels of manipulation and abuse. This isn't just him being a normally nice person with some manipulative traits - this is a dangerous individual.
You are not only being gaslighted, but you are being deliberately sidelined out of your DD's life as your DH tries to exert more power and more control in the family. He doesn't want you to be the "favorite" parent, as if parenting is a competition, and he also doesn't care about you personally. You are not safe in this marriage, and especially because your post seems to indicate a pattern of gaslighting behavior. I am giving you this warning and advice for the preservation of your sanity and your mental and emotional health: get. out. now. I do not given divorce advice lightly or often on this forum, but you need to divorce this man. |
Anonymous
| OP, the DCUM women thank you for allowing them to whip out their favorite relationship buzzword today. |
Anonymous
| This might sound juvenile, but I would one up his game. His concert is tonight, right? I would also go out and be sure to arrive home 3 hours later than him and when he asks where you were, you reply that you told him you were meeting friends.... No arguing, just treat him the same way he is treating you. |
Anonymous
That's quite the reaction. You got all that from OP's post? |
Anonymous
| Is he mentally ill? My friend has severe depression with psychotic features and she recalls conversations she swears we had but never actually happened. |
Anonymous
| Gaslighting and a sign of abuse. Take this seriously OP. |
Anonymous
+1 |