Regret redshirting (I think) - what are our options?

[Anonymous]

I never thought I would redshirt. Then I did it. Now, I regret it. I think.

DD (7) has a late July birthday. She was in Montessori for preK-K (the primary class) and we moved to a private school for 1st grade. After her evaluation and interview, the private school told us to put her in K because it is very common at this school for summer birthdays to be held back and because she was socially immature and had a low frustration tolerance. DH and I agreed on the latter, and didn't want her to be a year+ younger than her classmates. Also, DD has significant anxiety issues, had been struggling with a health/behavioral problem that correlates with anxiety and had been seeing a psychologist for over a year. Moreover, the private schools is known to be "challenging" and the school felt that she would still be challenged in K and that 1st would be stressful. We were not planning to redshirt, but at the school's urging, DH and I agreed that holding her back in K would be appropriate *at this school*, given the social immaturity and anxiety and challenging, above-level coursework.

Fast forward to today. We completed K at the private school and now DD is in 1st (turned 7 just before start of school). K was great for her socially, and anxiety problem has significantly improved. BUT...poor DD is seriously bored. I know every parent thinks their child is bright, but by objective measures DD is very intelligent, particularly in math/spacial awareness. She thinks outside the box and understands fundamental concepts (how things relate, logical reasoning) much more than most kids her age. She's not a perfect student because she zooms through things without double checking her work, but she understands things at a much deeper level, if that makes sense. After an entire year of not being challenged in K, she's now in 1st and bringing home "homework" that asks her to do basic counting on a number line. Second, I feel like the school misled us about how many children stay behind. DD has a number of summer birthdays in her class this year, and all are a year younger than she is. She's questioned us many times about why she has to be in 1st grade and not 2nd, like her friends from her old school.

So, what to do?

First, I don't know if there is really a problem. DD is my first child so I don't have a good reference point on 1st vs 2nd grade work. I spoke to her teacher, who assured me that the first month was "review" and that work would be more challenging in October. She also said that DD has plenty of free time to select challenging work when she completes her in-class activities, and she showed me the things DD has been working on independently (tanagrams and chapter books, mostly). She also seemed confident that DD fit in well with the class and wasn't socially above level at all. Even if 1st grade is not challenging, I'm sure work will get more difficult in later grades and DD will find plenty to learn - perhaps in the future we will be grateful that she has an extra year of maturity so she can better handle the pressure of school.

Second, what are our options if we regret the redshirt decision? What does a school look for when deciding to skip a child ahead a grade? And won't it be more difficult in the future as she falls further behind her birth-year peers since she's only doing remedial level work? I've considered moving her back to the Montessori school, which has a mixed-grade class of 1-3 grades. It may be easier for her to work more quickly in the Montessori classroom and catch back up to her birth-year peers, and maybe she'll get back to grade level. Even if not, perhaps she would do better in the Montessori environment that emphasizes independent learning as opposed to rote worksheets.

Am I over-thinking this? I would appreciate any perspective from parents who have been through this before.

(Please go easy on me - I know full well the criticism that kids that are redshirted won't be challenged, and I agreed. We held her back after a lot of consideration and because that's what the school advised us to do. I'm looking for advice and perspective, not judgment.)

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think you are stuck in less your private will bump her up a grade. We were in the same situation where the school insisted we hold back (but a September birthday so we didn't have a lot of choices). We went through that year and I regretted it. We ended up skipping K. and going directly into 1st (at that school). I cannot imagine another school letting you do that though. Everyone advises holding back even if it is not in that child's interests. I cannot imagine my kid being in the grade below now.

[Anonymous]

A lot of this is probably review so far, so I'd see where she is in November and around the holiday break. In the meantime, I would make sure that the school is providing challenging enrichment options for her. Each school is different as far as whether the school would allow her to "skip" a grade. Speak to someone in the school administration.

[Anonymous]

I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

OP here. Thanks, this is a good point. As I mentioned, I don't have a great frame of reference since DD is our first kid and we are not close to cousins or friends children. It seems like at this age there is a pretty wide margin of skills among kids, with some excelling in one area and others excelling in another. I imagine that would leave all kids feeling bored with at least a portion of the curriculum. So, is it perfectly normal for K and 1st graders to experience some boredom? Also, I don't want to diminish the social and anxiety issues. They're not insignificant and DH and I didn't want to push her into an environment that would be unhealthy. Better to be a little bored, than over-stressed and anxious at a higher grade level?

[Anonymous]

you made your bed. now stop micromanaging and thinking you can always fix every problem.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I started the recent thread here about the bright kid who doesn't care. DS was not red-shirted and is the youngest boy in his grade in middle school. He lacks organizational skills and, imo, lacks maturity and says certain subjects are "boring." I'm not going to say I should have red-shirted him, but he might come across as more mature (relative to others) if he were a grade behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I started the recent thread here about the bright kid who doesn't care. DS was not red-shirted and is the youngest boy in his grade in middle school. He lacks organizational skills and, imo, lacks maturity and says certain subjects are "boring." I'm not going to say I should have red-shirted him, but he might come across as more mature (relative to others) if he were a grade behind.

