Uncomfortable?
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Anonymous
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Co-worker recently "guided me" when we were walking together by touching my lower back. It made me slightly uncomfortable, as I think of that gesture as one that only intimates share. Am I reading too much into it? He's the gentlemanly type, so it could just be that.
Would you guide your colleague that way? |
Anonymous
| Overreacting |
Anonymous
| totally overreacting |
Anonymous
| You're overreacting but this is why you just shouldn't touch people. Even with no nefarious intent, it makes some people uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
| Weird and unnecessary. I wouldn't do anything about it for now, but would be ready to step away from the hand, and say "that's not necessary, I can manage on my own" if it happens again. |
Anonymous
| Your reaction is valid, it was inappropriate. |
Anonymous
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Your lower back, as in inches from your butt? I think it's too close, but I can see how older people (50s and up) might think nothing of it.
I mean, imagine a woman guiding a man that way. Hard to picture, right? |
Anonymous
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OP here. I certainly don't think it was nefarious. I think it was well meant. Just it felt ... too personal.
Somebody's comment reminded me that I'm NOT a touchy feely person in general. So, this was the lightest and briefest of touches, but my need for a no-fly zone in my personal space is, I think, fairly large. Could just be he's a touchy person, and I'm not, and once you become friends those touchy people touch. I'll just ignore it an stay further away from now on. |
Anonymous
Honey, he's trying to guide you for sure... into the bedroom! 
Definite ulterior motive potential. First step in gauging AP potential is gradually increasing physical touch and watching his/her reaction. First move my current AP made as well. I actually thought it was my DH behind me at the party. Way too intimate for colleagues. |
Anonymous
Totally inappropriate at work. Next time give him a weird look and say "please don't". |
Anonymous
If it makes you feel uncomfortable OP, then that is likely your intuition letting you know that something is not right.
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Anonymous
| I've noticed men do this to women's bodies. It's happened many times to me. I don't think it's appropriate, and I think men do it without thinking about it. I'd just drop it this one time, but if it happens again I'd say something. |
Anonymous
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I think you are overreacting. Some of us guys still open office doors for women, allow them to enter an elevator first, offer them a hand when they are trying to get out of some monstrous SUV holding a briefcase and there is snow on the ground. Frankly, I do that for men too! We don't do it with any flourish or chauvinist intent it is simply manners taught by our mothers. I don't pull out a female colleagues chair at dinner or open her car door because that is almost date like. I may say "do you need a hand" when she is putting on a heavy winter coat.
He may not even know he was lightly touching your back, he was simply indicating for you to go first. I've had guys do that to me and I'm quite sure they weren't trying to get intimate! The issue of sexual harassment is real, but hopefully the backlash to it won't be so extreme that good manners are no longer allowed. |
Anonymous
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I'd go with your gut feeling.
I think it's inappropriate. I wouldn't report it probably but I would email myself a description of the incident in case things escalate. |
Anonymous
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Yes, another vote for going with your gut. Your gut is correct. Touching a woman's lower back is considered too intimate for that setting and relationship.
He may not mean anything, or he may be sending you a message on some level. Easy enough to ignore. Just validating you here. Wasn't there some movie, where a wife saw her husband make that lower-back ushering gesture to his coworker, and the wife was like, hmmmm? Emma Thompson in Love Actually? |