^^ Meant to add that putting her in the next grade up may not alleviate boredom...I see your points, though.

[Anonymous]

As a former teacher I told parents to wait till January and see. Early October I am still in review and organization mode. I usually knew what kids needed more challenges by about this time and was just on my way to organizing it and applying it. LOTS of parents thought before Thanksgiving their 1st grader needed to skip and very few still thought that after valentines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

OP here. Thanks, this is a good point. As I mentioned, I don't have a great frame of reference since DD is our first kid and we are not close to cousins or friends children. It seems like at this age there is a pretty wide margin of skills among kids, with some excelling in one area and others excelling in another. I imagine that would leave all kids feeling bored with at least a portion of the curriculum. So, is it perfectly normal for K and 1st graders to experience some boredom? Also, I don't want to diminish the social and anxiety issues. They're not insignificant and DH and I didn't want to push her into an environment that would be unhealthy. Better to be a little bored, than over-stressed and anxious at a higher grade level?

YES! It is totally normal for Kers and 1st graders are bored out of their little minds with the curriculum. For advanced kids those early years are more about learning how to follow classroom procedures, follow directions, do work carefully and not rush through and all of that stuff. Please let her enjoy her time in 1st grade. There will be plenty of time for worrying about her being challenged in later years. I would only be stressed about this and try to change things up if it is causing her to act out and get trouble in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

Here's ADHD mom saying everything is ADHD. Nice to see you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

OP here. Thanks, this is a good point. As I mentioned, I don't have a great frame of reference since DD is our first kid and we are not close to cousins or friends children. It seems like at this age there is a pretty wide margin of skills among kids, with some excelling in one area and others excelling in another. I imagine that would leave all kids feeling bored with at least a portion of the curriculum. So, is it perfectly normal for K and 1st graders to experience some boredom? Also, I don't want to diminish the social and anxiety issues. They're not insignificant and DH and I didn't want to push her into an environment that would be unhealthy. Better to be a little bored, than over-stressed and anxious at a higher grade level?

2nd is more dull than 1st. It doesn't start to pick up till 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

OP here. Thanks, this is a good point. As I mentioned, I don't have a great frame of reference since DD is our first kid and we are not close to cousins or friends children. It seems like at this age there is a pretty wide margin of skills among kids, with some excelling in one area and others excelling in another. I imagine that would leave all kids feeling bored with at least a portion of the curriculum. So, is it perfectly normal for K and 1st graders to experience some boredom? Also, I don't want to diminish the social and anxiety issues. They're not insignificant and DH and I didn't want to push her into an environment that would be unhealthy. Better to be a little bored, than over-stressed and anxious at a higher grade level?

2nd is more dull than 1st. It doesn't start to pick up till 3rd.

FWIW, this is not our experience. Things really picked up from 1st to 2nd, both in terms of differentiation and in terms of the level of the work. The work that is described on the grade-level website is not the work my 2nd grader is bringing home at all. This is good, because the grade-level work would be way too easy but the work she is actually bringing home is on target.

[Anonymous]

The Preschool teacher persuaded us to re-shirt my son who had a global developmental delay with ADHD.
He was SO BORED in first grade. The public school principal had told us there would be no way she would put him back in with his peers.
But given his academic level, and the fact that his grade was overcrowded, he did make it back to his peer group and immediately felt a little better. Now he's in a gifted program in middle school and feels MUCH better

So be prepared to persuade the school administration with test results and things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're over-emphasizing the problems of boredom in elementary school (which could well be an issue if she were in 2nd grade also - 2nd graders are also doing review right now) and under-emphasizing that dd has already shown signs of anxiety, social immaturity, low frustration tolerance, and is rushing through her work without giving it attention (which could indicate something like ADHD). I think she's got a lot on her plate that could be affecting the perception of how school is going.

OP here. Thanks, this is a good point. As I mentioned, I don't have a great frame of reference since DD is our first kid and we are not close to cousins or friends children. It seems like at this age there is a pretty wide margin of skills among kids, with some excelling in one area and others excelling in another. I imagine that would leave all kids feeling bored with at least a portion of the curriculum. So, is it perfectly normal for K and 1st graders to experience some boredom? Also, I don't want to diminish the social and anxiety issues. They're not insignificant and DH and I didn't want to push her into an environment that would be unhealthy. Better to be a little bored, than over-stressed and anxious at a higher grade level?

2nd is more dull than 1st. It doesn't start to pick up till 3rd.

FWIW, this is not our experience. Things really picked up from 1st to 2nd, both in terms of differentiation and in terms of the level of the work. The work that is described on the grade-level website is not the work my 2nd grader is bringing home at all. This is good, because the grade-level work would be way too easy but the work she is actually bringing home is on target.

Granted its only one month in, but when I look at the year curriculum it was everything my child did in K., 1 and even preK at his last school. They don't even do double or triple digit addition and subtraction till later in the year and wait for multiplication till next.